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“Yeah. Every few months, they throw a gay trivia.” At her confused expression, I explained. “I told you how they have nights for everyone and each group, right?” She nodded. “A few years ago, Mark Johson, our minister’s son, decided to start some trivia games. He’s a bit of a geek. People loved it. It’s fun.” I opened her fridge to get us some drinks. “I’ll take you next time.” I fully intended to. Just like I intended to ignore for now what it meant for me that I was making plans for our future. “I wanted you to myself tonight. It’s been a long time since I could hug you and stay quiet.”
I did just that. I pulled her into me and hugged her tight. I could feel her heartbeat on my chest, and I felt content. Yes, I was dying to feel her clothes-less body. After those days away, I was craving her like crazy. But at that moment, all I wanted was for us to embrace each other and just...be.
We stood in the middle of her kitchen for a few silent minutes, and I felt recharged. I kissed the top of her head and pulled her to the table.
“How was your trip? Anything good?” she asked right before biting into her burger.
I was still on a high from what happened the day before. “It was pretty uneventful until yesterday. Then we hit it big.” I told her what I could, leaving aside the cartel info, not wanting to freak her out.
“That’s huge.” She sounded impressed. I felt ten feet tall under her admiration.
“It kind of is. We’ve been investigating this for months. Although we still need to catch the guy behind the shipment and the suppliers. But it was good to have a victory after so many frustrations. That’s why we couldn’t come back yesterday. We spent hours working with Aaron on the legalities of the arrest.”
“Aaron?”
“Aaron Scott. He’s from the DEA. He was Mia and Danny’s mentor, and we work closely together now.” I finished my dinner while she was still eating hers. “What happened to you while I was away?” I cleaned my burger-induced-greasy fingers so I could tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, marveling at its softness.
“It wasn’t near as exciting as yours.” It was supposed to be a glip, but I noticed she tensed and went back to not looking at me.
“Izzie? Babe, is everything okay?” I couldn’t keep my worry out of my voice. Something was going on with her, and I needed to know what it was, so I could—fix it? Hold her hand? I had no idea what my role was.
That was my first real serious relationship. I wasn’t even ready to call it that. So many things were foreign to me. My first instinct should’ve been to run away a long time ago. I was not relationship material. But for whatever reason, I couldn’t stay away.
When her eyes started to brim with tears, my panic rose, although I made an effort to keep it at bay. I wanted to solve whatever it was, but a churning feeling in my gut alerted me that I could be the cause of her distress. It wouldn’t surprise me. It wasn’t like I had something good to offer besides havoc and a whole lot of trouble.
It still awed me that the Bryants still put up with me after so long and after everything they already did. No matter how many lives I lived, I could never repay them.
She shifted her body to face me fully. I grabbed her trembling hands, holding them between mine, and with a shaky voice she began. “I started to feel queasy a few days ago.”Is she sick? Does she need help with medical expenses?Maybe there was a way I could add her to my insurance. I cursed myself for not thinking about it before. “I thought I was just anxious...until I talked to Mr. Cross. He...enlightened me to what it could be.”
She closed her eyes as a few tears rolled down her pretty face. I inched closer to her, running my thumb over her cheek, not caring I might be getting burger scent all over it. “Hey, babe. It’s okay.” I pulled her chair closer, its feet scratching the floor, and brought her torso into my chest so I could hug her and trail my hands on her back. “Whatever it is, we can deal with it. You’re not alone.”
She inched back, and I held her hands. “Do you mean it?”
“Of course I do. What is it?”
She opened her mouth a couple of times, not a word coming out. She shook her head, preparing herself for her announcement, then looked straight into my eyes for the first time that night and said the words that truly wrecked me. “I’m pregnant.”
I wanted to say I didn’t drop her hands like they were on fire. But I couldn’t.
Like the coward I was, I even inched my body further away. And she noticed it. “Is this some kind of joke?” She cringed and shook her head, her tears raining down. “How could this happen? We were careful.”
“Not that first night, though.” Her voice wobbled.
The shower. “You said you were on the pill and I didn’t need to worry.” It shouldn’t have sounded like an accusation.
“I know, I wasn’t worried either. I don’t know what happened. Maybe I took it later than I should have that day. Maybe it just didn’t work; contraceptive methods aren’t integrally efficient. Either way, it happened.”
“I can’t believe this,” I muttered.
“I know it’s a lot to take in. Believe me. You can be as involved as you want...Although,” she took in a deep breath, “we have something great going on. I know it’s scary, but it can be a good thing—”
“We were having fun,” I snapped. I knew I was being a jerk; I just couldn’t control myself.I guess there’s no fighting against my poor genes.
“It was more than that, and you know it.” Her voice carried a bit of desperation that should have been enough to stop my assholiness. But I was way too far in my head to stop the train wreck I was becoming.
“I can’t be a father. I’m not...I can’t. We were having fun…this wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“I’m as shocked as you are. I didn’t plan this. But it happened.”
