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“I need to go to her, don’t I?”
“Yeah, you need to grovel. Tell her what an insensitive cock you’ve been and beg for her forgiveness. After that, we’re going to wrap her up in cotton wool. Then we’re going to get her checked over by the most expensive doctor we can find in Europe, because this baby isn't going anywhere. I won’t allow it. I’m sure Milly is up there watching over Nat and this little miracle, too. We’ve got all bases covered. This little one isn’t going anywhere.” The fucker had me in tears as he finished.
“Thank you, old friend,” I whispered as he hugged me tightly. “You never left me. You’ve always believed in me. In those earlier years, you and Milly kept me alive.”
“You’ve fought to get here. You deserve a beautiful life, Alex.”
“Agreed,” a voice came from behind me. Matt stood there with his hands in his pocket. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. The guys said you were in here. Did I hear right, Nat’s pregnant?” Truthfully, I didn’t trust this fucker enough with that secret, but it was too late now. He might as well know the truth.
“Nat and I have been trying for a few years, but we’ve had a lot of horrific miscarriages. This one wasn’t planned, and things got a little heated between us when she told me. You know what I’m like.”
“Yeah,” Matt chuckled, taking a seat. “I was usually at the other end of your heated moments.”
“You two were always too similar. That was the issue,” Diego commented, getting up to get us all a drink.
“How badly did you fuck up?” Matt asked me, seeming genuinely concerned.
“Really fucking bad!”
“Nat will forgive you, Alex. And for what it’s worth, I think the two of you will make great parents.” I sat there gawking at him. “What?”
“Milly’s death really fucking changed you, didn’t it? You have never complimented me…ever!”
“I’m complementing your wife more. She’s the one that grounded you.” Matt smirked as Diego handed us all a glass of water. “No whiskey?”
“Of course no whiskey, you fucking idiot! Look at him! No thanks to you and Ness, he's a recovering addict!” Matt shifted in his seat, realising his comment had touched a nerve. Diego gave me a sympathetic glance. “You have no idea how hard this is for him, especially in moments like this. He fights every fucking day!” Diego was right. My body was craving alcohol in a dangerous way today. “If he goes to see Nat with whiskey on his breath it will finish her off.”
“I wasn’t thinking. Sorry, man,” Matt admitted. “I’m sorry for everything.” I could tell in his voice he wasn’t just apologising for the comment. He was saying sorry for everything that happened in the past, too. Well, fuck me!
“It’s okay, man. I wouldn’t take a single sip, even if someone put a bottle in front of me today or any other day.” It was true…I had too much to live for these days. Whenever the addiction got too heavy, or my demon became too loud, I’d bury myself in Nat. Her taste, how she felt curled around me, her body bowing to mine as I fucked her. It always overrode any other addiction I had. In her, I had my salvation. Not a cure, I’d be fighting my demons until I died, but a reason to fight. With her love, I’d become a better person…someone that made me like myself for the first time in my life.
Who would have believed that a broken rock star could be brought to his knees by love. That’s what Nat had done. She loved me when I couldn’t love myself.
When I looked back at the man I’d been before her, fuck, I was a mess. Diego liked to blame Matt and Ness for my addictions, but I was the one abusing my body long after they’d been out of my life. I was the only person to blame for my drug and alcohol overuse. It numbed my pain. The pain of losing my mother so young, of having to live with my abusive aunt and uncle. I was my uncle's punch bag because at ten years old, I was an easy target. My aunt would almost starve me to death, because to her, I was a financial burden. The moment I met Matt, Cody and Masen at fourteen, they became my family. At sixteen, I got kicked out for finally standing up to my Uncle. I lived between friends' houses until college. That was where I became close friends with Milly and Diego. When I met Oliver, he helped the band and I by getting some talent scouts to watch us busk. I never looked back from that moment. For my mother, I was going to grab that music dream, no matter the cost. I gave my body and soul to Rock Records when I signed on the dotted line, letting them control me for almost fifteen years.
Ness saw the broken parts of me and fed them. Diego and Milly saved me countless times in the early years. Diego would physically fight with Ness if he saw her putting drink or drugs down my throat. Milly had literally stopped me from choking on my own vomit a handful of times. The two of them would take turns to stay up watching me all night when I’d had a heavy session. Back then, I didn’t fucking deserve them. They kept me alive…for my life with Nat.
Milly. A part of my fucking heart died with her. She was the sister I always dreamed about, my confidence in times of need. She knew all my dark sides and still loved me. I’d spend the rest of my life making her proud, the same way I did with my mother. Having two guardian angels watching over me had to count for something.
Without Nat, I would never have had the courage to break free from Rock Records. There was a strength inside me that had always been there, but it took one astounding, beautiful woman to walk into my life for me to see it. She saved me in every way imaginable.
Fuck! What was I doing moping? I needed to go to her! Chase her, as I always did, because my Straight Lace was always worth fucking running after.
“I need to go to Nat right now. Make her understand, and tell her what an idiot I’ve been. I need her to forgive me and come home.” I blurted out.
“Don’t let us stop you. I’ve been wondering what you’re still doing here for the last two hours,” Diego beamed. “Go and fucking get her!”
Chapter Twenty-One
After a few hours of crying in my room, I fell asleep for a little while. It felt strange being in my childhood bedroom. This room hadn’t changed much since my teenage years when I left for university. A few of my old Steel Roses posters were still on the walls. Old pictures of Liv and I were scattered around the room. I’d messaged her, explaining everything that had gone on. She wanted to string Alex up by his balls, but I begged her to stay away until I’d had the chance to talk to him. It had all gotten very heated. Now I’d slept on it, I realised Alex was as scared as me.
My mum had brought me some fresh tomato soup, and was sitting on the bed, watching me.
“What did you and Alex fight over?”
“I’m pregnant again, Momma,” I sobbed. “And I hate that I can’t be happy about it because I’m terrified this baby, like the others, won’t stay. We didn’t plan it. Alex freaked out when I told him because we still have six months left of the tour.”
“Oh, tesoro mio!” My mother put her hand to her chest before hugging me. “It’s natural to feel that way. Your father and I never told you this, but I lost two babies before you.”
