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I nod.
“Woah. I mean, the guys and I always wondered. She’s hot. You’d have to be an idiot not to notice.”
“Rub it in, why don’t ya.”
He leans forward, his pose mirroring mine. “Are you trying to tell me you never noticed how hot she is? You never thought about crossing the line from friends to more?”
Fuck, I really want that beer. Swallowing thickly, I admit, “Of course I noticed. And yeah, I thought about it back in high school.”
Back before my life took a hard left turn and my mom died and my dad became someone I didn’t know or trust. I couldn’t rock the boat after that. Laney was the only solid thing in my life that kept me afloat. I wasn’t going to sacrifice that just to get my rocks off.
“So what stopped you from pursuing her? I’ve never seen you hesitate when it comes to women.”
Ty’s been my wingman more times than I can count. He can pull in nearly as many girls as I do, although he usually doesn’t. He doesn’t talk about it, but I know he prefers something long-term. He’s always been a guy who thrives in a relationship, but his last girlfriend was a real piece of work. I’d never seen a woman flip the switch from sane to crazy like Emily did. So while I was spiraling, he was trying to be a guy who can fuck without getting attached. I feel like a shit friend because here he is checking on me, and I realize I’ve never checked to see how he’s been after Emily went crazy on him.
I lean back against the couch. “Fuck, dude. I’ve been a really shitty friend. I haven’t asked you how things have been with you since Emily.”
He arches a brow. “Talk about a change of subject. I’m fine. Now stop avoiding my questions.”
I scowl at him which only makes him smile as he leans back on the couch and twists his body to face me.
“Seriously, what are you going to do about Alayna?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t.”
“Do you think you could ever love her back?”
I look down at my hands. “I do love her, more than anyone else, but I don’t know if I’m in love with her. I…I don’t know what that kind of love feels like.”
He smirks. “Well, in my experience, when you love someone, they’re the one person you want to be around every day. The thought of losing them scares the shit out of you. You care more for them than anyone else—and ideally they feel the same way. And you think about them all the time. You want to make their life better and be the best version of yourself for them.”
Well, fuck.
If it weren’t for my spiral in the last year, all of those points would be true for Alayna. Before this fallout, we talked every day, even if it was just a few texts. But even with this tension between us, she’s all I’ve thought about, even when my agent’s been trying to get me to focus on football. Laney’s been the priority. She’s always been the priority, even if she doesn’t believe that. But it’s his last point that has my chest feeling tight. I’ve not been making her life better. I’ve made it worse with my actions because I couldn’t see anything but my own pain and confusion over how to deal with what’s happening with my dad.
“So?” he asks, pulling me out of my thoughts. “Do you feel any of that for Alayna?”
I swallow thickly and then have to clear my throat to push the words out. “Yeah,” I croak. “Yeah, I do,” I say again, a little stronger this time. “I didn’t realize that’s what it was.”
Ty’s eyes fill with sympathy. “Yeah, I hate to admit that women might be right, but sometimes we guys can be a little dense.”
“Yeah,” I say vacantly while my mind replays all my past interactions with Laney with this new, very valuable information. But instead of making me feel excited and confident, dread fills my stomach. I’ve hurt her, repeatedly, because I was too stupid to see what was right in front of me.
“I don’t know how to fix this,” I confess.
“You should talk to her.”
“She was pretty clear about wanting space.”
“Maybe, but in my experience, space doesn’t fix anything. It just delays the communication that’s inevitable. You two will have to talk eventually to sort this out.”
He’s right, but I also know my words won’t matter to her—not right now. An apology might, but if I tell her what I’m only now starting to realize about my feelings for her, she’ll never believe me.
So I’ll have to show her.
Seven
I wasn’t sure Dom would actually give me the space I’d asked for, but it’s been three days since he showed up at my apartment for a second time, and I haven’t heard a peep from him. I should be thankful that he’s respecting my wishes, but I miss him.
