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“I want to be given the honor to continue to walk alongside you for the rest of our lives. I used to think that I was given the choice to love you. But it’s not the case. I was given the choice to protect you, to show you that you mean more to me than anyone else. My heart doesn’t know any other way but to love you. When I asked you to marry me I asked you to build a life together from the ground up. We did that. But I wanna do it again. We’re building our lives together again because it was friggin’ fun as hell the first time around, and I can’t wait to do it again with you. Marry me? Again?” His smile is so bright, but his voice is slightly shaky, like he’s fighting back his own emotions.
My gaze has been solely fixed on his eyes that I didn’t even notice the round-cut, floating diamond eternity band that he has slid onto my ring finger. The same finger he’s placed a ring on two other times in our life: the first time when he proposed to me in this very same spot and the second time during our wedding. I’m full on crying, have been since he dropped to his knee, the ugly hiccup sort of sounds coming out of me, tears streaming down my face, and I have to keep sniffing up (completely unattractively, I might add) the snot trying to make its way out of my nose.
“Of course I’ll marry you all over again. Any day of the week,” I manage to squeak out.
“Man I love you. So damn much.”
“I love you, too. A whole lot.” I smile at him.
Suddenly he stands, bringing me with him. His large hands are cradled around my face, and his mouth is covering my own. His lips both soft and bruising at the same time. His hands travel down my sides until they’re settled on my waist. He circles his arms around my body and pulls me in close as he dips over us just slightly. My arms are wrapped around his neck, my back arched.
The passion I still feel for this man is overwhelming at times. I look at him and can’t fathom how I was blessed in the way I am. How was I given the opportunity to love and protect and cherish this human standing in front of me, holding me in his arms as if I’m the most precious of gifts? We stumbled and fell, and we’ll probably do it again, because that’s life. Life isn’t easy. It isn’t gentle or perfect. Sometimes life is full of beauty, and sometimes life is full of ugly. But that’s what makes it so much fun, stumbling and falling and brushing our dirty selves off and getting back up again to fight through it.
I feel us walking and shuffling through the fallen leaves, crunchy underneath our feet. Or his, rather, since he’s since picked me up, and my legs are wrapped around his waist. His strength has never failed, nor waned, over time. Our mouths are still connected, kissing each other in feverish movements, not willing to part even for a moment. Before we dated each other, I had kissed a few other boys, and he had kissed a few other girls, but our bodies… our bodies have only fully connected with one another’s.
We reach the pickup, and we both start laughing into each other’s mouths as Barrett tries to get the tailgate down. After a bit of bumbling, neither of us admitting it’s because we’re a few decades older than when we first did this, he manages to get it unlatched and lays the gate down before turning and placing me on it. The moment my butt hits the frosty cold tailgate I yelp and jump at the contact.
“Maybe this flashback portion of my first proposal will have to be put on the side burner until it’s warmer out,” he says, eyes twinkling and a beautiful broad smile stretched across his face.
I’m sitting on the lowered tailgate, my butt an icicle, and the tears start once again. From start to finish, he’s managed to recreate the moment when he asked me to take his name. His words were different, but the actions were the same. He asked me once to give him my entire heart for the rest of my life, but what he didn’t realize then and still doesn’t realize is that it was never mine to give. I never had my heart in the first place — he had it the moment it first beat, and every thump, every skip, it’s all been for him.
“I love you. A whole lot doesn’t even cover it.”
“I love you, too, my beautiful emotional girl,” he says, wiping away the tears again, and places a firm kiss to my lips. “Let’s get you home. I’m sure Grady is back to the house from his date by now, and I know the kids are dying to know how this all played out.”
After climbing back into the pickup, me sliding over right next to him again, this time without him asking, he drives us home. A home we’ve built together, just like he asked and promised so many years ago. We’re barely through the door when we’re assaulted by not three, but all four of our kids. Cole couldn’t stand being away, knowing what was happening between his parents and Grady tonight. Harper, of course, loves having him home and shows us where he signed her cast right away.
We spend the next half hour telling the kids and James the entire story, the boys in the house all giving Barrett grief at appropriate times for being corny. Maggie, being Mags, gets a little emotional as well as sighing with happiness. Harper is her typical oblivious self, completely unaware of most everything happening around her. Grady tells us about his date, how the restaurant was killer and Bri looked so gorgeous, and it wasn’t awkward at all, even when she fumbled and spilled Cherry Coke all over the table from her nervousness. He is one smitten kitten and finally able to show it.
