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And god, it was making her go funny.
Now her eyes had gone all wide, she knew they had.
They felt like a set of saucers someone had stuffed into her head.
And that would have been bad, probably. Only he was looking at her like that right back. She could actually see the white all the way around his eyes. If he’d been anyone else in the world, she would have said he was terrified. But he wasn’t, he was Alfie Harding, and Alfie Harding wasn’t afraid of anything.
So probably it was just disgust.
Or maybe horror.
Yeah, she thought.
He was horrified by how she felt.
And that was why he ripped away and went, without even saying good night.
Makeup Babe Golden GlamYouTube Transcript, April 4, 2022
Okay, so we’re going to be looking at the long-awaited Golden Glam palette from Natasha Denona. And I thought we’d do something a little different today, because if you’ve been following the wholebutt-groping, headbutting, big, beautiful babe on Alfie Harding’s armdrama, you may be interested to know that this is the exact palette that his new gal used to achieve that dynamite look at The Winter Garden the other night.
Honestly, I have no idea why he couldn’t muster up any enthusiasm for that kiss everybody is talking about when her eyelids looked like that. Maybe he hates warm bronze tones, I don’t know. Possibly the whole thing is phony, I have no idea. As you know, I stay out of the gossiping and sniping on social media.
This is a no-sniping zone, folks!
But I do think that she looked banging regardless, and probably deserves better than that hairy asshole, and so we’re going to go ahead and start out with a little primer and then we’re going to dip into Sultry Nights, this pale beige in the top left.
NineteenThe View from That House’s Window Must Be Spectacular
Mabel didn’t want to think that he’d found her that repulsive.
But it was hard not to when everybody else in the world seemed to think so, too. There were whole articles and posts and TikToks with titles likeDisgusted Man Gives Woman Awkward PeckandSomebody Help a Kiss Has Given Me Lethal Levels Of Secondhand Embarrassment. The two factions in her Twitter mentions were torn between the idea that he was only doing this for publicity in order to get a role in some prestige TV show, and a theory that the pictures were sabotage to prove nobody could ever love a fat woman.
So really, what was she supposed to think?
There weren’t very many options.
He had done it and found it horrible.
And now they were in even deeper shit than they’d been before.
Which probably explained why her doorbell was suddenly ringing over and over and over like somebody was just wailing on it—and she knew the someone was Alfie. She knew he’d just been sitting in his car, stewing away about this nonsense, and when she’d taken too long—because of course she had to take this long, now that she needed to look like a glamour model every time she so much as set a toe out of her door—he’d blatantly decided to come to her.
And sure enough, there he was on her doorstep. Surrounded on all sides by what now looked like people with banners saying they supported true love.
Holding what looked like aprintoutofweb pagesin his fist.
“Oh good god, how do you have a printout of web pages?” she asked the second they were safely inside and away from prying eyes. Though she sort of wished she still had those prying eyes, now that he was in front of her. They would have made sure that she didn’t have to get into any of this, ever.
With what looked like the most furious man ever to live.
Seriously, she’d never seen him look so incensed.
And she’d once pepper sprayed him in the face.
“Don’t act like it’s weird, Mabel. Daisy wouldn’t stop yammering at me down the phone about it, so I made her do me copies of all this bullshit and then fax them to me. The way that normal people do all the time,” he said because he was ridiculous, oh god, he was the most ridiculous man she’d ever met.
“Yeah. If by normal people you mean being from 1985.”
