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Every moment I encountered Mia, I felt like Ben and I had lost not only one, but two of our best friends. She barely spoke, making a point to ignore us all. She locked herself in her bedroom, and the only ones who came close to getting a reaction out of her were the kids and Hugo. After days at the hospital, she was slowly recovering physically, but she wasn’t the same anymore, and I feared we’d never get our old Mia back.
I feared I’d never get my old Ben back.
Ever since that awful day, Ben seemed lost, defeated, even ashamed. He was still a loving father to our Teddy, and he treated me with love and devotion. But he was a shadow of his old self, and I didn’t know how to make him feel better. I didn’t even know if it was possible. Zach’s absence left a hole in our lives and hearts.
I felt a buzzing in my pocket and sighed in exasperation when I saw who was calling. I’d been dodging my mother’s call for too long, but I never felt ready to deal with her hurtful words, especially after everything my family had been through.
I couldn’t help thinking about the irony of the situation. I spent most of my life feeling like a nuisance instead of a daughter. All I learned was despise. Then, after so many years, there I was, having met a family that showered me and my baby with love and care. It was the first time I felt like a part of a family and not a disappointment. But when that finally happened, we were devastated by one of our biggest losses.
It was getting harder to deal with my mother’s toxicity after experiencing what it was like to be loved like a daughter, and to love like a mom.
“Hello, Mother.”
“Finally. I need to talk to you—”
“Why I feel great, thank you, Mother. And my kid, yourgrandkid, is wonderful. Thank you for asking.”
“There’s no need to be a bitch. Tell me about your baby if you wanna.”
“I can see you’re really interested.”
“I haven’t met her yet, Isabella! There’s no connection. What do you want from me?”
“Him. You haven’t methimyet. Whose fault is that?”
“Yours. I’m low on cash because you didn’t send me any, so excuse me if I can’t take frivolous trips to meet a child.”
“Mychild. Your only daughter’s child. If you couldn’t takea frivolous trip, there are other ways to meet him. You could’ve calledto know about him, you could’ve video called. I told you when he was born, and I’m still waiting for your response. You just don’t care. Because you’re too busy being selfish.”
“Selfish? Selfish? You have some nerve telling me that after ruining my life—”
“Ruining your life? For what?Being born? My God, you’re a character. My baby was born, one of my closest friends...passed.” Choking was inevitable. “And my best friend was in the hospital for days, fighting for her life, and you have the audacity to tell me I ruined your life, so I owe you money?”
“So what? Now I’m being punished because you finally have friends and they died on you? Gimme a break.”
I wanted to yell at her. I wanted to scream at the injustice of the situation. Not because I didn’t have a mother who loved me—I did, and her name was Rosie. I might be a terrible person for thinking that, but the injustice stung when I thought about a wonderful man who was gone way too young, before he could even live his love wide in the open, and this hateful and still alive woman who shouldn’t be allowed to have a daughter.
“That’s enough.” I was surprised at myself for being so collected. “I can’t take any more of your abuse, and I’ll be damned if I let you get close to my boy. I don’t need your hatred and your misplaced sense of wrongness. If your life is miserable, it’s by your own doing, not mine. So unless you wanna meet my baby and tell me how wonderful he is, unless you wanna be the mother you never were, unless you wanna meet my man and be happy for me for finding such a wonderful person to be mine, I don’t wanna hear from you. I’m not your ATM. I’m your daughter. If you’re incapable of treating me as such, you’re not welcome in my life.”
I disconnected the call, and instead of being flustered, I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. After so much pain and grief, having stood up for myself and my family made me feel less powerless. I was ready to take advantage of it.
I reached Teddy’s bedroom in time to hear Ben’s whispered words to our son. “There’s nothing going on right now. You won’t miss anything special if you sleep. Come on, buddy. We both know you want to, just give in. You’ll miss being able to sleep all the time when you grow up. And to be honest, man to man, you’re cockblocking me.”
I stifled my giggle. It was good to feel anything other than grief for a moment.
“I’ve been neglecting your momma, and I need to make it up to her. You’ll get that one day. You’re a good-looking kid, and I know I’m not biased when I say you’re smart and everyone will love you. Okay, maybe a little biased. But I know you’ll find a good girl for you. Or a good boy. Look at your old man here. I was a little shit my whole life—I don’t think I’m supposed to say ‘shit.’ But I was. And I still found two of the most amazing people to be my best friends, and a wonderful woman to call mine. If you’re lucky, you’ll get your own Mia and Zach.” My heart broke when his voice wavered. “And your very own Forest. Until that happens, you need to get a good and long night’s sleep, so you can grow strong and I can love your momma. Deal?”
Ben bounced until Teddy slept with his head over my man’s shoulder. He was getting bigger each day, and soon enough he wouldn’t need the bouncing anymore, but Ben never missed a chance to pick him up and hug him tight.
After he fell asleep, Ben carefully placed him in his crib and turned around to leave his room. He smiled at me in surprise, then pulled me into his arms.
“How long have you been here?”
“Long enough to hear you bargaining with your infant son so you can bang his mother.”
He chuckled in my ear, and I shivered in anticipation. “That wasn’t my finest moment. And yet it wasn’t my worst.” He sighed and whispered. “It wasn’t my worst.”
I held him tight as he placed his face in the crook of my neck, trying to comfort him. I didn’t wanna say it wasn’t his fault. I’d said it before, without any results. He didn’t need those words; he needed his friend back, and nothing I said could accomplish that. But maybe if he could put his pain out in the open, he could breathe a little easier.
