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I collapse onto my bed, taking note of how my room has remained untouched since I left it a month ago. After sliding my handbag off my tired shoulder, I plop it down onto the mattress and clasp my phone in my hand. With a deep breath, I tap the screen, illuminating the room with the soft glow of the flashlight.
My thumb unlocks the messages app, and in that moment, Tresa's name flashes in my mind.
I'm not one to easily give up on her, so I begin typing a message:
"Tresa, I truly hope you're doing alright and that you're not upset about last night. I want to sincerely apologize for any pain I may have caused. Please, as soon as you read this, reply to me. Let's meet up and talk things through."
With a swift movement, I press down on the blue "send" button that rests at the bottom right corner of my phone's screen.
I checked on the Messenger app and saw that Tresa was last online three hours ago, just before the incident with Dax and me happened at the club.
I sighed and rested my head on the soft pillow in front of me on my bed. I hoped Tresa would come online, even though I knew she was most likely asleep.
Tresa is the type of person who is always online at least once every twenty-four hours. She keeps her phone on and is constantly checking it throughout the day.
I took a deep breath and decided to distract myself by reaching into my handbag. I found my journal, the one where I write my ongoing story that I share with all of you. This journal holds the pieces of my journey, especially the ones that involve my own life and the events that unfold around me. Today, something significant happened, and I know I must write about it.
I grabbed my pen and pondered over what to write. The words that are troubling my heart in this moment are clear to me now. I am about to share with all of you what has happened and how it has affected me.
Dear readers,
Today has been quite eventful, to say the least. While Tresa danced the night away at the club, I found myself sitting alone, observing the surroundings. But I won't dwell on that too much, as I know your time is valuable.
Allow me to address the topic at hand - the unexpected and unwelcome kiss from Dax, which happened right in front of everyone.
I believe it's safe to say that this news has reached all corners. However, if you assume that I am elated by this turn of events, I must correct you.
Firstly, the kiss took me completely by surprise. I had never anticipated it, especially not from Dax.
He was the last person I expected to share my first kiss with, and it's been somewhat of a nightmare for me. As you know, I can't stand him. However, I am harboring a secret emotion concerning him at the present moment. The instant his lips touched mine, I felt an undeniable shift within me. It's difficult to put into words, but let's just say that I experienced an onslaught of butterflies in my stomach, my heart skipped a beat, and my mind was left in a whirlwind of confusion.
Had it been just Dax and me, in a more private setting, I can assure you that I would have attempted to savor the moment, to truly experience it in both its positive and negative aspects.
However, the circumstances made it feel completely wrong. After all, I am currently trying to mend the friendship with my best friend, who also happens to be Dax's ex-girlfriend. And to make matters more complicated, she still harbors deep feelings for him, despite all the hurtful things he has said and done. It baffles me that Tresa would choose to cling onto him, while I would rather endure the most repulsive things imaginable.
I didn't like the kiss. Let me make it clear to all of you reading that what bothered me wasn't just the absence of my consent before he kissed me. Truth be told, even if he had sought my permission, I would have taken that opportunity to escape his grasp. You see, Dax has never been one for seeking permission; he simply does things as he pleases, disregarding anyone else's needs or desires.
But that's not all, Tresa now despises me.
I'm at a loss for words and actions to convince her that I have no interest whatsoever in Dax.
I'm afraid, as I write this, of her stumbling upon it, clandestinely prying into my thoughts without my consent.
I'll probably shred this letter before it falls into her hands, for if she reads it, her hatred for me will only intensify.
I can't comprehend these jealous tendencies, especially since she made it clear she wanted nothing to do with him.
Is this the way girls act when consumed by jealousy? If you identify with this behavior, please jot it down in your journal. As for me, I find it utterly perplexing, as I've never encountered anything of this sort before. I simply cannot relate.
Tresa, whether you stumble upon this letter surreptitiously or with my tacit permission, please understand that none of the words I've written here hold any truth. Furthermore, kindly instruct your so-called boyfriend to extricate himself from my life, once and for all.
Dear readers,
This is a secret between you and me, a secret not to be shared with Tresa or Dax.
I kindly request that you do me a tremendous favor and refrain from informing them of what I am about to disclose. Can you assure me of your promise to keep this secret? If you can, then I implore you to continue reading. However, if your answer is no, I must regrettably inform you that I can no longer place trust in you, and I ask that you stop reading my journal.
To those who have chosen to continue reading, I extend my heartfelt gratitude. Thank you, thank you, thank you for safeguarding my secret. I feel compelled to address a few matters regarding the true nature of my feelings towards Dax and our current situation. Afterward, I will bring this endeavor to a close and retire for the night. In this moment, my sole source of light emanates from the flashlight on my phone, whose battery hovers at a mere 10% capacity. I beg your forgiveness if I inadvertently omit any essential points. Please bear with me in this regard. Shall we proceed? Once again, thank you for your trust.
