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I find myself drawn to the Silverado, and try to convince myself I truly like everything it has to offer, and it’s not because of the way Kasey was mooning over it.
“I think you’re going to be really happy with this,” Richard tells me as he pulls up the paperwork, “with all those features she enjoyed,” he casts an endearing glance at Kasey. “Happy wife, happy life, right?”
Kasey and I both seem to freeze and awkwardly look at each other before looking back to him.
In the end, I decide that correcting him will only prolong this interaction, and I’d rather be done and get on with my life.
As the dealership staff get’s my new truck ready for me to drive off, I hand Kasey the keys which of course, earns me a confused look.
“Want to drive the truck to the rental place for me so I can get rid of this thing now?” I tilt my head at the car I’ve been driving the last month and a half.
“Really?!” she smiles, lighting up just the way I’ve been dying to get her to.
“Yeah,” I let out a breath that feels like it cleanses my soul and I’m actually smiling, something I seem to have been learning to do again when I’m around her or Luna.
After finally liberating myself of the damn rented vehicle, Kasey and I are both starving and I take a turn at the wheel, driving us to a café for lunch. It’s here that things feel good and easy, yet there’s a hint of uncomfortable friction in the air.
“Thanks again for going with me today,” I say, making lame small talk. “That would have been a lot more painful without you.”
“You’re welcome,” she responds with another one of those half smiles that bother the shit out of me as she daintily dumps a sugar packet into her iced tea. “I’m so glad you found something you’re happy with.”
“You know, I kind of feel like I bother you about this a lot, but are you doing okay?”
She pauses and closes her eyes for a second before answering. Dammit, I hit a nerve.
“As well as I can be,” she nods. “It’s been a heavy couple of weeks.”
“Can I ask what happened?” I try to be casual about it while popping a fry in my mouth.
“You don’t want to hear my drama,” she scoffs.
“I’d like to help,” I offer.
I have no business trying to press her, but dammit, I want to know what’s hurting her and talk about it with her. I try to think of how to convey that to her, and remember the text I sent her on a nine-year-old’s advice. I take what I’m thinking, and just say it.
“I don’t want you to feel pressured to tell me. If you don’t want to, I have to be okay with that. But I want to help.”
She sighs and pushes her plate away, folding her arms on the table.
“It’s just that, after ten years of not seeing or hearing from him, I saw Luna’s fa-” she cuts herself off and regroups before trying again, “the man that got me pregnant with Luna. I saw him, by default. Come to find out, he’s a pro baseball player now. I saw him on TV.”
Ouch.
“Wow,” I muse. “You’re right, that’s a pretty heavy blow.”
“Yeah. He was basically dead to us, and kind of still is, but seeing him kind of makes him real again, and I don’t know… I’m trying to figure out what to do with that.”
“Right, that’s tough. I get it. Do you know what youwantto do?”
“What I want to do is never see him again, but it’s not just about me. He left as soon as I got pregnant, not wanting anything to do with me or Luna at all,” she sourly regales, and I feel my fist clench under the table. I just don’t get it.How can somebody walk away from this?I think, looking at Kasey. She’s the package deal - intelligent, strong, mature, kind, and fun. All the things Jamie was, but in completely different ways. If I ever meet this guy, he’s getting his face rearranged. “But,” she continues, and I try to conceal my rage. “If I don’t try one more time, especially now that some time has gone by, and Luna’s actually a kid… I don’t know… I feel like I might regret it.”
“Well, if you decide to, let me know if I can be here for you in any way,” I offer sincerely.
“I will,” she nods, but she’s looking down and picking up her fork, which tells me she’s not sure if she actually will. She’s also signaling the end of the conversation; this topic anyway.
“So what about you?” Her tone pipes up as she takes a bite of her salad. “You know all about me, and ever since we’ve met you’ve seen me go through one disaster after another. Do you have a history?” She looks up at me, eyebrows raised in anticipation of any small token of my life I might share. Sharing anything about my past still makes me uncomfortable as fuck, but since I’ve run into Kasey, I’ve become incrementally braver and just a little more willing. I wish I could be as strong as she is, to bravely share the pivotal moments of my life with her; but I’m just not. Not yet, anyway.
“I grew up in Washington,” I mumble around another fry as I nervously busy myself with my food. “Just across the water from Seattle. I did both undergrad and med school at U-Dub.”
