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“Hello?” I grumble into the receiver.

“What’s up buttercup?” she chirps into my ear.

“Fuck, why the hell do you have to be so perky? Can you please go back to the pissy, broody version of you I met on the island? I liked her better.”

“Sorry, that was only temporary. This is the real me; that’s why Matt calls me Sunshine.”

Unbelievable.

“But speaking of which, what’s up your ass? The last time I saw you, you looked like you might be crossing over to the bright side.”

“What do you want?” I mutter into the phone as I scrub a hand over my eyes again.

“We’re leaving for the UK tomorrow, and while things were looking good the last time I saw you, I thought I’d check and make sure that you’re not leaving, like I did last time. I just want to prepare myself for if you’ll still be here or not,” I can hear the shrug in her voice.

“Fuck, I don’t know.”

“Why are you sounding less like the nice guy who came to my wedding and has been coaching my niece in basketball, and more like the dick I met who lived on a boat and snarled at anyone who came near?”

Her tone gets colder by word.

“Jamie died five years ago today,” I bark out bitterly.

Fuck, why am I being forced to talk about this for the second time today?

Because I’m no longer living a life of solitude and I have people in it that give a shit.

It’s a moment before I hear a response.

“Really?” her voice has softened.

“Yeah. Now you know what’s up my ass, so take your bubbly, perky attitude, and give my regards to the Queen,” I make to hang up before she stops me.

“Ben, wait!”

I pause and put the phone back to my ear.

“Why are you not sure you’re staying? I mean… I’m sorry you’re feeling this way today, but why would that make you rush back to your lonely life so far away? I thought things were looking up for you; that you and Kasey were spending some time together…”

“Yeah,” I confirm, huffing out a sigh, “that was going really well actually, but I fucked it up today.”

“What to you mean?” I hear a slight hint of panic in Melanie’s voice, followed by a hint of protectiveness.

I rub the bridge of my nose and sigh as I reluctantly tell her what happened when Kase came over. When I finish, I hear silence on the other end with the exception of a few breaths, as though she’s thinking hard about how to respond.

“Ben, you fucking asshole,” it comes out in a venomous whisper. I’ve never heard her voice like this, even when she was on Bali and at the lowest point in her life.

“I’ve always known you were a dick,” she continues, her voice low and thick with emotion, “but I always thought it was a façade to keep people at arm’s length. I can’t believe you treated her that way.”

“Look,” I argue exasperatedly, “I was distancing myself so that I wouldn’t have to deal with people today,”

“And she had the nerve to check on your welfare,” she bites out.

“She died in my fucking ER right in front of me, alright? You don’t know how the events of that day still fuck with me.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” she agrees. “I can’t even imagine, that must have been so horrible. But that’s not Kasey’s fault. And you also don’t know what her past does to her either! Do you remember why I was in Indonesia?”

“Because your ex became a bigshot PR mogul that wanted to sign Turn it Up and wanted you out of the way, so he blackmailed you,” I answer what I remember her telling me, even though I’m more latched onto what she said about Kasey and her past. Is there more to it that I don’t know?

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