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As the paramedics situated Mia and Zach, Ben came to me and gave me a hard kiss on my mouth. “I’ll fix this. Somehow, someday, I’ll fix this.”
I didn’t have time to question his odd words, I just nodded.
I was climbing inside the ambulance when I remembered. “What about Michael?”
Ben gave me the most regretful smile I’d ever seen. “She fulfilled her promise.”
Danny and I climbed into the back of the ambulance, trying to make ourselves as small as we could so as not to get in the way of the paramedic, which was a hard fit for Danny’s big frame.
The responder quickly connected her to the medical apparel, saying words I couldn’t understand but I knew weren’t good. As the driver rushed us to the hospital in the town over—Holy Water’s was too small for the care Zach and Mia needed—the beeping in the machine changed.
The guy jumped into action. “She’s having a cardiac arrest.”
“Do you have a defibrillator in here?” The paramedic nodded at Danny’s question. “Get it ready, I’ll perform the CPR.” He worked quickly on her clothes, getting her ready for the guy right before initiating the resuscitation maneuver.
I tried to control my sobbing. I didn’t want to disturb them. I went so far as to close my eyes and cover my ears with my hands. It was already too late for that, though. The high-pitched sound indicating the inactivity of her heart would be forever engraved in my mind.
When the ambulances parked, Mia and Zach were rushed inside. I welcomed the numbness that was enveloping me as I hugged a sobbing Izzie after Mia’s scare, who was taken to surgery as soon as she arrived. Aaron looked like a caged beast, pacing around the room as Danny sat in the corner praying.
The drive to the hospital was a nightmare. My heart was split in two, hurting for my little sister fighting for her life in the other car, hearing Zach’s weak words in ours.
As promised, Aaron had called hisfriend, Dr. Miller. We’d yet to talk to her. I dreaded that moment. I was terrified of what would come next. I despised myself for the pain I’d deliberately cause my family.
We were still waiting to hear about Mia and Zach when Dr. Miller showed up at the end of the corridor. Aaron and I stared at each other, a dooming understanding passing between us. We knew what needed to be done. It didn’t make it any easier, though.
I left Izzie with Danny and plodded down the hall, along with Aaron, already missing the numbness that was supposed to protect me.
For the first time in almost two decades, I knocked on the door and didn’t use my keys to come in. My stomach was in knots as I waited for them. I felt myself shaking, but I couldn’t blame the cold.
Jackson opened the door and gave me a smile I didn’t deserve. “Hey, son. Why didn’t you just walk in?” At my speechlessness, he turned wary. “Rosie!” He called, still staring at me with fear in his eyes.
Rosie ambled our way. “Honey! What a nice surprise. Why are you outside in the rain? Come in.”
I couldn’t move. I kept opening and closing my mouth. I couldn’t bring myself to lie to them.
Yet I can’t say the truth.
Rosie’s smile faded, and she grabbed Jackson’s arm for support before whispering, “Which one?”
It pained me that they already understood what I was there to say. I wanted to say something else, yet I vowed not to. By my own doing, I couldn’t.
“Zach,” I choked out. Rosie covered her mouth with her hand, and Jackson held her tight, his shoulders already shaking. “Mia’s in critical condition. But she might make it.” Each word felt like a stab, and their sobbing destroyed me.
I wasn’t ready for their pain as much as I wasn’t ready for Haley’s, who showed up behind them, already crying. “Is it true?” I faltered, then nodded and stepped inside.
If that wasn’t painful enough, I fished his dog tag and third of the compass from my pocket and handed them to her. “He wants you to have them.” Her wail almost brought me to my knees and took my breath away. I wanted to undo it all, to say that wasn’t true, but I couldn’t. So, I just hugged her close and let her soak my clothes.
Sofia and Gabe were playing in the TV room, and I couldn’t imagine how they’d break the news to him. He adored Zach, who was every bit Gabe’s father.
Rosie, Jackson, and Haley left the room to recompose before the kids could see us and get ready to go to the hospital for Mia. I wasn’t ready for that just yet.
Hugo came to us in distress, whimpering and ambling around us. Sensing our pain, and most likely feeling his own. I used to hear dogs were sensitive and could catch on to their surroundings and what was happening to their owners. I never truly believed that until I saw the food stealer so distressed.
I sat down on the floor, defeated, and the little shit weaseled his way between my bent legs and dropped his head on my chest. Having reached my limit, I finally lost the hold on my tears as I sought atonement clutching my furry friend.
I thought the pain would subside as the weeks went by. It was hard to deal with grief when everything around you seemed like a reminder of what you lost. Of what you could’ve lost.
Every time I met Haley and Gabe, my heart would crumble thinking about the love they couldn’t explore and the family they didn’t have time to create. Whenever I saw Rosie and Jackson, I held back my tears thinking about the son they lost and daughter who almost couldn’t make it—that always made me hug Teddy a little tighter.
