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“Then you had better do something about it, hadn’t you. Because I’m telling you now for nothing, I’m not rolling you into the Thames after you’ve died. I like you too much to do anything but get you a proper funeral, even if it means being sentenced to thirty years in Broadmoor for murdering you with my incredible snogging technique.”
She went to scoff at that last bit. Only no sound came out when she tried.
And she knew why, too.
Because he was starting to convince her.
Somehow, he was starting to convince her,again. Even after all the ways it had been embarrassing to be so beside herself while he seemingly felt so little, even after that fuckingsandwich—it was still happening. In fact, it took her a full thirty seconds to refuse. “It was bad enough in the bathroom. There’s no way I can while you’re right there,” she said.
And even then, she could feel herself listening to him.
“I’ll get out of the car, then. Go for a walk in the car park,” he said, and still she hesitated. Before seeing sense and trying to shut him down.
“Yeah, and what are you going to say when people ask you what the fuck you’re doing? Well, officer, my fake girlfriend really needed a wank, so I politely offered to go for a stroll? Or worse—people out there notice it’s Alfie fucking Harding wandering around after a Beyoncé concert, and decide to mob, mug, or molest him. Or possibly all three. At the same time. Just because I was horny.”
“So I’ll look away. Like really away.”
“No amount of looking away is going to spare you this.”
“Yeah, but if it’s only me you’re worried about sparing there isn’t a problem.”
She shot a look at him for that. But even though she knew he could feel her eyes on him, he didn’t turn to face her. He kept on staring out the window in a way that pretty much confirmed that he was saying what she thought he was. That he was telling her he wanted to hear, and wanted to see.
Even though it was too wild for her to actually swallow.
It made her heart pound harder than it already was.
And all she could manage to gasp out was:
“You don’t mean that. Alfie, say you don’t mean that.”
But incredibly, he did not seem to want to oblige.
He actually let out a little snort of derision. Like she was being ridiculous.
“I want to. But you know how I feel about lying,” he said.
And now she found herself in the weird position of kind of needing him to.
“Well, couldn’t you try this once, for me.”
“All right. Yes, please protect me from the sights and sounds of a woman greedily doing herself three feet away from me. That seems abominable and would definitely not almost make me come in my pants like a fucking teenager.”
“Now you’re justtryingto make it sound unconvincing.”
“I’m really not. It’s just that fucking ridiculous.”
“Well, you didn’t seem that bothered last time I did myself.”
“Yeah, aside from frantically wanking, I was a picture of cool.”
This time she didn’t just shoot a look at him.
She about fell out of her seat.
Though to be fair, it was hard to stay in said seat when your brain was suddenly screaming at you.OH MY FUCKING GOD I TOLD YOU HE WAS INTO THIS, it bellowed. Even though it was a little fucking liar. It hadn’t said anything of the sort. In fact, all it had said since the whole thing had happened wasWell, lady, you really embarrassed yourself there. So as far as she wasconcerned, her brain could fuck right off while she figured out exactly what was going on here.
“So you actually did it. You jerked off,” she said.