Our family is happy. Our family is healthy. Our family is together, and tonight we are able to remind ourselves that we did that. We built our lives together, and the bumps and detours along the way that took our time and stole our focus only brought us closer together.
* * *
We’ve been home for a few weeks now, and things are basically back to normal. The normal, being, before the four-month dark place we ventured into. Our focus is back on one another while making sure our family is steadily chugging along. As Lauren put it,“Stella got her groove back.”It’s been fun making time for each other once again.
Grady’s and Maggie’s seasons are complete, Grady’s team taking home second at State. He, of course, would have preferred to win at State for his final year playing for the team that helped mold him into the person he is today, but he’s happy, nonetheless. College scouts are still calling and knocking on our door, giving him options and lots to think about.
Two nights ago, Harper came into our room. It was a day that had exhausted both of us and it would have been easy to let her have her way, but we stood firm and Barrett carried her back to her room. It seemed to be taking a little longer than it should have, so I crept across the hall to see what was taking so long. My steps faltered when I heard the low timber of Barrett’s voice softly singing “You Are My Sunshine” to Harper as she, no doubt, laid her head on his lap while he played with her hair. When he finished the song, I heard her ask for him to pray then sing it one more time, and his quiet response of “Sure, baby girl, then it’s time to go to sleep, alright?”… well, it was all enough to completely melt my heart. When he came back into our bedroom, I jumped him. Hearing him softly singing her favorite song to our baby girl, giving her the time she needed to relax once more in her own bed, hit me everywhere.
I met Keri a few days after we got home from the cabin. I surprised Barrett with lunch from his favorite deli in town and made sure to introduce myself to her, bringing her a small (much belated) welcome gift. I also made it a point to apologize for not meeting her sooner, and she assured me it was totally fine, that she felt she knew me already because of how much Barrett spoke of me. We have since had lunch one time and plan to again. She’s soft spoken, but when it comes to the guys in the shop, she’s hard core. She’s relentless with making sure they’re where they’re supposed to be, filling out the right paperwork. I can see how her office managerial skills are a blessing to the guys and, after pulling up my big girl panties, getting over myself, and hauling my ass into the office, I feel nothing but contentment over her being there.
It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and James has yet to leave our place. He’s taken over Cole’s room and isn’t showing signs of heading home any time soon. Not that it bothers me, but it has both Barrett and me curious. Cole and Mia are due to arrive any minute. James and I have been cooking most of the day, prepping all the food for tomorrow. My parents are coming over. Dean, my oldest brother, and his wife Meredith along with their kids, alternate every year between the families. This year is her side of the family, so they won’t be joining us.
Not that we’ll be lacking for people. Between James and Lily, our family, Bri and Christine joining us this year as well as Mia and Brandon, we’ll have a house full. When I told James that Bri and Christine will be joining us, his reaction was one I wanted to dig into at a rapid pace, but Barrett pulled me back and told me to let it go. Right. Because that’s my MO. Andy and the boys have been staying at Josh and Lauren’s and will be joining us tomorrow as well. The house will be full, and I’ll love every single minute of it.
Years ago, Barrett gave me the best gift he could have ever given me. His heart. When he took me to the cabin, he gave it to me all over again. And I’ll never take a beat of it for granted.
Epilogue
James - Day Before Thanksgiving
We’re all standing in the kitchen of Tess and Barrett’s house, the delicious smells circling around us like a wonderful, food-coma hug. A college football game is playing on the TV in the living room, but the food and snacks are keeping everyone centered in the kitchen. Tess and I have cooked Thanksgiving dinner together for years now. It’s become a tradition, and I won’t have it any other way. Today we’re working on the dressing, pies, and getting the rest of the sides prepared. The turkey is sitting in its brine in the fridge.
I hear Cole and Mia walk into the house from the garage. They’re holding hands, and both have enormous smiles on their faces, although Mia’s is a bit more timid and shy.
“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” Barrett teases.
Mia’s face goes beet red, and she looks down at the ground beneath her. She’s been around this family her entire life, but now she’s showing signs of shyness. I get that. I also see why Cole suddenly fell hard for her. He likes adorable. He likes shy. He’s had the assertive girl, and it burned him. Mia complements him well. He’s always a bit too confident, but she grounds him, it seems. At least that’s what I get from the phone conversations I’ve had with him recently.
