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And sure enough, here it was: “Not even if I like it when you do,” he said.
Because apparently, he’d progressed from little shit to full-blown bastard.
“You don’t like it. You’re just mocking me.”
“What would make you think I was mocking you?”
“Your entire face right now, you annoying arse.”
“My face isn’t doing anything right now.”
“You look like you’re trying not to laugh while really wanting me to know that you’re laughing at me,” she said, and could immediately tell she had him there. He had the decency to look a little sheepish about it. He scratched his beard, at least, and looked away. But then he looked back, and oh no, oh no.
His eyes were still gleaming.
Something worse was coming, she thought.
But could never have imagined how right she was about that.
“Well, yeah, all right, I am laughing a bit. But that doesn’t mean I’m not into what’s going on. That I’m feeling nothing. I want to be aboveboard and by the book; I’m not suddenly immune to hot kissing and really turned-on women. In fact, really turned-on women are kind of my kink. It’s why I can only get into porn that really convinces me she’s having a fucking whale of a time,” he said, and honestly she didn’t know where to begin:
With the fact that he’d said he was feeling it, too.
Or with that kink he’d just thrown in there, like a goddamn grenade.
Truly, it just about knocked her off her feet—never mind that sliding-sideways business. She had to steady herself on the banister beside her. And even after she’d calmed down, she didn’t really return to anything like normality. Because now that one concept was going round and round in her head.
“Yes, but did you have to tell me that?”
“I’m trying not to, but it just keeps coming out of me.”
“Well, put it back again before I absolutely lose my mind,” she insisted.
“There’s no need to lose it. I mean, there’s a simple solution to all this.”
“If there is I have to wonder why you didn’t tell me it five minutes ago.”
“Because it felt bad to. But now we’ve broken thewhat I masturbate toice, it doesn’t quite feel the same way. In fact, I honestly think you’re thinking the same thing but feel embarrassed about it. So I’m just gonna tell you—you should feel free to go right ahead and take care of yourself,” he said.
And looked pleased with himself about it, too.
Even though he definitely meant that she should masturbate.
He was 100 percent absolutely saying that she should masturbate.
Worse, in fact: he meant that she should masturbate while he was, at the very most, just a single wall away from her. Because he was supposed to come up to her flat now and pretend to be doing sex stuff. So how was this going to fucking work? “Alfie, there is absolutely no way I can do that. You’re going to be with me for the next however long it takes for you to screw someone.”
“So all night then. And maybe some of tomorrow, too.”
Fucking show-off, her brain yelled at him.
But all she could actually manage was putting her face in her hands.
“Oh mygod, you can’t possibly need all that time.”
“You’ve got that dossier on me, love. You know full well I do.”
“Yeah, but you could make an exception in this case.”
