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Ben
Flights are startingto get annoying as hell, but I can tell that this one was necessary in more than one way. The biggest of those being that I can’t stand how far away I am from Kasey and Luna. It’s a good feeling, having people in my life that are such a big part of it that I no longer like being so far away from it. It’s so reaffirming that they are my home, and that I want to get back to them as soon as possible, which means more fucking plane rides. So be it.
The balmy night breeze whips my hair as it comes through the back window of the cab. The feeling of being back in Indonesia brings a certain sense of nostalgia, but not one of comfort. The one place I blended in for so long now makes me feel out of place.
After the cab ride, I take a ferry to Flores and another cab to the Asri resort. It’s late by the time I make the trek down the long, familiar dock, but I’m on Pacific Time at the moment and napped on the plane, and though a little weary, I don’t feel tired.
I’ve been gone the whole summer, and so as expected, theJamie Marieis looking a little worse for wear with the paint faded and chipping along the side, and visible barnacles clinging to the bottom. I take a moment to just look at her from the dock, taking in what was my safe haven for the last few years. The hardest part of this journey will be letting it go. But this vessel is not part of my future. While visiting my parents and flying out here, I read several articles on grief and letting go of things that hold sentimental value. The tip I connected most with was the concept of being grateful for what the object brought me, and being happy with the idea that it will continue to exist in the world, bringing those same things to someone else. That said, it’s time to get to work.
For the next few days, I alternate scraping the crud off the bottom of the boat, replacing planks, scrubbing the deck, followed by re-staining the wood and putting a fresh coat of white paint along the outside.
On my final night, I stand on the dock with my bag by my feet and my hands in my pockets. With no one around, I take a moment to do something I never wanted to do, or thought I’d be brave enough to: I talk to her.
“Hey,” I sigh into the night air, addressing the name written in script across the back of the boat. “I know what you’re probably thinking. It’s about damn time, idiot,” I chuckle, trying to keep at least part of this light. “I know this is long overdue, and I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to accept what was happening because that would mean submitting to all the emotions that came with it, and Jamie, I didn’t think I could handle it. I thought it would be too much, that it would kill me. But I’ve had some help and I’m ready now.
“Jamie, I came because I’m ready to move forward. I’m ready to say goodbye to the life I’ve been living where I do nothing but sit around and miss you. I know you never would have wanted that for me. I know you would want me to be happy, and I’m sorry if I’ve not been fair to your memory by dwelling on your death all this time.
“There’s always going to be a small pocket inside my heart for you. The thing is, I’ve got someone now, that I love. Two somebodies, actually, and I’m ready to give the rest of my heart to her; to them. But I’ll never forget what our time together brought to my life.”
I reach forward, and one last time, place my hand over the wordsJamie Mariewith my last parting words. “Goodbye, honey.”
I let my hand linger for one moment longer before letting it drop. I turn, grabbing my bag up off of the dock and walk back to the shore.
After dropping all the keys and papers off with Sasha, I head toward the waiting taxi, ready to make the long journey to the rest of my life.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Ben
“Glad you actually came back,you dick.”
“Oh good, a friendly face,” I return sarcastically as Melanie steps onto the curb and rolls her eyes while opening her arms. She looks like a six-year-old being forced to hug her brother.
“So why couldn’t you just go straight to see Kasey? And why did I have to call her and talk her into coming out to the lake house?” She wastes no time with the questions as she follows me to the back of her car where the hatchback is open and waiting for my bag. “That took a lot of convincing by the way because Luna didn’t want to leave her cat. I had to reassure her that Steve will not try to eat him,” she rants on, referring to her weird, little black mutt of a dog with bug eyes. “Not to mention Kasey didn’t want to cancel on her clients.”
“I know,” I sigh, with only a slight hint of regret as I slam the trunk shut. “But I’m going to make it up to her,” I promise, as I climb inside the car on the passenger side. Believe me, it’s taking every ounce of will power not to blaze a trail straight to Kasey and Luna and take turns throwing my arms around the both of them, squeezing them tight. But I want to do this…
“And why is it so important that you talk to my husband?” My harpy friend keeps firing the questions. She’s like one of those five-year-olds that follows you around asking endless questions, needing to know everything. I drop my head back on the headrest and close my eyes, letting out a groan.
“So you met me literally seconds after seeing a shooting star?” Melanie marvels with an incredulous grin as she drives us down the freeway in the direction of the lake house. Badly, I might add. I thought that like with a kid, if I told her a story, she’d chill out, but here we are.
I can see she’s trying not to laugh, and it’s making me regret telling her anything.
“I’m sorry,” she holds a hand up in my direction and tries to compose herself. “It’s just, you have to admit, a broody boat captain that would barely even speak, save for some curse words and caveman grunts, believing in some kind of magic like that? It’s a little ironic and hard to get your head around.”
“I don’t believe in that shit,” I mumble as I throw a glare her way. “Jamie did,” I shrug, “so I just always kind of associated them with her. I saw one, met you, then six months later, I’m back in the States,” I rattle off in quick succession.
“Yeah, you came for my wedding, and then you were going to go back, but you didn’t. Now if you told me you saw a shooting star the night you met Kasey, the one before you saved Luna? Can you imagine? That would be insane!” She exclaims at the road in front of us, and I roll my eyes.
“Yeah, but I didn’t, I didn’t even go outside…” I trail off as I thought of the night I met Kasey and danced with her, and my hand instinctively goes to the bracelet on my wrist, quickly followed by my eyes. I twist it so that the shooting star charm is facing me, and I feel like a swallowed a chunk of ice, whole.
“Yes, I did,” I correct myself out loud.
I’ll be fucking damned… maybe I do believe in this shit.
Kasey
When I pull the truck up to the lake house, Matt and Melanie are just closing the door behind them and trapsing across the gravel towards us. Matt speeds up to the back passenger door and eagerly gathers his niece up in his arms as she gets out. Melanie stands patiently by with the biggest fake-ass smile on her face. I can tell she’s going for happy to see us, but she looks nervous as a whore in church. Her smile is way too big and her eyes are way too wide as she holds their weird little black dog under her arm, and it doesn’t escape me that her handbag is draped over her other shoulder.
