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She shook her head.
“Really?” He choked out a laugh. “Great. Well, I would’ve. And I’m not talking about trying to get you to come home withme from the bar. I mean I would’ve dressed up and been classy about it, and I would’ve asked you to dinner or lunch or coffee, or whatever the hell you would’ve agreed to, because spending time with you is a gift I don’t deserve.”
Hayley hadn’t moved. After all this time, they were back where they’d started that first night, and once again she was blindsided by a part of him he wished she’d never had to see.
“But hey,” he said, “I managed to win the jackpot anyway. I’m a jerk to you, and you still want to spend time with me. You want to share with me and listen to me, and I don’t even know where I am half the time, because you smile at me and I can think of absolutely nothing else. You’re incredible.”
Some part of him pictured shutting up, walking out the door while he could still protect himself, but the words flowed from him with a horrible sort of relief. At least it’d be out. At least he could be done.
“I can’t do it,” he said. “You invite me for lunch, and I can’t stop looking at Kevin and knowing I’ll always come in second. I was awful today, and you teach me to dance. You did the nicest …”
His throat closed up, and he stared at the floor.
“Nothing gives me the right to try and take what you never gave me,” he said. “I failed you.”
“No.”
He looked up. Hayley stared at him in shock, her eyes glistening. “No,” she said again, her voice stronger. “You’ve never failed me.”
Of course she would say that. It was the sort of thing a good person did.
“I found my joy in you, Hayley. I ache to dance on that stage, yes, but I was talking about you, and for the life of me I can’t find a way to be your friend. That’s a failure.”
She shook her head. “It was just a kiss. It doesn’t matter.”
“What you just did was the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me. I need you to know that.”
He made himself walk past her to the door. There would be time for the pain later, alone, in the dark.
“Nick.”
He turned back to look at her.
“I would have said yes.” She smiled, tears streaming down her face. “If you had asked me out.”
He could see she believed that, and he wished he could too.
“Goodbye, Hayley.”
20
Six days later, Hayley was climbing the stairs to her bedroom. “Just act like nothing happened,” she said into her cell phone.
“Nothing happened,” said Denise. “Tonight’s just a typical Friday night.”
“Right. He’s taking this too seriously.”
“Soyoushouldn’t feel guilty about it either. A slow dance isn’t code for ‘jump me.’”
“I know.”
“Unless it’s that boner song. You can’t dance to a pop song about getting an erection and not—”
“Yes, yes, yes, just stop.” Hayley said, grinning. Her best friend was trying to get her to laugh. “Don’t worry. I went with ‘Truly Madly Deeply.’”
Silence. “You what?”
Hayley stopped moving. “You know. Savage Garden.”
