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Leaning down to brush my lips against his, I whispered. “You’ve already reached the summit. You can free fall and I’ll catch you…always.” Alex gave in with a groan, capturing my lips with his.
This cabin certainly had an effect on us. We spent the rest of the week mostly tangled up in each other.
Alex was more than ready when we got on the plane at the end of our short reprieve. Our first stop was Paris for a few nights, followed by Germany for a night. Alex was well rested and in a pretty good head space. We’d even talked about starting to try for a baby again next year once the tour had wrapped up. We only had six months left at this point. Alex was going to take a long break from the music business afterward. His new album, book and tour had given Harbour Records the profit it needed to compete with Rock Records. Oliver, our silent business partner, would be paid off fully after the tour, and Harbour Records would be self-sufficient. I was beyond proud of what Alex had accomplished in three short years!
“Where the fuck are we heading to now?” Lance yawned, stretching on the plane. We were a week into the European part of the tour.
“Rome, and then it’s London tomorrow for four nights,” Shane replied, shifting a sleepy Liv that had been resting against his shoulder. “It’s going to be pretty early when we arrive. I’ve got extra security meeting us at the airport. I’m expecting it to be busy.”
“Even at one in the morning?” Alex questioned, tilting his head. I sat across from him, resting my legs on his lap. Private planes were so much easier than trying to fly first class. Okay, a lot more expensive, but Alex liked that we could all fly together without worrying about other passengers.
“Yeah, fans know what time you’re landing. Liv noticed it on some of your social media yesterday.”
“Your fans are insane, man!” Lance joked, yawning again.
It was chaos at the airport like Shane had expected. We went to the hotel in a few different cars, trying to confuse the paparazzi.
Like many we stayed at, we checked in through the staff entrance, wandered through the kitchens, and took the staff lift to our large penthouse suite. If this was a taste of what was to come with the European leg of the tour, it was going to be pretty intense.
“Don’t you ever get bored of doing that?” I giggled, watching Alex jump onto the bed and roll around, messing up the pillows and throw. He was such a child. I'd been exhausted the last few days, and I wasn’t sure why. It was probably the jet lag, but it felt different somehow. Hopefully, I wasn’t coming down with something again.
“It’s the best feeling, diving into fresh linen,” Alex smirked, patting the space next to him. “You look shattered. Let’s get some sleep.” The bed did look inviting, and sleep sounded like a really good plan.
Waking up early the next morning, I rushed to the bathroom, feeling sick. Shit! Did I have food poisoning again? After heaving my guts up for a few minutes, I splashed some water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror. Wow, my skin was glowing. When I saw that, a sinking feeling entered my mind. Oh fuck! When was the last time I had my period? I couldn’t even remember. I’d been so preoccupied with the tour and then the time spent at the cabin, that it had totally slipped my mind. It had to be well over a month! But I’d been taking birth control. I couldn’t be pregnant. There was no way! What if somehow the birth pill hadn't worked?! I had been meticulous in taking them. Birth control was supposed to be over 99% effective. Had I done wrong for the universe to conspire against me like this? All my little angels lost, and now this… Panic began to take over as my thoughts swarmed my mind. Fuck, I’d had food poisoning and been throwing my guts up last month! Had that affected it? No! I took a slow, deep breath to calm myself. There was no point stressing until I knew for sure. While Alex was at sound check later, I’d do a pregnancy test and deal with it from there. Shit! Shit! Shit! We still had six months left of the tour. If I was pregnant, I had no idea how Alex would take it! How could I have been so stupid and forgotten about my period?
It was easy to get out and grab a pregnancy test. I was only gone for half an hour before I was back in the hotel room, ripping the test open.
Panic was rushing through me again and I had to calm my breathing, so I didn’t hyperventilate. If I was pregnant, the timing was awful. Not only that, but I’d also been taking contraceptive pills for the last six weeks, too. Would that harm the baby? Calm down and take the damn test before you start spiralling!
After peeing on the stick, I paced the bathroom and waited. It felt like an eternity as I watched for the lines to appear. Everything was going to be okay. There was only a small chance I could… I stopped thinking as the lines appeared.
Fuck! There was the cross, confirming my fear. I was pregnant again!
Bile began to rise to my throat. Alex was going to flip. He was committed to a world tour. There was no clause in the contract allowing us to finish the tour early if this pregnancy ended badly like the others. Stress wasn’t good for the baby, so I tried to rationalise my worries. I was only six weeks pregnant at the most. We had six months left of the tour. As long as the baby went full term we’d be okay. If the baby stayed at all. My heart sank, my entire body racked with pain, because I knew that a positive pregnancy test didn’t promise a baby. Would my body fail me again? Thick tears began to trickle down my face. That's what miscarriages did to women. They took away the joy this moment should have brought. All that was left was longing, a silent prayer, and begging that this time would be different…a plea to not take this child away like the others. Please! Please! Let Alex and I keep this one. I won’t ask for anything else, just this little bean! Stroking my stomach, I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself. Please, don’t take this one.
It will break me!
Alex could tell something was wrong on the flight to London. For once, I was happy to be going to my hometown. I planned on visiting my parents later while Alex and the guys did their sound check, which had surprised him.
“Have I done something wrong?” Alex whispered in my ear, concerned. Shaking my head, my eyes began to water. “Nat, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”
“I’m tired and not feeling well. Just hold me, please,” I breathed. His arms immediately wrapped around me. Once we reached London and the hotel, I’d tell him. I knew it wasn’t fair to him to put it off.
“Fuck, you’re shaking. Let me grab a blanket.” Alex came back with a blanket and got me to stand up. After he’d wrapped the blanket around me, he pulled me onto his lap. I settled in gratefully, resting against his chest. His gentle strokes through my hair as his chest rose up and down slowly lulled me into dream land.
I woke up with Alex carrying me to the car. When had we even landed? “I was trying not to wake you,” he soothed, looking down at me. “We’ll get you to the hotel, and you can sleep. If you’re still not feeling right, I’ll get a doctor in the morning.” Swallowing hard, all I could do was nod. I’d sleep, and tell him once I woke up. It was gutless of me, but the loving look in his eyes made me want peace a little while longer. “Do you want me to call your parents? They can visit you at the hotel instead.”
“No, I’m sure after a sleep I’ll be okay.” Alex set me on my feet, then helped me into the car.
Touching my face once we were both in our seats, Alex sighed. “You do have a little more colour on your face.”
“Alex, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”
“I’m your husband, I’m allowed to worry about you.” It was on the tip of my tongue to blurt it out there and then, but I didn’t want an audience while he freaked out. Alex liked control. This bombshell was going to be difficult for him to handle.
I got a few hours of sleep once we checked into the hotel. Alex felt happier seeing more colour on my face when we woke up, and left around mid-morning for sound check. I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling for a few hours, trying to work out how I’d tell him that we’d accidentally gotten pregnant. By midday, I realised that I hadn’t eaten yet, and my sickness had passed. I ordered room service, then got showered and dressed before it arrived. My mouth was watering at the fresh fruit and pancakes. Did the little bean have a sweet tooth like their dad already? I smiled at the thought. Stay, Little Bean. I love you so much already. Please don’t leave us.
I was finishing my last mouthful when Alex returned. “Well, you must be feeling better.” He beamed then glanced down at my plate. “Hey, you didn’t save me a pancake!” he teased, kissing the top of my head. “Matt’s down in the bar with the others. Diego is set to arrive in a few hours. Did you want to join them later? If you’re feeling up to it, that is.” There were times I feared Alex sitting in a bar, but watching his band mates drink didn’t seem to faze him these days.
