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“I love you.”
The words startle me. I thought I was alone, and also…what?
I look to the side of the porch where I heard Ben’s voice coming from and see him standing there, just barely illuminated by my atmospheric lights, his hands in his pockets, something I’ve learned is his nervous tell.
I stand and walk over to meet him as he makes his way up the porch steps.
“What did you say?” I ask.
“Kasey, I love you,” he says again with no hesitation, as he takes his hands out of his pockets and reaches for me. “I am so in love with you.”
I feel like steel butterflies are beating their wings in my chest as I rest my hands on his chest, gazing up into his sincere brown eyes, and waiting to wake up.
I haven’t heard these words from a man in so long. Evan had said them of course, but only to con me. But I can feel in the way Ben is gripping my waist and refusing to look anywhere but my face, this is the real deal. This man loves me.
“Ben,” I sigh, loving this so much but still so caught off guard. “Where is all this coming from?”
He closes his eyes for a moment and draws in a deep breath. Whatever he has to say looks like it’s going to take some strength - so I take his hands in mine and squeeze, offering him some of mine.
“It’s coming from the man you’ve helped mold into something resembling a person again,” he answers, and offers what looks like is going to be a complicated explanation. “When Jamie died, I wanted no attachment to that life anymore, including being the person I was, so I ran, discarding my soul somewhere along the way and living the next few years as a shell. Kase, I still don’t want to be that guy again, at least not exactly, but I don’t want to be the empty shell anymore either.”
“Ben, I don’t think you’re either of those people anymore,” I offer, giving his hands another squeeze and he squeezes right back.
“You’re right, I’m not. And it’s because of you,”
“Ben, you did this all on your-”
“Kase, don’t you dare,” he interjects. “You made me want to become this man. You and Luna.”
I sigh, knowing arguing this kind of thing with him is useless.
“You know, I will never know the man you were before you lost Jamie because we just plain wouldn’t have met. But this man,” I nod towards him, “who did love her and lose her and go through what you did, just to end up right here? I love him,” I confess.
Ben lets out what looks like a sigh of relief, like hearing those words is all his life needed in this moment.
“Kasey, I don’t want you to be a stepping stone, I want you to be my final destination; my home.”
Oh my God… this can’t be happening.
“It’s just… I’m not…”
Dammit, I knew it!
“Unbelievable!” I huff, backing away from him. “Seriously? The wholeit’s not you, it’s mecliché?” I rake my hands into my hair and dart away as he reaches for me. “Or are you going with theyou’re too good for me, I don’t deserve youlie that guys like to tell so that they can dump a woman but come off looking like the good guy. And you wonder why I struggle with my self-worth?”
Ben grabs ahold of my wrists to keep me from raving.
“Kase, just shut up and listen!”
What?
He straightens up and swallows nervously.
“I’m sorry, but when you doubt yourself, it makes me want to put you over my knee. Plus, the whole grumpy asshole has been a hard habit to break. But seriously, would you please listen to all I have to say? Yes,” he rolls his eyes, “everything you just blew up about is a lot like what I have to say, but it ends a bit differently than what you see on dumbass romance movies.”
I let out a defeated breath before closing my mouth and clenching my jaw.
Just get your little speech out and leave so I can fall apart and put myself back together again.
