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“Chris hasn’t had many relationships. More like flings, I guess, and Charlie didn’t want me getting hurt. That’s why I kept getting mixed signals from Chris. He was interested but trying not to go against Charlie’s wishes.”
“What made him change his mind?”
“He said it’s that he likes talking to me.”
“You believe him?” Jen snorts. “I mean, no offense, but when is conversation the first thing a guy notices? You’re beautiful. Wouldn’t he notice that?”
“I get it,” I say without judgement. “If it wasn’t happening to me, I’d agree with you. But there’s a connection between us that’s more than physical. I mean, he’s gorgeous, and it’s impossible for me not to see that and feel pulled toward it. But I’m just as drawn to his mind, the way he thinks. The way he makes me think. I can’t explain it. We just fit. And I like that he’s caring. I mean he tried to put his brother’s feelings before his own…” I trail off.
Our food is delivered, and Jen dives in. “Is there a but coming?”
“Well, he’s honest,” I begin. “I mean, he told me about everything with Charlie before he ever asked me out, so I’d know what he was asking,”
“Wait, wait.” Jen waves her fork. “Charlie doesn’t know?”
“Not yet. We didn’t want to say anything unless there was anything to say.”
“And?”
“Chris is going to tell him.”
“So I’m guessing that means this is serious?” She watches me closely.
I push the food on my plate with the fork. “I think so, yes.”
“So, what’s the but?”
“I think Chris is honest,” I start, “but I think there’s something he’s not telling me.”
“What, like he’s got a wife stashed away somewhere?” Jen’s eyes go huge.
“No!” I exclaim. “No, nothing like that. I think something is weighing on him. At first, I thought it was going behind Charlie’s back, and now that we decided to tell him, I think some of that weight is lifted. But it still seems like there’s something else bothering him.”
“So ask him what it is,” Jen says matter-of-factly.
“Jen, we’ve been seeing each other less than a month. I haven’t earned the right to pry into his life beyond what he’s ready to tell me.” Besides, I have my secrets, too, I think.
“Maybe that’s part of his allure.” Jen’s eyes sparkle. “There’s a mystery there you need to solve. Or a scar you need to heal.”
“I think you’ve overdosed on the romance novels.” I snort, all too aware that Jen has just nailed a classic plot element.
“Nah, that’s just how I can tell you’re really into him. You want to save him from himself. You want to make him whole.”
I ponder that as I take a bite. That can’t be true, can it? If Chris does have something weighing on him, that doesn’t make him broken or in need of saving, and even if it did, that isn’t part of his allure. Or is it?
There’s a certain appeal to the notion that it’s me, above all other women, who he found a real connection with. Could that appeal be rooted in some subconscious belief that he needs me to smooth out the rough edges? No, that can’t be right. Real relationships aren’t borne of the notion that someone needs saving in some way. There are plenty of couples out there who are in love without one having to save the other, right? Besides, I’m not falling for Chris because of his flaws; I’m falling for him in spite of them. And who doesn’t have flaws? Jen is obviously misguided. Chris’s allure doesn’t stem from something broken, and I’m not compelled to fix anything about him. That scenario is reserved for book plots, not real life.
Although Harper is always saying behind every good man is a good woman, maybe that’s more than just an anecdote for selling books. Maybe that’s part of being in love, and I am trying to save him, because that would make this real.
“To what do I owe this surprise?” Harper exclaims when she picks up the phone. “Have you finished? Wait, no, you’d have sent it already if you had. You don’t need an extension, do you?”
“No, no, nothing like that,” I assure her. “I’m not calling about books, actually.”
“The conference? You want to present? It’ll be tough, but I might be able to get your spot,” she says amid a rustle of papers in the background.
“No, Harper, I don’t want to present. I have a question.”
“Oh? Okay, what do you need?”
