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“Wanna talk about it?”
“Nah, it’s okay.” She dismissed me lightly, waving her right hand while her left arm was braced on the table. “It’s not a funny or cute story, it wouldn’t bring joy to the table. Thank you for asking, though.”
Sipping her beverage, she sighed. “I needed this. I’m starving.” She pointed to her food. “Do you mind if I eat while we talk?”
“Not at all.” She proceeded to shred her croissant instead of biting it. “But what are we talking about? I’m not sure what to expect.”
Her munching slowed as she processed my question. Carefully, she answered, “Us. Benny.” Shrugging one shoulder. “I think our talk is long overdue.”
“Benjamin talked to me about what happened the other day,” I blurted. She looked intently at me, not showing her emotions. “I’m thinking about giving him another chance.” I didn’t know why I admitted that. Maybe I needed to say it out loud to test the words. It could also be that I wasn’t completely sure she wasn’t a threat and wanted to stake my claim.
But when she smiled proudly and her shoulders lost a little of their rigidness, I felt good about my decision. Oddly enough, I felt like I had a new ally. Or an old one and I was just too jealous before to recognize it.
“I’m so sorry for—" she started saying at the same time I asked, “Do you like him?”
“What?”
“Do you like him? Do you...not like me?” I hated how high schooly I sounded.
“Why are you asking me that?” She sounded confused.
“Because I’ve always felt some kind of reservation from you. That day when I went to Benjamin’s place and saw you, it felt like you didn’t want me there.”
“Ididn’twant you there,” she said bluntly.
“Oh...” That was embarrassing.
“No, sorry, it’s not like that.” She looked frustrated as she took off her glasses and rubbed her thumb and index fingers over her closed eyes. “I’m sorry, I might not be exactly gifted at choosing words.”
“Why didn’t you want me there?” Unless she was about to admit her undying love for him, I couldn’t see any other reason.
Sighing, she looked down, her food forgotten for a while. Her fingers were fidgeting as she seemed to ponder her words. When she lifted her head and stared into my eyes, she seemed cautious yet purposeful.
“I’ll try to dissect this as best as I can without breaking Benny’s trust.” She started. “You asked me if I like him, if I don’t like you, and why I didn’t want you at Benny’s place the other day.” She took in a deep breath. “You’re different.
“I’ve known Benny for most of my life, since we were way too young for all the things we’ve lived. I never, and I meannever, saw him react the way he did since he met you.” She became pensive again. “He was always wild and fun to hang out with; that attracted women. They all wanted this side of him, the adventurous side. That was okay, because that’s all he was willing to give them anyway.
“But then you came along. And something shifted within him. I felt the pull you had on him. He was different with you, because you’re different for him.”
“So you were jealous.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I was worried. Because I knew you had the power to break him, just like you had the power to appreciate the wonderful man he is. The deeper one that goes beyond his savage demeanor. I didn’t know which one you’d be: the one to break him, or the one to love him. I was wary.”
That wasn’t what I was expecting. She wasn’t finished.
“As the days went by, I noticed how happy you made him. He was softer somehow. He wasn’t carrying the weight of the world anymore. I saw how good you were for him. That’s when I felt a different kind of fear.” She took another sip from her cup, but I doubted she tasted anything. She was lost in thought, and I didn’t want to disrupt her line of thinking. If I wanted to understand more about Benjamin, she was my better source.
“Benny’s upbringing wasn’t the easiest one,” she resumed carefully. “It’s not my story to tell, but I’ll say trusting and loving someone isn’t easy for him. I knew when he realized how strong his feelings were, he’d try to sabotage what you guys had. He’s one hell of a partner when you need someone to fight for you. But he’s a work in progress about acknowledging he deserves to be loved.”
I had so many questions, I didn’t even know where to start. Before I could come up with one, Mia continued.
“When I saw you two together, I wasn’t wary because I didn’t want you to be with him. I was cautious because I...I was...” Sighing in shame, her shoulders dropped, and her face scrunched in a grimace. “I was afraid he’d do something stupid. I feel terrible about it, because it seems like I was waiting for him to screw up.”
We stayed silent for a while, my then cold chocolate long forgotten. Mia looked nervous about the conversation, and I started to see her in a new light. We still had a lot to talk about, but that reprieve was necessary for both of us.
I noticed she started bouncing one of her legs and picking at her food again, shredding her croissant more to have something to do than eat it.
“The night before that...day, Benny started freaking out. I’m not sure what happened with you two, but he wasn’t in his right mind. He told me about the pregnancy, so I put two and two together. It wasn’t hard to realize he’d said something stupid to you. He ended up having a little too much to drink and couldn’t come home alone.” She still wouldn’t look at me. “So I picked him up. I just couldn’t leave him by himself. I didn’t think he’d be sick at the time, but I knew he wasn’t okay. He was scared, and I knew...I knew he’d try to push you away somehow. Although I hadn’t imagined he’d use me for that. Jerk.” After she mumbled the last part, she startled and faced me. “I mean, Team Benny.” She cheered poorly with her hands in the air, making me giggle.
