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But she couldn’t say it out loud, so he just carried on.
He crouched in front of her. Andgave herhis fuckinghandkerchief.
“Come on now,” he said. “Things aren’t that bad.”
But the point was: they were. And he knew it. He felt it, too—that longing for more than whatever this was. For more than relationships that turned out terribly and loneliness that ate you alive, and always, always settling for something less. So why, she thought, shouldn’t they at least have this? Some low-stakes and sort of silly version of what they would probably never actually have?
At the very least, she’d get almost all the fun of it, with absolutely none of the risk. Some glamour, some sense of what it would be like to be wooed and loved just like in the movies, with that safety at the end that Sandy and Julia and Reese always enjoyed. And even if it wasn’t the rom-com fantasy she was currently imagining, he was right. This would get them out of the situation with a minimum of fuss. Her professional reputation would remain intact; his secrets would stay kept.
It’ll be fine, she told herself. Then somehow, she was just saying it. She told him: “I suppose it wouldn’t be so hard to pretend that we’re a couple.” And in that moment, with him suddenly looking at her with such pleasure all over his face, she truly believed that this would be the case.
Juicy BitsYouTube Transcript, March 28, 2022
Hey guys, so today we’re going to have to get into what we are now all officially referring to as the butt incident. And it’s a long one, so I thought I’d try out the new ColourPop palette as we chat, give you guys a bit of a feeling for these pastels which are TO DIE FOR. So you can either grab yourself a latte, snuggle down into your fave oversized hoodie, and vegetate through this gossip moment, or you can, I dunno, get ready with me while we dish?
Your choice completely. You do you, boos.
So I’m just going to start by priming the eyes with a little bit of—you guessed it—some Tarte Shape Tape. I mean, what else would I use? And while I do that, let’s just go over the timeline we have and what we know so far.
Okay, so everybody’s favorite surly bearded bastard, Alfie Harding, appeared to have given up on dating altogether. Then suddenly he’s seen with what can only be described as a mystery lady. I know, I know, I sound like theDaily Fail. But there’s no other way to describe her, she comes out of nowhere, she’s already in the inner sanctum of his actual freaking house somehow, and oh, guess what?
She’s not a skinny supermodel.
And so obviously all the WAG wannabes and his stans and the gossip channels are going nuts trying to figure this gal out. Which I was, too, because I mean. She can’t possibly be one of us, right? I’m not even getting into it, because I know if I start celebrating the victory that’s when it’s all going to turn out to be a Jehovah’s Witness again.
Ha, you guys remember that?
Anyway, but then. Then, my babies.
Omg.
He gropes. Her butt.
And so of course it’s time to call it. The fat and fabulous girls have bagged one!
Maximmagazine, February 2010
ALFIE HARDING’S TOP FIVE ALL-TIME BRUISING MOVIES
Bloodsport
Can’t remember the plot for the life of me but loads of bones get shattered so it must be up there.
Rocky
I hate the romance obviously but the fights are good.
