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Her eyes lingered absently on her coffee. “I never had a choice, ya know? She never understood that.”
He nodded. “Not everybody has that kind of passion.”
“Why not, though?” Hayley leaned forward. “You know how inSingin’ in the—” She stopped. “I forgot. You don’t know who Cyd Charisse is.”
“I’ve seenSingin’ in the Rain.” He laughed at the look on her face. “And now you’re going to kill me.”
“Were you just screwing with me?” She sighed. “And I’d almost forgiven you for thatAmerican in Texasbullshit.”
“I don’t know all of the actors or anything,” he said. “I had this girlfriend in high school, and musicals were her thing. I watched a few back then, is all.”
“Do you remember when Don takes Kathy onto a soundstage to sing and dance with her? He doesn’t know another way to tell her how he feels.”
He nodded.
She shrugged. “It’s like that.”
“Dancing is your native language.”
“Exactly!” She beamed. “It’s how I communicate, Nick. It’s how I touch the world around me and how I stay aware of myself and how Ibreathe, really. Doesn’t everybody have something like that?” She paused. “You think I’m crazy.”
“Not at all.” He grinned. “Tell me what it’s like.”
She grabbed his arm, eyes shining. “So my feet are moving across the floor, and I’m jumping through the air, and all my muscles are working together with my breathing and my heart and my pulse. I’m existing the way I’m supposed to. I can cry and laugh and yell, but I’m not trulyrespondingto something unless I dance.” She watched him. “You have that, right? When you sing?”
“Sometimes.” He thought about it. “You have to give up a lot for something like that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you’re plugging straight into your heart. That means whatever’s feeding you can break you too. You might not be as happy without it, but at least you have some control.”
Hayley thought about losing control. “You think it’s worth it?” she asked.
“I think you’re much better at it than I am.”
She wanted to plead with him not to think so highly of her.
“Icarus was perfect at the beginning,” she said. “Like my whole life was revolving around the thing I couldn’t live without. Especially once I had Kevin.”
Nick didn’t prompt her, and she was grateful. The choice to move closer had to be hers.
“You get another family when you join a dance company like that,” she said. “I still love them. All those crazy people who love what you love—they become your life, and they have your back. Because the job takes all of you. You don’t make any money, and you don’t have free time, and you pretty much wave goodbye to anybody outside of Icarus. I thought that was the least I could give to something I loved so much.”
“Sure,” he said. “You had to do your best.”
She rubbed her eyes. “So first I thought I was just tired, you know? There was always something to be rehearsing or thinking about or taking care of, and for a long time I just tried to be good enough. I had to learn to rehearse for a new show all day and then go on stage to do the current one that night. I had to listen to some girl in the kitchen call me a bitch because I could dance better than her and then smile my way out to serve tables. I always had to be on.”
“You think that’s going on at Vivez?” he asked. “I know they’re always moving, but I don’t see the stress.”
She shook her head. “I can’t say for sure, but I haven’t gotten that vibe. I think everybody probably treats one another better, for starters.”
Nick got up from the table and transferred their dishes onto his cart. “Still,” he said, “if they’re wigging out, I want to help.”
“You help plenty already.” She grabbed the cart. “Here. Let me clean up.”
“Are you sure?” he asked. “Using that toaster can take a lot out of a person.”
“Sit your smart ass down, Freeman.”
