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If anyone ever asks when things changed for me, it was that last whispered word.Forever.
“Brandon...” My chest tightens as I think back to that time in my life. To the Olympics and the weeks and months that followed. “I owe you an explanation.”
He cups my cheeks, giving me his strength but not saying a word.
No doubt realizing how close I am to shutting down.
But I keep going, knowing it’s now or never.
Closing my eyes, I go back to that night. The smell of the rink. The roar of the crowd. The eerie feeling that washed over me after Nina fell but didn’t get up. The four minutes and thirty seconds I spent skating the best routine of my life. I remember the weight of the medal as it was placed around my neck and the way it was crushing me because I knew Coach wasn’t going to be happy.
Nina was supposed to get gold.
If she didn’t, I should have.
We would both have been punished for letting him down, but she humiliated him.
He would never forgive that.
“I knew as soon as Nina skated off the ice, life was never going to be the same, but I had no idea what that meant. You’ve got to understand... Coach Ron broke us by whatever means necessary. Physically and mentally.”
Brandon sucks in a breath. “He hit you?”
“Oh, big guy. He was a master of abuse. It took many forms. He was a classic master manipulator. And a narcissist, so you can be sure he lost his mind after Nina’s long skate at the Olympics. Then I didn’t win gold, and it was bad. He and Nina... they got into a huge fight when we got back to our room, and she threatened to expose him to the whole community. Skating is like every other sport. Once you get to a certain level, everyone knows the players, and he was a top tier player. But he’d never had an athlete win gold. Never. And that killed him. If she exposed him... exposed the abuse, he’d never work another day in the international figure skating world. Ever.”
I pull my knees up to my chest and stare out at the lake, remembering the sound of her voice the day before. “She’d threatened to burn it to the ground. Everything. She’d screamed that at him, and he grabbed her by her throat and threw her up against the wall. I remember the way her eyes had bulged, and her nails clawed at his grip on her throat. I was frozen until she got quiet and the look in her eyes dulled. Something snapped into place, and I threw myself at his back and raked my nails down his face.”
“Baby...” His hold on me tightens, but I don’t look at him.
Not yet.
Not if I want to get through this.
“When he left that night, Nina and I locked the door behind him, moved the dresser in front of it, and laid in bed together all night, crying. Sobbing for everything we lost. Everything we never had. Our childhoods. Ourselves. Our families. Mine sold me, and hers was a monster. When I woke up the next morning, she was gone. I never saw her again. The police told us hours later that she drove off a cliff about an hour from the Olympic village. She rented a car. She didn’t pack a bag. She didn’t bring anything with her, and she drove off a fucking mountain because dying was better than living under his thumb.”
I push myself up from the chair and take a few steps before I turn around and look at Brandon. His muscles are strung visibly tight with the control it’s taking him not to move. He’s watching me, weighing his next move, when I put my hand up to stop him.
“She left a me a note.” The tears stream down my face, their salt coating my lips. “I found it the next day, hidden between my leggings in my suitcase. She told me this was the only way out for her. For us. She told me to run before he killed me too.”
I get lost in the memory and don’t even realize Brandon’s gotten up until I’m wrapped in his arms. “No one will ever hurt you again, Ashlyn. I promise you. Never again.”
I look up at him, hating what I need to tell him now.
But I’ve already come this far.
No turning back.
“There was a press conference I had to attend that afternoon. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but for the sake of my career, I knew I had to be there. And let’s face it, I needed my career. It was the only thing I’d ever done. The only skill I’d ever had. Ron cornered me in a small conference room after the press conference, and I told him I was done. I’m not sure why I did it. I should have kept my mouth shut. He backhanded my face so hard, he cracked my cheekbone. He told me I’d never be able to leave him. He’d lost Nina, and he wasn’t going to lose me too.” I swallow, knowing this next part is going to be the worst, and whisper, “Then he threatened you.”
“What?” he roars.
“He told me he knew about you. Knew who you were and that you were hoping to get drafted. He told me he had connections back home and could destroy any chance you had before you ever got it. He told me no little whore was worth losing it all over, and I slapped him. I shouldn’t have. I know that now. I knew it as soon as I did it. But I didn’t think. I reacted, and it was such a dumb thing to do. The next thing I knew, I was on the floor being kicked repeatedly until someone pulled him off me and got me out of there. It was John Kingston.”
“Ashlyn... Baby, I...” He gently lifts my face to his, and his eyes are wild. Feral. They’re everywhere, like he needs to see I’m okay. That I’m here and I’m real.
“He rushed me out of the hotel into a limo and got me private medical attention. King Corp. had been one of my sponsors. Nina and I both. I guess because we were local girls.” I close my eyes not wanting to see his face when I admit, “He offered to deal with Ron. To take care of everything for me. I practically fell at his feet, I was so thankful. Then he told me we’d get married before we left Paris, then do it again in the states. He said no one would ever be able to touch me again, once I was his wife.”
My body shakes as I remember the fear. The adrenaline. “I was so tired, Brandon. Emotionally exhausted, physically broken, and permanently scarred. Scared for my life. Put yourself in my shoes. Nina had just killed herself so her father couldn’t do it to her. He’d just broken me. Threatened you. I was so young and so damn naive. And so, I said yes.”
