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Her blue eyes only softened and she grabbed my hand. “Don’t hold onto guilt for playing games that Damien made you play.”
I lurched backward at the sound of Gwyn’s voice. It was raspy, from lack of use, but also from age. Her cadence had changed too, no longer a girl’s high pitch, but something darker. Something more mixed.
She kept speaking as if she hadn’t spent the last three months in silence. “I was so angry when we made it out of that palace. I was angry at myself for not fighting hard enough, for only taking an eye when I should have taken Damien’s life.” She plucked a handful of grass from the ground. “But I was angry at everything else too. It was all I could be. Every time I saw one of the children swinging from the vines instead of cleaning a chamber pot, the anger grew. Every time someone asked what I wanted to do, reminded me that here I had a choice, I just wanted to flip the table over and run. It all happened too quickly, too suddenly, like the years I had spent tethered to that place were insignificant. Like everything he had done to me didn’t matter. How could I let it? I survived. I was free, when so many are not.”
I swallowed and brushed her fingers in the tangle of plucked grass between us. “Those years mattered, Gwyn.”
She sniffled and her nose twitched. “I know that now, but it didn’t feel that way. It just felt wrong. And then Rheih told me that the slash he made had left me barren.” She ran a flat palm along herlower belly. “And that made me angrier. I had always known I didn’t want to bear a child. Not in the kingdom, not under that curse. But then when my dream finally came true, better than I ever could have imagined, Damien had taken that choice too.” She scowled at the ground.
My heart splintered for her. “I’m so sorry, Gwyn. I wish I would have known before I healed you.”
She shook her head. “You saved me. And I am very grateful.” She gave me a stern look that said she would not allow me to take any of that blame.
I nodded. “Did the rage ever end?”
“It lessened.” Gwyn leaned back on her hands. “Gerarda’s training helped. It gave me a place to channel it. To imagine that maybe I would get the chance to carve that blade of mine across Damien’s throat yet.”
Blood drained from my face. I never wanted Gwyn anywhere within Damien’s grasp again.
“But it didn’t end until I realized that rage was just another part of Damien’s game.”
My head snapped to the side. “What do you mean?”
“If I stay angry. If I staysilent. Then he wins.” Gwyn chuckled darkly. “He is thousands of leagues away, but I still plan out my every move at his whim. That’s what he wanted before he thought he’d killed me. And it would give him too much joy to know he controls me still.” She turned to me and looked back at the Myram. “That’s what he’s doing now, Keera. He set up his game and you all are still playing it as long as you let this break you. Damien wins if you can’t find a way to move past this.”
I scoffed. “You think I should forgive Riven out of spite?”
Gwyn shrugged. “There are worse reasons.”
“You sound like Gerarda.”
Gwyn grinned. “There are worse people to be.” Her smile fell and she nudged my boot with her own. “What exactly do you need to find the strength to forgive Riven for?”
My face fell. “Maerhal is dead.”
“Yes.” Gwyn nodded coldly. “As are many.”
“I cannot be angry over one death if I am not angry for them all?” I rolled my tongue over my teeth.
Gwyn shook her head. “You can be as angry as you like. But to me, I see little difference between what Riven did and what you have done.”
“I wore my mask as Blade because I had to.” My jaw clenched. “Because it wasright.”
“Didn’t Riven do what he thought was right?” Gwyn’s red brow arched. “You may not agree with his choices, but do you think he was acting only for himself?”
“No.” I picked grass from the lacing of my boot. Despite the words I had thrown at him, I knew Riven had weighed every choice he made. It was his choice of scale that stoked my rage. “Riven would never act only for himself.”
Gwyn gave me a knowing look. “There are many who would not have acted as Blade in the way you did. There are many who disagree with how you used your title, but your choices have always been in the interest of the Halflings. I think it is the same for Riven and I think it only benefits Damien to overlook that.”
My breath hitched as I realized Gwyn was right. All this squabbling and fighting was exactly what Damien wanted. And if I let it fracture us, then Damien won. There was a truth to that I could not ignore.
I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and sighed. “When did you get so wise?”
“I had to.” Gwyn squeezed me back before letting her arms fall beside her. “It was either that or die.”
CHAPTERFIFTY
THE MELANCHOLIC SINGINGfrom the grove kept me from sleep. I laid there until the moon was high in the cloudy skies before I decided to forgo sleep altogether. I rose and walked along the branches to one of the farther groves.
