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“She’s pregnant.” Diego’s eyes widened. “And being the stupid fucker I am, I yelled at her, accusing her of getting pregnant on purpose while I’m in the middle of the fucking world tour.”
“Oh fuck, Alex! You idiot!” Diego put his face in his hands. “Do you want me to go and talk to her?”
“She’s with her parents. I don’t want any more stress around her today. Hopefully, she’ll rest. I’ll go and see her tomorrow before the show…beg if I have to. I’m such a fucking dickhead!”
“You wear your heart on your sleeve. You always have.”
“I can’t fucking lose her, Diego! I won’t survive. She’s my fucking lifeline!” Have a drink to relax, my inner demon whispered. Numb the pain for one night. You’ll feel better and it will clear your head.
“You won’t lose her! Do you have any idea how much that girl loves you?”
“Have you read my book yet?” I was pretty sure I loved her more. Not that it has ever been a competition. I fucking loved how Nat felt about me: all consuming need and devotion.
“You know I can’t bring myself to read all that pain. I was fucking there, remember? I don’t have to read the book!” I’d told this fucker to read my book countless times, so he could learn about when I had first seen Nat. This fucker still had no clue!
“Do you remember the gig the night Ness died?”
“The one in London? Yeah, you were weird that night, as if you knew Ness was going to die. What does that have to do with reading your book?”
“Ness and I had a huge argument earlier in the day, so I hid around the back of the stadium watching all the fans arrive. I hadn’t wanted to deal with her or anyone. This one fan came up to the glass I was standing behind. I knew she couldn’t see me, but something about her drew me in. She was calling to me and she had no clue…pure and beautiful. I’d never wanted anything so quickly in my entire life.”
“Holy fuck! Was it Nat? Liv mentioned something, but I didn’t really pay attention because I was still hurting after losing Milly.”
“I stood there right in front of her for five minutes while she used the mirrored window to put her hair back up. I memorised her face in case I ever saw her again. It was the closest thing to love at first sight I’d ever experienced.”
“Was it her!? Fucking tell me!” Diego stressed. He had always been an impatient fucker.
“Yes.”
“Holy shit! The times you would rant about wanting an ordinary life with someone good and pure. It was Nat you were thinking about.” Every. Fucking. Time. For over ten years.
“Yeah. When she rejected my advances, I fucking lost it. All that time daydreaming about the perfect woman, and she hated me. I wanted to get back at her for not wanting me the way I wanted her. With her rejection, I realised what I had become, so I played the part of the asshole rock star to hide my pain.”
“I wondered why you had such a vendetta against her in the early days.”
“Then I fell in love with her, and knew I was done for.”
“You fell first, didn’t you?” Diego beamed. All I could do was nod. “When did you know?”
“When she poured ice over my junk in her office.” I laughed at the memory. She’d gotten me so hard, playing me at my own game.
“Shit! I’d forgotten about that! She was hilarious!” Diego clapped his hands, laughing out loud. “When did you tell her the truth? Before the book, I hope!”
“Yeah, I told her while we were staying at the cabin the first time. It blew her mind. She remembered being at that concert and putting her hair up. I had no doubt it had been her, but it was nice to have solid proof.”
“You kept that to yourself all those years?”
“Milly knew,” I sighed, swallowing at the sound of her name on my tongue. Fuck, how I missed her!
“Of course she did,” Diego smiled, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. “I watch the reruns of her show just to see her.”
“Me, too.” We were both silent for a few moments. “Milly would have kicked my ass for what I said to Nat.”
“I’m still thinking about kicking your ass!” Diego threw his long blonde hair over his shoulders. “I love you, Alex. You’re my oldest friend, but shit, you really infuriate me at times!”
“I’m scared for her. That’s why I lashed out. I almost lost her last time she had a miscarriage. I…if…if this pregnancy doesn't go as planned, I’m not sure I’ll be able to pull her back. She gets so lost in her sorrow.”
“And you don’t think Nat is feeling the same way?” I knew she would be. It was why I felt so fucking guilty when I stopped to think about what I had said to her. Nat had enough to worry about, and I had to add to it by being a total jackass! “She’s desperate to give you a child. She loves you that much.”
