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“Good, because you shouldn’t be. NowI’mbloody squirming.”
“Yeah, I know. I can feel you doing it. Itislike being fucked by a ghost.”
It was, too. Every shake of the bed felt as if something was pounding away between her legs. Once or twice she actually found herself rocking back into it—which made his next words a) justified and b) absolutely correct. “Told you so. But you didn’t listen, did you, and now we’re gonna be the only people in history who manage to make each other come by lying side by side, in a bed for toddlers, humping nothing but this fucking four-hundred-quid duvet,” he said.
So what else could she do but agree?
“I’d argue, but to be honest I think I’m about thirty seconds away.”
“Same. Maybe less if you keep accidentally saying horny things to me.”
“Well, I won’t. I’m going to stop now. I have a handle on myself, okay.”
“No, you don’t. And I don’t, either. So you know what we’re gonna do?”
Fuck, she answered for him in her head. But thankfully, he did not listen to her apparently batshit brain on that one. He just grabbed some pillows and shoved them between their bodies. Like she’d wanted to at the start, like she’d told him to do, like they should have done immediately. Because when you really broke it down, it was the only sensible course of action. It was the right thing to do.
And if all she did was stare at the ceiling for an hour after he did it, sleepless and feeling strange and stressed, well. That didn’t mean anything. Everything was fine now. It was fine. She was safe from all the sex she definitely did not want.
Group Chat, April 8, 2022
connieisstillreadytofightyou
Hey baby mabie how was the concert? I’m going to guess by your absence from everywhere for the last god knows that you don’t know how the concert was but do have a detailed knowledge of the insides of Alfie’s pants. Yes, I am dying to know how good he is. No, I’m not going to press you.
berrylicious
No, she’s not going to press you. She’s just going to press me to press you until I go round the twist. Honestly Connie he’s good, okay? He’s clearly very good. Otherwise why would our little chatterbox be so suddenly quiet?
Now, I know a Rug-Making Conference isn’t quite as glamorous as dating a sexy beard who was in whole movies, but can someone please help me decide which outfit to wear in the event that I actually win this thing?
mabiebabie
Oh my god lovey, I completely forgot! Your National Award thingie is coming up! Forget my sex-drunk self, we must immediately find you the perfect clothes. Now, do you still have that gorgeous velvet thing? Because my vote is that. Oh, you’re going to be so perfect, and win, and I’m going to be screaming from our table like an absolutely bonkers stan. I even have a sign all designed to bring along.
berrylicious
I KNEW THAT WOULD GET HER TO APPEAR, QUICK CONNIE, YOU HOLD HER DOWN I SHALL EXTRACT ALL THE FILTHY DETAILS!!!
Twenty-ThreeIt Would Star the Other Hemsworth Nobody Remembers
She knew things were very much not safe the second she woke up.
But she pretended, for a little while, that they were. She lay there with her eyes closed, trying to make everything all just a really lucid dream she had somehow started having. And it worked for about a minute or so. It really felt like this was not reality. Her leg wasn’t truly jammed between his legs. She hadn’t shoved her face into the crook of his neck, so deep that she was practically eating his expensive scent for breakfast. And she didn’t have a hand underneath his jersey at the back.
No no no, none of that was happening.
Then she made the mistake of trying to move, just a little bit.
She shifted her hips in a way that seemed like almost nothing.
Only it wasn’t nothing, it wasn’t at all, because the second she did she made accidental contact with whatever was between her legs. His thigh, she suspected it was, but couldn’t say for sure. Mainly because she was too busy trying not to gasp over the wave of intense pleasure that simply rolled all the way through her body.
And what was she supposed to tell herself then?
This was definitely a real thing.
There was no way around it.
