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"You were taken in and you want to blame me? Maybe you should have checked the facts," Malcolm said getting indignant and a little too loud.
Derrick was getting mad too but then he sighed and said. "At least I know the truth now, but it's no thanks to you."
"You know because Warren confessed, not because you trusted me," Malcolm told him. "You assumed the worst about me."
"I shouldn't have done that, but you didn't correct me. I should have heard the truth from you," Derrick said raising his voice.
"I didn't tell you that you were wrong because it hurts to be accused on someone else's say so." It even hurt to say it.
Derrick's expression softened. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have jumped straight to accusing you."
"At least it's clear to me how much you don't trust me," Malcolm said and left Derrick's office. He wanted to keep going, walk straight out of the building, but he stopped and just sat at his desk.
He expected to get a little peace, to be able to breathe for a minute, but no such luck. Following after him, Derrick stopped next to his desk to glower at him. "Malcolm, I do trust you," he claimed. "I just lost my head." Then he turned away to go back to his office and muttered under his breath, " I lose my head a lot around you."
Malcolm just stared after him, not sure what to think.
After that, they got really busy and things between them were purely professional. That should have been a relief, but Malcolm felt this constant pressure to make up with Derrick one minute and pick a fight with him the next.
A voice in Malcolm's head kept reminding him that Derrick didn't want to "stand in his way". That meant he didn't want to be with him. He probably wanted to go back to just being Malcolm's boss and nothing else.
When lunchtime came around, Malcolm was considering going out, not to eat, just to escape the tension at the office. He was about to text Candy to see if she wanted to go to lunch when Derrick came over to his desk. He just stood there for a minute then he told him, "Malcolm, I'd like to take you to lunch. I want a chance to show you that my apology is sincere."
Malcolm was so tempted. He felt like he had to clamp his mouth shut so he wouldn't blurt out a yes. Once he had that impulse under control, he told Derrick, "Sorry. I have work to finish up."
"I can easily take all the work off your plate if you want. Just say the word," Derrick said. When Malcolm narrowed his eyes at him, he backtracked. "That was not a demand. Only an offer."
Malcolm was on his guard, afraid of setting himself up for more disappointment. But he was torn between wanting Derrick and staying strong, distancing himself from him. The main thing that stopped him was the hurt he still felt at the accusations Derrick made. Malcolm couldn't take him up on his offer. "I would like to finish my work, that's why I'm here."
Having said that, he eyed Derrick for his reaction. He clearly wasn't happy with Malcolm's decision, but he accepted it with a nod. "I understand," he said and started to leave. But then he turned back. His eyes were earnest and also a little pained as he said, "Malcolm, I just want you to know that I value everything you do for me. I appreciate your dedication and hard work. I don't take you for granted. I really don't."
With that, Derrick left and Malcolm was hit with such strong regret that he didn't say yes. He shut his eyes and reminded himself why he did it. His feelings for Derrick were already too much for him. He couldn't afford to court disaster again.
He had to have a sense of self-preservation and some pride. He couldn't be won over without trust and respect. What Derrick said was nice. Malcolm believed that he truly regretted his false accusation, but Derrick didn't say he wanted anything personal from him. He only talked about Malcolm as an employee. Derrick didn't express any desire for him or any feelings for him. Those ideas were just in Malcolm's head and his heart, unfortunately.
He knew that he had to find a way to move on, to put this behind him, but he didn't know how.
Chapter 16
These days Malcolm made sure to escape the office during lunch. Candy was too busy to come with him today, but before leaving for his lunch break, Malcolm stopped by the conference room where she was organizing some documents for a meeting.
"Want me to bring you anything?" he asked her.
"Nah. I'm craving chips," she said. "I'll hit the vending machine later."
"OK. I'll probably just grab something I can walk around with," Malcolm told her.
"I don't know why you don't let your boss wine you and dine you, try to win you back," she teased him.
"How about because he hasn't asked except that one time?" Malcolm said. He didn't think Derrick wanted to win him over or anything like that, but even if he did, without trust, Malcolm couldn't be won over.
That's what he told himself, but it hurt to lose whatever he and Derrick had so briefly. His heart felt like it was breaking every time he thought back to Derrick in his bed and even the time they spent just being together with Paula.
Malcolm went out to spend his lunch break alone. Walking through Archstone Square, he was heading for the fountain while drinking some soup and munching on a bun. At lunchtime, the square was busy with people from nearby office buildings congregating there on their break.
Taking another sip of his soup, Malcolm saw Derrick ahead of him. Derrick saw him too and there was no way to avoid him now without being rude. As they approached each other, Derrick gave him a cautious smile.
"It's nice running into you," he said when they crossed paths by the fountain.
