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He shook his head. “Not to kids.”
“And you’re really not going to tell me.”
She saw a hint of a smile—or maybe she just wanted it to be there. “It’d be a shame to cave in after that big speech.”
“Come on,” she said playfully. “What can I do to earn it? I could swing dance for you again. I know you liked that.”
He didn’t look up. “By yourself?”
“Or with you.”
Nick took a while to answer. “I shouldn’t earn something like that by detailing my damage.”
Hayley felt a small shock of intuition. Did Nick think he didn’t deserve to dance with her?
“I saw the way he looked at you,”Alexa had said. And then last night he’d told her she was beautiful. She’d asked if he’d meant it, and he hadn’t just said yes—he’d said,“I think you’re full of beauty.”People threw around words all the time, but Nick had been so deliberate, like he’d thought about this. It had meant something to her.
She’d thought he was keeping his distance out of disdain, but what if he was handling her so carefully because she … mattered?
She didn’t think this was a crush. He wasn’t fawning over her. But Hayley had the sinking feeling she’d been reading him completely wrong. It must have shown in her face, because he gave a quick, defensive grin, like using a flashbulb to blind someone.
“You know what?” he said. “Points for persistence. I have cerebral palsy.”
Hayley didn’t want to tell him she didn’t know what that meant, but apparently Nick was feeling merciful.
“That’s just another term for brain damage at birth,” he continued, “or early childhood. I was born early, so there was bleeding in my brain, so the signals between my brain and my legs got screwed up. Basically I can’t walk or stand without something to hang on to.”
“And you’ve got that startle thing.” Hayley wanted to avoid screwing up again.
“Yeah.” He focused on his coffee. “I mean, there are other things. I’m not that coordinated, and I can’t walk very far without getting tired. But everything else is pretty normal.”
Hayley digested this, and he took her silence as disappointment. “See?” he said. “I didn’tdoanything. I wasn’t someone better before this.”
“That doesn’t make you any less impressive,” she said.
He laughed. “What, because I made breakfast all by myself, like a big boy?”
Hayley shook her head, wishing she hadn’t walked into the kitchen carrying so much anger.
“Because you couldn’t leave the bar without knowing I was okay,” she said softly.
Nick loaded the empty dishes back on the cart. “Yeah, well, should’ve done better with those clothes.”
Hayley watched him walk slowly back to the counter. “Can we be friends, Nick?”
He paused. “Aren’t we friends already?”
“Oh, sure, you’ve been really friendly these past couple weeks. I got more enthusiasm from the cashier at Walmart the other day.”
He examined a plate, his grip and his voice tight. “I’m not really sure what you want from me, Hayley.”
“How about having a conversation where I don’t feel like I’ve done something wrong?”
That got him to look at her. Hayley felt her throat constrict, like the frustration she had buried was rising up to keep her from speaking.
“I get that.” he said. “You tried to be nice, and all I’ve ever done is make you feel worse. I’m sorry. But if it takes you two or three drinks before you can stand to be around me, why in the world do you want to be my friend?”
His tone was even, his words measured, but she could see pain in his eyes.
