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I nod as I start to push his jeans and boxer briefs together down his legs, but before I can drop to my knees, he takes hold of me, his eyes boring into mine.
“If you’re going to do that, you’re going to do it right,” he informs me as he takes hold of the hem of my shirt and begins to lift it up my body. “Clothes off.” His tone is commanding but gentle, and it makes a fever flush across my skin. He unclasps my bra and pulls it away from my body and starts working his mouth down my neck. I let out a moan when he reaches my bare shoulder and reaches for the clasp of my jeans. I assault every inch of his tanned skin I can get my mouth on as he hooks his thumbs in the waistband of my jeans and panties and crouches down to pull them all the way down my legs. He steadies me, helping me step out of them, placing a soft kiss to my sex, his hair tickling my lower abdomen before standing again.
“Happy?” I smirk when he’s level with me again.
“Oh, yeah,” he breathes before kissing me again and helping me rid him of the rest of his clothes. I guide him with me and take a seat in the arm chair with him standing before me, his magnificent cock bobbing right at my eye level. I take hold of it, enjoying the weight of it in my hand and look up at him as I stroke it up and down a few times.
His eyes close and he lets out a sharp breath at my touch, which is all the encouragement I need to bring my mouth down on him, wrapping my lips around his girth. I glide my mouth up and down, flattening my tongue on the underside of him as I go. I bob up and down his length, starting with slow and long strokes, moaning and humming around him.
“Fuck, oh fuck. Baby,” Ben rasps out as his strong, callused hand comes down to stroke the side of my face. “Christ…”
He’s loving this, and it’s getting me off too, making me gradually increase the speed and intensity. I have one hand pumping along with my up and down rhythm while the other glides around his hip to grab onto his ass, pulling a heavy groan out of him.
One hand is still sweetly stroking my cheek while the other threads into my hair when he asks, “Will you touch yourself for me, babe?” in a husky voice. I can hear the ache in the back of his throat, and I feel empowered and turned on to full throttle. There’s nothing I won’t do to get him there, and so I reach between my legs and start stroking my sex, doing my best to pretend it’s his hand while I continue to swivel my head up and down his dick.
“Aw, God,” he huffs out when he looks down to watch my hand stroking myself while my mouth is on his dick. “Oh Kasey, oh fuck.”
I unexpectedly find myself reaching my peak and apply more pressure to myself and to Ben, and before I know it, I’m coming and moaning all around him.
“Oh, shit,” he announces his climax as he lets go into my mouth, his hips jerking as he comes with a roar. I swallow him down and finally release him to catch my breath. He crouches down, panting in front of me, his eyes full of contented disbelief.
“You’re unbelievable,” he says, cradling my face in his hands and kissing the hell out of me. I raise an eyebrow and smile at him as I keep trying to regulate my breathing.
“I’m happy you’re happy,” I answer grinning at him.
“I’m so happy, sweetie. With you, I couldn’t be happier.”
Wow.My already rapidly beating heart skips a beat at his proclamation.
“But give me five minutes,” he husks with a knowing smile, “and then you are going toget it.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ben
I joltawake in the middle of the night and my mind automatically goes into rationalization mode, having been through this a thousand times. It wasn’t real, it was the… dream. Except I didn’t have the dream. I suppose I could have had it and woke up from it with the same panic, but I don’t remember it like I usually do. I look around the dark room, trying to refamiliarize myself with the here and now. There’s a faint amount of moonlight gracing the floor by the window, and I can hear the vague sound of windchimes in the summer breeze outside. I’m in a bed that feels comforting, and when I look to my right, I find Kasey on her side with her back to me. Her wide-necked t-shirt is pulled down enough that it’s showing some bare shoulder. I sit there, taking in her sleeping form, quiet and peaceful. I keep my eyes trained on her while I wait for the urge to bolt out of here to settle over me.
It doesn’t.
This isn’t Jamie that I’m sleeping next to, and somehow, it’s okay, I realize, as my mind reconciles the situation with my life. It’s more than okay, it’s right. Kasey’s here, living and breathing right in front of me. She makes me feel things I didn’t think were mine to feel again, and one of those things issafe. So much so that I want her closer -now. I scooch over to her in the bed so that my front is flush with her back and drape an arm over her. I place a kiss to the exposed skin of her shoulder, and while she doesn’t say anything or open her eyes, I feel her fingers lace with mine and it’s perfect. It’s as if even in sleep, she understands that nothing needs to be said in this moment. We feel good and safe with each other, and that’s all that matters.
I wake up to light coming through the sheer white drapes and an empty spot on the mattress next to me. I roll to my back and wipe the sleep from my eyes, finding myself once again sorting through my feelings, a new habit I seem to have picked up since leaving Bali. I reflect on what happened the day before; how I felt, what led to another night of sex with Kasey. Only it wasn’t just all sex. Some of it was tender affection, connecting deeply as we gave to each other so much more than physical enjoyment.
Did I plan it? No.
Did I want it?
I did.
Was it the right thing to do?
Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know. Is she the right thing to want? Is it right for her to want me? Is a grumpy widower afraid of his own past what she needs right now? No, probably not. I have no right to make that decision for her though. Despite her struggles, she’s a grown, smart, and lucid woman.
I still want it. But how long do I want it for? How much of myself am I willing to give? Right now, I can’t see it being as much as she deserves.
I shift my thoughts from the near-to-distant future to the here and now. What do I want right now?
I want her back in this bed with me. I want to lay with her for hours without saying a word.
