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Nicole was truly lost for words. All she could do was sink back into the couch cushions and stare blankly at the empty fireplace and the black screen of the TV.
Scott, free from her glare, kept talking, staring intently at the floor, rambling now that the cat was out of the bag. “I was just feeling, I don’t know… stuck, I guess. This was never meant to be permanent, working here, and I thought I’d gotten away during college, but then Dad got sick… That wasn’t supposed to be permanent either, but then helping out for a few months turned into a few years. I’m sorry, I just didn’t really know what to do.”
“So you just started applying to jobs behind my back?” Nicole asked, her voice smaller than she had ever heard it. That was what hurt — that he hadn’ttold herthat he’d wanted to leave.
“No, I—” Scott broke off and collected himself before he could answer properly. “I wasn’t looking for other jobs; I wasn’t even thinking about leaving, not really. Then a job ad came up for an assistant audio producer, and the whole thing was so perfect; it’s what I went to school for — it’s exactly what I’ve always wanted to do. So I applied, because it was three in the morning and I wasn’t even thinking that hard about it. I sent in some of my tracks to them and I went to sleep and forgot about it. But…”
He went back to picking at his fingers, like he really had reverted to being eight years old.
“I got a call on Monday asking for an interview, which was Tuesday. Wednesday they offered me the job, and today I decided that I should accept.”
He looked completely stricken. Nicole didn’t think he could look more down.
Well, good,thought a mean little voice in her head.He should feel guilty springing this on me now.
“You should have told me when they offered you the interview.”
“I know. I’m sorry. It all happened so fast I didn’t know what to do.”
“Well, Scott, I don’t know,” said Nicole, slapping her hands on her thighs. “Maybe tell me you want to leave first so I can find some help before you leave me on my own instead of the other way around! Where am I supposed to find farmhands to hire at this time of year? Ones competent enough that they won’t set the place on fire, at least?”
Scott didn’t have an answer for her, just looked at her with big, sad eyes. Nicole could feel the cold in her stomach shifting into something hot and angry.
“I can stay—” he began, and that was nearly enough to have Nicole murder him for real.
“Don’t be stupid,” she said, voice hard as a knife’s edge. “You know I’m happy for you, youknowI’m not going to guilt you into staying like dad did, so don’t even start that with me. You’d be anidiotnot to take it, no matter how badly you’ve screwed up the process so far.”
He nodded and kept quiet while Nicole took a deep breath and tried to get some sense of control back. She didn’t like being mean to him, being so harsh. Scott was one of the few people who got to see the softer side to her. But she’d meant what she’d said. She really was happy that he’d finally gotten a job in music. A weird, isolated part of her brain was thrilled for him. But she wasfuriousthat he’d gone about it in probably the worst way possible. Both things could be true.
All she could do now was focus on the practicalities.
“Okay, so, you can stay until I get help in, right?”
He didn’t respond.
“Right? Scott…”
“It depends how fast you’d be able to find someone,” he said noncommittally.
“Well, not very fast. It’s the middle of winter — who’s looking for work right now? Just… I mean, surely you could tell them you can only move to Tennessee once you’re wrapped up here? Right? Like, just explain the situation. Tell them you were an idiot and didn’t give your sister fair warning.”
“It’s pretty nonnegotiable, Nicole,” he said with a small shrug. “It’s part of the terms. It’s a new studio that’s just been built and I need to start when the doors open. I already tried to negotiate that with them.”
“When?” she said stiffly, the words like cardboard in her mouth. “When are you leaving?”
“Two weeks.”
Nicole took a deep breath in through her nose, eyes closed so she didn’t have to look her brother in the face. She felt like she was having an out-of-body experience; she felt like she was floating, and it was nauseating.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and that snapped her right back into place. She threw a cushion at him, hard, but Scott deflected it easily. He deserved something much heavier thrown at his head.
Nicole wanted to run. Just leave through the front door and run, run, run. But she didn’t even trust her legs to hold her up for a few steps right now, because before the words had even left Scott’s mouth, she knew what he was going to say and how much it was going to hurt.
“We already talked about selling the place,” he said, voice so quiet that on any other night she might not have heard him. “Use the money to do something different, rather than just keep funneling it back into a limping business.”
“Yeah, and we agreed that we weren’t going to do that. We weren’t going to sell the farm just to make a quick buck.”
“Things change, Nicole.”
