AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I nodded. “Yes, I guess we were,” I said. I bit my lip as I thought of her face. Those blond curls and honey eyes that had haunted me for so long. That word didn’t seem big enough to describe all the ways Brenna existed in me. “But it was more than that,” I continued, my eyes cutting to Riven. “We were all the other had. Friend, family, lover,hope. Most don’t find any of those at the Order, let alone all.”
I thought of the Shades who had died already. How many more would never get the chance to find a bit of hope to hold onto? My eyes stung as their faces played over in my mind. The Shades from the dam I didn’t know. Alys. Elinar.Brenna.
“What happened to her?” Riven’s eyes were gentle and inviting, but again, I knew I didn’t have to answer. Riven didn’t need that piece of me to trust me. Toseeme. I was Keera with or without my secrets. That made them easier to tell.
Riven’s hand reached out and settled on the crook of my elbow. He traced along the skin of my unscarred forearm.
“She was a fiery person. Always striving to outdo herself and everyone else,” I said, my lips perking up to one side. “She entered the Order later than most, but eventually became one of the best. Not through natural talent. In truth she had very little of it, but she succeeded by sheer will. To her, nothing was impossible, and to say so was to issue a challenge.” I laughed, leaning on my hand as I laced my fingers through Riven’s. I never let myself think of the happy memories. I had kept her wrapped in darkness. Bringing her into the light eased the weight on my chest, the burning in my throat.
“She was the one who made me see what the king had done, what he still does. Imprisoning our people, letting them die for him, starve even though their labor sustains his kingdom.Shewas the one who was determined to stop him. To break the Crown until there was nothing left. She wanted to do it from the inside, as a Shade. The both of us.” The words came so easy now, spilling out of me like a dam had burst inside my chest. The memories flowed out, crashing through the walls I’d built around me. Riven didn’t say anything, but he squeezed my hand so gently I thought I might cry.
“I don’t know if it was love or naïve righteousness, but we swore an oath—a promise. That we would work together and wouldn’t rest until the king was dead and the kingdom gone.” My throat tightened against the words I didn’t say. It was the only promise I had ever made, and I had broken it so quickly.
“Did you try to take down the king? Is that how she...” Riven didn’t finish his thought, but I understood his meaning all the same.
“No. We never got that chance,” I said in a heavy whisper. “Brenna was good. The best in our class after me, and better than many initiate classes before or since. But I... I was something different. I don’t know if there has ever been someone so... naturally skilled in each of the pillars as me. Then or in the history of the Order.” I sighed, leaning back in my chair and letting go of Riven’s hand. He placed his palm flat against the table and waited for me to continue.
“We didn’t realize how dangerous we were, being that talented. We didn’t realize how closely we were being watched... We trained all our lives to be the best. To be stronger, faster, and smarter than any enemy we came against but”—I took a deep breath, meeting Riven’s gaze—“we were just girls on an island. We didn’t understand the threat we posed. We never even tried to conceal the depth of our feelings for one another. All the instructors knew we were the best of friends; I suspect many of them guessed it was more than that...” I trailed off, staring at the flames in the hearth. I couldn’t feel their heat on my body. I rubbed my arms to keep from shivering.
I turned my head back to Riven, his black hair shining in the light of the fire as he stared at me. I took a deep breath, readying myself for the truth I hadn’t seen as a child. “Two skilled Shades can be a powerful weapon for the king, but only if he can be sure to wield them.” I stopped to touch the bumpy edges of her name. “We were called forward to the same Trials, which excited us. Brenna had been at the Order for just over fifteen years. She’d always expected to be called.”
“But not you?” Riven asked, his voice a hushed whisper.
I shook my head. “I hoped I would be when they announced them. But I’d already been training for twenty-five years. I’d seen nine Trials called and was never asked to any of them. Even as good as I was. But that year the mistresses decided that it was time for both of us.” I bit the inside of my cheek and crossed my legs, thinking of that day. How excited I had been. How naïve.
“Since my Trials had been so long-awaited,” I said, staring at the flames again, “the Crown was in attendance for all of them.”
Riven’s eyes were wide and his voice unsure. “The king was there?”
I nodded slowly, thinking back to that first Trial. “And Prince Damien too.”
“Is that when he cut you?” Riven’s hand balled into a fist on the table.
“Yes, after my last Trial,” I said, biting my lip. “He saw to it himself.”
A feral look flashed across Riven’s face before settling back into the calm mask he had worn before. Soothing and patient. Just what he knew I needed.
“They watched every Trial. Then I was called to my last, the Trial of Loyalty.” A cold shiver passed down my back at the words. Recognizing the symbol carved across it.
“No one knows what the Trials are until we take them,” I said. “We train for them, knowing that our skills must be perfected, but Shades are forbidden to speak of them, so initiates often only have anideaof what to expect.
“I don’t even know if the Trials are always the same or change from year to year. It’s all kept very secret.” I rubbed my head as I slumped against the chair. “I suppose I could learn now. As Blade, I’m allowed to know. But I’ve only attended one set of Trials since my own. And since then, I’ve refused to participate.” My throat burned at the thought of that year. The month I spent dousing my memories in wine and ale. I reached for the vial of elixir in my pocket out of habit, but it wasn’t there. It was still stashed away in my bag.
Riven cleared his throat, leaning on the tabletop until it creaked under him. “Did Brenna speak of hers? Is that why she—”
“Died?” I finished for him. He nodded, patting my hand. “No, she wasn’t executed for treason... She didn’t survive the Trials. The Arsenal tries to avoid it—they usually expel initiates they know won’t survive—but it still happens. The Trials are meant to test your limits. If you fail, you die. Brenna’s death was... unexpected.”
A darkness fell over Riven’s face, as if the light from the fire could no longer touch him. “I didn’t realize it was so severe,” he whispered, staring at the tabletop. His eyes cut back to me. “Doesn’t the king want as many Shades as possible?”
I scoffed. “No, he wants as manyobedientShades as possible. The competitive edge, the chance of failure and death... It’s all part of the design. Shades graduate feeling lucky to have been chosen, to have survived. The king uses that to his advantage.” I tried to swallow my disgust, but my mouth was too dry.
Part of me wanted to tell Riven all of it. Tell him exactly how Brenna had died. What Prince Damien had done to her. Done to me. But the words didn’t come. It had taken me thirty years to finally say her name out loud. It might very well take another thirty before I was ready to tell the rest of that sordid tale.
So I summarized it instead.
“It was Prince Damien,” I said, my voice breaking as I said his name. “He took a...likingto Brenna. He thought she’d bested him, before she came to the Order, and he never forgave her for it. He had a habit of reminding her”—I grimaced as the prince’s face flashed across my mind—“even with the protection of the Order. But that doesn’t mean much when the crown prince has an interest in an initiate.” Heat flooded through my skin. My heart pounded in my chest like Damien was sitting in front of me instead of Riven.
“Damien eventually caught on,” I said, folding my arms. “That we were more than peers or friends. He convinced the king that it was dangerous for any Shade to love something more than the Crown. That it tainted our abilities, made us unusable. The king realized that he would rather haveonetalented Shade he knew would obey, than two he couldn’t trust.” The words caught in my throat, and I wiped the tears from my eyes. Riven reached across the table and held my hand in his.
