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It’s not the sleeping with someone I loved... It’s him. It’s having Brandon beside me. He looked peaceful when I left him in the quiet house.
Peace... I think I’ve fought my demons back for so many years just for a chance at peace, and it seems like all I needed to do to get it was open myself up to this man. If I’m honest, I never stopped wanting him. He’s the only man I think I ever truly wanted for myself.
Life may have gotten in the way, but I guess it really does have a way of working itself out.
Is that something else I have Nina to thank for? It’s hard not to think of her when I think about meeting and losing him. She definitely had a hand in both.
Maybe somehow, she’s had a part in me finding him again too.
Leaves crunch behind me, and I close my journal and quickly glance over my shoulder, relaxing when I see Brandon behind me, smiling.
“Mornin’, baby.” He pulls me to my feet, then steals my seat and tugs me down next to him.
“Good morning,” I murmur against his lips and wrap my arm across his chest, tucking us both in under the blanket.
“You didn’t wake me up...” His nose runs up the side of my neck, and I shiver and snake my palms underneath his soft tee, resting them against his warm washboard abs.
“I wanted to let you sleep. What time do you have to leave today?” I ask and lay my head against his chest, enjoying the strong, steady beat of his heart under my cheek.
Brandon presses his lips to the top of my head. “Gotta be at the airport by one. It’s the first time I can remember when I wasn’t looking forward to football. I don’t want to leave you.”
“We’ll be fine. Sam has the place locked up tight, and believe it or not, I do know better than to open the door for strangers,” I tease. “You can’t be here all the time.”
“What if I want to be?” he asks softly and tightens his hold around me, sparking a frisson of awareness between us.
Butterflies take flight in my stomach at the certainty in his words, even if he’s gentling them for me. “Don’t you feel like we’re doing this whole thing backward?”
“No.” His answer is immediate, leaving no room for doubt. Those big hands wrap around my neck and anchor in my hair, massaging the base of my skull. “What’s backward?”
I keep my voice light. “We’ve never even been on a date, big guy.”
“Do you need me to take you to dinner to feel better about us, Ashlyn?” he challenges. “Because I’ll take you anywhere you want to go, if it’ll make you happy.”
“Don’t make fun of me.” I scrape my nail over his nipple and enjoy his harsh intake of breath as it pebbles under my touch.
He tugs my head back and lowers his mouth to mine, drinking from my lips. “I wasn’t making fun of you. I’d never make fun of you. I’m just not sure what you’re asking me.”
I choose my next words carefully and whisper them quietly, afraid of the power they hold. “I wasn’t expecting to need you. Not yet. Not so quickly. And maybe not ever. It’s been a long time since I allowed myself to need anyone for anything. I spent my life relying on other people for everything because I was never given a choice. But that’s not me anymore. It’s not who I’ve been or who I want to be. I promised myself the day Madeline was born it would never be me again.”
I run my teeth over my lip and push down the fear warring with something else.
Something stronger.
Something far scarier.
Something that could fracture me to the depths of my soul.
“I think that scares me because Ineedyou. I’ve never done this. I’ve never brought a man around my daughter.My family. Into my life and hers. Theirs. I’m giving you the power to break me andno one... not a single soul has had that power in a long time. I wasn’t sure I’d ever let anyone ever have that power again. But you do. And I think what scares me most is you’re here, in my house and my life, because of a threat. You’re not here because we dated and fell in love. We didn’t do the whole getting-to-know-you thing. We skipped those steps because our history is messy. You’re here because you wanted to keep us safe.”
He moves to interrupt me, and I silence him with a gentle finger over his lips. “Just let me say this, okay? You’re a good man. Probably the best I’ve ever known. But Brandon... you’re a protector on a molecular level. It’s written into your DNA. And I’m scared that when this threat—whoever he is—is gone, you will be too.”
My shoulders slump a little once I’ve said my peace, and I lock into the hard glint in Brandon’s eyes. “You about done, baby?” His voice is cool and detached.
I nod with the tiniest movement, scared I just destroyed whatever this is before it ever had a chance to grow but knowing it had to be said.
“You aren’t getting rid of me that easily, Ashlyn.” His grip on me tightens. “You’re right. Protecting my family is part of my DNA. It always will be. But what you’re not seeing is that includes you and Lindy.Jesus, woman. How do you not know that? You and shortcake, you’re mine, whether you know it or not. Now, you can sit here and tell me I’m wrong. You can try to fight it, but I don’t think you will because, baby, I’m pretty sure you feel this too. I think you felt it then, and I fucking know you feel it now.”
“We have history.” He presses his forehead to mine and breathes me in. “And fuck yes, it’s messy. But baby, you and me, we’re meant to be. Twin flames. One day you’re going to share your pain with me. You’re going to let me help you carry it. I’m willing to wait because I know you’ll tell me when you’re ready. And I know better than anyone how difficult that is. We’re survivors, Ashlyn, and I think we both know how to fight for what we want. For what matters. You matter. I’ll do whatever I have to, to protect you.” His lips feather over mine. “To earn you.” He deepens the kiss, and I nearly forget everything we’ve both just said and let go. “To keep you...Forever.”
