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I also didn’t decide to “finger bang” her as she so eloquently put it.I swear my brain glitched out whenever I was near her, because I’d never had so little control over my body and my choices as I had with this woman in the last two days.
And I sure as shit didn’t ever want her to feel discarded.Fuck that.Sadie deserved to be treated like a goddamn queen.She deserved a man who could proudly walk into a room with her by his side and feel like the luckiest sonofabitch in the world.She deserved a man who could love her in public, instead of only behind closed doors.She deserved the whole world.
I was already jealous as shit of the man who got to be all those things for her.If it wasn’t going to risk my relationship with my daughter, I’d volunteer right now on my knees.
But that wasn’t our situation, and I had to face reality.
I couldn’t have Sadie, no matter how desperately I wished I could.I’d only had her completely once, and I already knew it would never be enough.
Forever wouldn’t be enough.
But I couldn’t tell her any of that without getting her hopes up.How the fuck was I supposed to do what I needed to do and not crush her?
“I don’t regret the other night, but I think we’d be foolish not to acknowledge how complicated that decision has made things.”
She still had her guard up, but her shoulders dropped ever so slightly.
“We can’t do this, Sadie.Whatever we unleashed the other night, we need to lock it back up.I can’t do this to Jenna.”
Her shoulders sagged, and she ran her hand through her ponytail before leaning back against the back of her couch.“I know.”
The defeat in her voice gutted me, but I knew this was for the best.What kind of future could we even have?
“I’m sorry.I wish…” She looked up at me and my gut clenched.God, I wished so many things.So many things I didn’t ever think about before sitting with her at that restaurant having the best date-non-date of my life.
She nodded like she knew what I couldn’t say, but her eyes were sad, and I didn’t feel any better than I did before I came here.If anything, I was feeling more confused and fucked-up over the whole thing.
“I understand,” she said.“And you’re right.I mean, what future could we really have?Jenna would never be okay with this.”It was like she was in my head, and it was just another painful reminder of how in sync we were.
“No, she wouldn’t.I can’t betray her any more than I already have.”
“I know,” she said so softly I barely heard her.There was a tightness in her voice that made me worried she was going to cry as soon as I left, and I didn’t want that for her.
I didn’t even want to leave, but I knew I needed to.
I’d said all I came to say.There was no point dragging this out any longer.
“Bye, Sadie.”
“Goodbye, Travis.”
Without another word, I walked out her door, closing it softly behind me.The sound of it latching echoed in the hollowness of my chest, but I forced myself to keep walking.
Yet with each step away from her, one thought ran through my mind.Why did my dream woman have to be my daughter’s best friend?
Get over someone by having sex with someone else
SADIE
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
I glanced up at Jenna from my coffee that I’d apparently been staring at for an inordinate amount of time while she filled me in on some vacation her mom was going on with her latest rich boyfriend.She’d called and asked if I wanted to grab coffee and a muffin at our favorite spot after work and I’d immediately said yes to avoid going home.
“What?”
“You’ve zoned out, like, a dozen times today.What’s going on with you?”
I shook my head because what could I actually tell her?
