Page 196 of My Anti-Hero


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The sex was going to happen.

“What’d Will say to you before he left?”

Oh. The tingle went flat. The sex wasn’t going to happen. I misread that look.

I lost the tingle for another reason too, which I was nervous to bring up, but since Brett had asked… “He told me that Harmony is pregnant again.”

His eyebrows shot up. He’d not been expecting that. “Really?”

I nodded, my throat swelling up because of the other part I wanted to bring up to him.

Seeing it, because he was Brett and I was Billie and we were each other’s person, he asked, gently, “What is it?”

Okay.

My pulse skipped a few beats, but brave face. I could do this. I blurted out, “So, I know we’re not married.”

His eyebrows went flat.

“We’ve not talked about making anything official, I realize—”

His eyebrows started to fold down.

“—but we’re living together and it’s been three years and now we have Keanu together, and Nellie Bly is really more your chicken than she is mine or Vicky’s, so we kinda have two pets together now. Which are like our children, so it’s like we have children together and…” I was so nervous. My palms were slick with sweat. I began toying with the end of Brett’s shirt, which was super big on me, which made me love it even more. “And—well—”

His eyebrows were pinched together and that wasn’t a good face.

I stopped talking. If just the mention of our pets as kids were making him look like that, I couldn’t go through with it.

“Billie,” he rasped.

“What?”

“What were you going to say?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing.” I needed a moment to collect myself. I’d been wanting to bring it up, but I couldn’t. Not if it meant there was a possibility Brett wouldn’t be okay with it. I couldn’t lose him, ever. Hugging myself, I stopped keeping track of Brett until he was right in front of me.

He bent, put his head against my side, and lifted me up as he stood.

I grabbed onto him from instinct, though he’d done this so many other times, I didn’t squawk like I normally would. “What are you doing?”

With me hanging over his shoulder, he turned the lights off in each room as he went back upstairs, then into our room, and he tossed me down on the bed, but he came with me. Which I always loved, and we’d negotiated the throwing me over his shoulder stuff. My policy was that I was okay with it, as long as he put me down in this manner. Always on the bed and he always came with me, and there were addendums added if sex followed right after.

I was hoping for that addendum to happen tonight.

It wasn’t happening this time because Brett propped himself on top of me and raised himself to look down at me. “What were you going to say?”

I slid a hand around his neck and tried to pull him down to me. “Nothing. Come here—”

He resisted. “Billie.”

I sighed, my hand falling back to the bed and I let it thump with a bounce because I was trying to distract him here.

He ignored it, only raising an eyebrow at me.

The nerves came back to me, fluttering in a tizzy all around inside me. They were worked up. “I—” Tears formed at the corners of my eyes. Did I really want to say this? Once I said it, it would either happen or it would definitely not happen and I wasn’t sure which would break my heart.

“Billie,” he said again, softer. He moved my legs apart, settling between them, but he only held himself there. “We’ve been through literal hell and back. You can tell me. There’s no secrets between us.”

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