AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She didn’t know. She didn’twantto know.
She just wanted to focus on the problem at hand.
“Alfie, calm the flip down. Obviously, it didn’t.Weknow that. But the problem is, the general public do not. In fact, the general public tend to think—much as they do with any lusted-after famous man who has a vaguely mysterious sex life—that any person within a ten-foot radius of you is getting the living daylights doinked out of them by your Duracell Bunny penis,” she said.
And it felt good when she did it.
Then she saw his eyebrows hit his hairline and realized.
Though of course it was too late to do anything about it now.
She just had to deal with the fact that she’d talked about his cock.
And that he was going to give her what for about it.
“Shitting hell, how do you evenknowsomeone once called my penis that?” he said in a voice so ripe with incredulity and indignation she couldn’t help feeling embarrassed.
Even though she hadn’t really looked into it that deeply.
Like with the diaries, she’d pretty much steered clear.
It was just that with this, you couldn’t really keep yourself clean.
“You say that like you don’t know it’s one of the few relationship details of yours that ever made it to the papers. And byrelationship detailsI of course mean a one-night stand that led to a kiss-and-tell which contained one particular funny thing about you being able to go for hours that totally caught on with your fans.”
“They barely chanted it, all right.”
“And I suppose no panel shows mentioned it repeatedly.”
“If they did I do not recall,” he said. But she could tell he already knew that wasn’t convincing. She saw his expression go from faux innocence to exasperation before it finally landed on what looked like weary acceptance as he conceded the point. “Probably because I worked hard to repress the memory of Jimmy Carr saying the wordson and on and onabout my cock.”
That honesty of his, she thought. It was a real killer.
Hell, it almost killed her, too. Because now she had to think about that very thing against her will. “We’ve all worked hard to repress that memory, Alfie,” she said finally, as Carr’s laugh rattled around in her head.
Though it at least seemed to galvanize him.
He clapped his hands together—like a really angry TV presenter trying to get a show back on track after it went badly awry. “Right, here’s what we’re going to do. From now on, I will only pick you up from that post office round the corner. And whenever we get to mine, we’ll drive round the back and you can slip in through the second kitchen door,” he said. And it made sense, it all made sense. She even wanted to say that it did. But somehow went with this instead:
“You have asecondkitchen door?”
Though oddly, it helped that she did.
It took everything further away from that thing he’d said about plaiting her hair.
And the thing she’d said about his nethers. And all the mess they were in.
Now they had a plan in place, and they could go right back to their bizarre banter.
“You’re saying that like you’ve not seen my house.” He snorted.
And she fired right back, without even thinking about it.
“In my defense, it was hard to notice anything but the lack of furniture.”
“Well, I’ve got some now so you can stop your complaining.”
She raised an eyebrow. “The TV came then, did it.”
