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I shake my head. “You can’t know that for certain. What if you’re wrong? What about Sun, Jaewoo, and Youngmin? Don’t you care about how your actions affect them?”
This seems to get through to him because he lowers his head.
“I can’t accept that you’re pushing me away for my sake,” he says.
“Then will you accept that I’m thinking of myself?”
“No.”
“Nathaniel!”
“Do you honestly care what a stranger on the internet says about you?”
“Maybe not one stranger, but five hundred strangers? Yes!”
I take a deep breath. “But it’s more than that. I have a responsibility to the company.” Seeing my mother reminded me of the promise I made to her. “I have more to lose...”
“I have to loseyou,” Nathaniel says heatedly. “For me, that’s enough.” He gets to his feet, grabbing his book off the table. “Even if it doesn’t matter to you.” He’s angry, speaking out of his emotions.
He gathers our trash and heads into the convenience store.When he comes out, he doesn’t wait for me, walking ahead of me up the hill toward the house.
I don’t know if it’s the stress from the day or the fight we just had, but tears start to fall from my eyes.
I stop by the vine-covered wall outside my front gate. “Nathaniel.”
He must hear the tears in my voice because he turns. There’s a brief pause, then he’s walking back toward me. He gathers me in his arms.
“I’m sorry,” he says, his breath warm against the top of my head. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“I’m scared.”
“We can be careful. We can keep it a secret.”
I shake my head. “We can’t.”
Nathaniel’s arms tighten around me, then he releases me, stepping back. “I should go. I feel like if I stay, I’ll want to hold you, I’ll want to...” He takes an unsteady breath. “I’m going to get my stuff.”
I nod, sniffling. “I’ll wait out here.”
A few minutes later, the front gate opens and Nathaniel comes out again. At the sight of his duffle bag, I have to fight back a fresh wave of tears.
“What about the paparazzi?” I ask.
“They haven’t been around, at least not for the past week.”
Which means he could have left as early as last week but stayed. Because he’d wanted to.
“I’m having a party for the launch of my song on Wednesday. It’s at the Sowon Hotel. Will you come?”
“Yes.”
I want to be there for him.
He looks like he means to say more but stops himself.
He doesn’t say goodbye. Neither do I.
I watch him walk all the way down the hill to the main road. Once he rounds the corner, out of sight, I collapse onto the ground and cry.
