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“No, why?”
She gestured at the food.“You made a huge spread.I assumed you were expecting company.”
I scratched the back of my neck.“Oh, no.I just wasn’t sure when you’d be back and felt like making extras.”
“Well, mind if Sadie and I join you?”She turned to Sadie.“Want to just eat here and then we can go in the pool?”
Sadie hesitated, glancing at me and then back at Jenna.“I don’t have my suit.”
Jenna shrugged.“That’s okay.You can use one of mine.”
She nibbled her lip and then gave Jenna a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.“Sure.”
We ate around the island while Jenna filled us in on the latest email she’d gotten about her program.Sadie asked thoughtful questions and showed genuine interest while I watched the two of them.Jenna’s grumpy and annoyed demeanor she had walked in with disappeared and turned into laughter the longer she talked to Sadie.I inserted comments here and there, but mostly observed.
All the while, I built up my resolve to do what I needed to do—the thing I’d been dreading.
The thing that would break my heart, but in the long run I knew it would be best for Sadie—and Jenna.Maybe mostly for Jenna, but wasn’t that what a good parent did?Put their child and their needs first?
After our lunch, the girls went upstairs to Jenna’s room to change and then headed out to the pool.
“I’ll be in my office if you need me,” I said as they walked out the back door.
Jenna turned back with a frown.“Dad, it’s the weekend.You should take it off.It’s not healthy to work all the time.”
If only she knew how little work I’d gotten done in the last month that Sadie and I had been sneaking around—either because I’d been prioritizing time with her, or because I was distracted thinking about her.I had more than enough to get caught up on, especially now with the Cline project.
“I have a few things to finish up.I’ll only work for a few hours and then I’ll take the rest of the weekend off.”
Her mouth twisted in a reluctant smile.“Alright.”
And then she headed out, while Sadie lingered at the back door.Her expression was unreadable.Did she already know what I’d resolved to do?
I broke our gaze, looking down at the floor while I tried to build up the courage to actually do it.It was like ripping off a Band-Aid, right?
“Please, Travis,” she whispered with a shaky voice, and I fought against the burn behind my eyes.
My daughter was all that mattered.Her happiness was more important than mine and we’d been reckless.
It was time to end this.
I looked up at her, my expression hard, and her bottom lip quivered before she nibbled it between her teeth.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice strong and sure because I knew I had to be the adult here.I had to convince her this was for the best.“We always knew this had an expiration date.I think it’s better if we end this now.Jenna can’t ever know we did this, and if we carry on like this, we’re going to get caught.”
She stared at me, searching for something, then cleared her throat.When she finally spoke, I didn’t miss how hoarse her voice sounded, like she was trying to remain strong and only barely succeeding.“So that’s it then?”
“Yeah.This is over.”
I knew I had to be definitive, but it didn’t ease the sting of the words as I watched them pierce whatever armor she thought she had up.It didn’t ease how my own pain swelled in my chest.I couldn’t look at her anymore—I could barely stop myself from going over there and wrapping her in my arms as it was.I wanted to comfort her, but I couldn’t.I couldn’t be the one to fix this.
I wasn’t sure there even was a way to fix this.
I turned around and left the room, heading straight to my office and closing the door.At the last minute, I locked it.If Sadie walked through it right now, I’d cave.I was weak when it came to her—so much weaker than I should be.And if Jenna walked in, she’d know something was wrong with me and she’d dig until I confessed.
So instead, I sat at my desk and rested my head in my hands as a gaping hole in my chest grew until I felt like I couldn’t even take a full breath.It had never been like this before.Not with Vanessa, not even when we divorced, although I felt like an epic failure and was devastated about not getting to see Jenna every day.Not with any of the other women in my past who I’d thought might be something serious.
No.Nothing had ever felt like the pain that was racking my body now.I couldn’t concentrate on work, so I didn’t even bother.Instead, I spent the next hour reminding myself of all the reasons why I had to end it.
