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Or at least calm enough that she could enjoy what he’d gotten her.
She sat down in the chair and organized her things all over the table.
And when he brought her the tea she put it in the cup holder.
All of which he looked dead pleased about.
“There,” he said, as he brought his mug to his lips. “Sorted.”
But it wasn’t. Because he then sat across from her on the bloody floor.
“You should have gotten yourself something, you daftie,” she said.
And got the kind of brush-off she expected in response.
“I’m fine like this. Nowt wrong with this here step.”
“Apart from the fact that it will aggravate all the injuries you know I know about. Like the back problems and the repetitive strain to your hip flexors and those pins you had to have in your lower leg that still give you trouble but you won’t have removed because it’s not strictly necessary and you hate hospitals too much to—” she started to say. But he cut her off before she could finish. He held his hands up.
Like he couldn’t stand to hear another second.
“Yeah, all right, all right,” he said. “Christ, you make me sound like a complete broken-down old knacker. I guess just get the glue factory on the horn, have them come round to pick me up tomorrow, eh? I’ll be sticking your little arts and crafts projects together by the end of the month, no problem.”
She wasn’t sorry, however.
Because he was being a plonker.
“You could still run rings around just about anyone in the country, and you know it. That’s not the point. Me sitting up here like lady muck while you gradually erode the bones of your arse is. Now at least have some cushions,” she said, then tossed him the assorted ones he’d arranged on her chair.
And he took them, too.
Grudgingly, but he did it.
So now there was just one thing left to do:
Talk about how the fuck they were going resolve this mess.
A fact that they both realized to their great dismay.
“Fuck,” he said. “You still want me to come up with a solution, don’t you.”
And what exactly was she supposed to say to that?
Nah, it’s fine, I’m sure it’ll all go away on its own?
She couldn’t.
She’d already glimpsed the latest photos circulating on social media.
There was absolutely no way out of this but through.
“I was kind of hoping that would be the case, yeah.”
“Well, the good news is, I’ve got one.”
“Great. Fabulous. Let’s have it, then.”
“Even though you’re not gonna like it.”
