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I could barely think, I was so excited. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed out on, not having those moments with Colin. The ultrasound had been so beautiful, so amazing to hear my babies’ heartbeats. I couldn’t imagine not being there for Katie every step of the way.
I couldn’t wait to tell her that I was in it for the long run.
She was quiet as I led her out to the car, buckling her seatbelt for her. I got close enough to kiss her beautiful mouth, but didn’t, instead kissing her forehead.
She startled a little but didn’t comment.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked.
“Why are you so okay?” she practically yelled once I started the car. “We’re going to have two newborns!”
“It’s alright,” I told her, trying to calm her down and taking her hand, but she pulled away.
“Adam, if you’re going to leave me again?—”
“I’m not going to leave you, never again,” I promised, taking her hand and bringing it to my lips, kissing her knuckles. She didn’t pull away that time. “You’re the mother of my children, Katie. I’m going to buy you a house, one large enough for you and the kids to have plenty of room. I’ll always make sure you have everything you need. You and our children.
“I don’t need you to be my hero, Adam. Just because you came to one ultrasound doesn’t mean that you’re going to stay forever.”
We pulled up to her house and I idled in the driveway for a long moment. We sat in silence until she unbuckled her seatbelt and started to get out.
I grabbed her wrist, panic rising in my throat.
“You can’t just go like this, Katie,” I told her, my voice tight.
“Give me a reason not to,” she said softly, and I pulled her to me to kiss her, putting my hands in her hair.
Katie was hesitant at first and then she melted into my arms, kissing me back, her tongue searching inside of my mouth.
I pulled away after a moment, looking into her eyes. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, not for one minute of the last two months.”
“Don’t say things like that, Adam. Not if you don’t mean them,” she said, her brown eyes wet.
“It’s true, Katie. I care about you. More than I’ve ever cared about any woman,” I admitted, knowing once I said it that it wastrue. “I want to be in your life and our babies’ life, no matter what it takes.”
“You won’t leave me again?” she asked, and my heart clenched. I hated that I had ever hurt her.
“I won’t,” I promised. “I’d never leave you and our babies.”
“And what if I don’t want you in my life?”
I swallowed hard. “If you decide that you don’t want anything to do with me, I’ll leave you alone, but I need to be a part of our children’s lives, Katie. I want to be a good father to them, and I want to be good for you. If you’ll let me.”
“And you’ll keep trying to prove to me that you want to be in our lives? That you want to support us, emotionally, not just financially?” she asked, her voice shaky.
“Yes. I’ll try and prove it every day of my life,” I promised. I felt like I was standing on the edge of some cliff, like Katie could push me right off and I’d fall, broken.
She held my happiness in her hands and was carrying it in her belly, and I needed her in some capacity, even if she didn’t want me.
Katie still looked unsure, as we continued to sit in my car.
“Come inside,” she said suddenly, and I didn’t know where things were headed. We got out of the car together and walked up to her townhome. She unlocked the door, and all I could do was follow her. I’d follow her to hell in that moment if she asked me to and knowing that scared the shit out of me.
I couldn’t let her go. Not now.
“I’m sorry that I ever pushed you away, Katie. I can promise you that I won’t do that again. I won’t leave you alone to take care of these babies on your own. They’re mine as much as they are yours, and?—”
She cut me off, walking toward me and wrapping her arms around my neck.
