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Chapter One
Quinn
I’M SITTING AT the pool in the clubhouse all alone. I’ve been spending most of my time alone these days. I don’t know what’s going on, but Wicked has been acting strange lately and I don’t know how to reach him anymore. We grew up together and took our friendship to the next level about when we turned eighteen. It was an easy decision on my part because I’ve loved Wicked for half my life. I thought he’d claim me as his ol’ lady, we’d move into his room at the clubhouse, and eventually start our own family. Instead, I feel as if I’m nothing more than a glorified friend with benefits to him now. Especially when the club opens the doors and lets people from town in. Wicked enjoys flirting and talking to others. I don’t love spending time around other people I don’t know, but it’s how I’ve always been. So, instead of hanging out with me, he’s been spending his time with everyone else. At least until he wants to get laid. Then Wicked always manages to find his way to my room. I’m over it.
While he’s been talking and living his life as the Vice President of the Wild Kings, I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I’m pregnant. I found out about two weeks ago and have been trying to find the right way to tell Wicked. It’s kind of hard to do that when I can’t catch him alone for more than a few seconds. I’ve been making it very difficult for him to find me when he wants to have sex too. I want more than that with him and there’s more to think about now then whatever is going on between the two of us. If I’m never going to be more than someone he sees as friends with benefits, then I have to rethink what I’m doing here.
The only reason I even came to Cedar Bay is because of Wicked. I was content to stay home and live my life surrounded by family. There wasn’t a burning need to start over somewhere fresh or to reinvent myself. I didn’t want to get out of the shadow of my parents or anything else. I literally came here for a guy and now it seems as if that was the dumbest decision of my life. The only person I have here that I can truly confide in is my brother, Brick. I tell him everything and even he doesn’t know I’m currently pregnant. No one here does.
Yes, I grew up with everyone here and I’m close to most of the women here, but it’s different. I don’t tell them everything the way I do my brother and Wicked. Those two men are my confidants and lately I can’t talk to either one of them. Brick would tell Wicked about the baby as he was beating his ass. My brother is very protective of me and if he thought I was upset or hurting because of Wicked, he wouldn’t hesitate to hand him his ass on a silver platter. Brick would smile and laugh while doing it too.
Dangling my feet in the water of the pool, I let my mind wander to the baby. I’d been feeling off for about two weeks before I finally went to the doctor to find out what was going on with me. Being pregnant didn’t even register in my mind because I take my birth control on a daily basis. It’s the one thing in my life that I’m consistent with and nothing gets in the way of me taking it. So, hearing I was pregnant was a tremendous shock to me and it took me a few days to wrap my head around the information and everything that was going on.
From there, I went to see an obstetrician. Not only was the pregnancy confirmed, but I had an ultrasound done and was told I’m about ten weeks pregnant. Two and a half damn months. I’ve had a drink or two in that time and wasn’t eating as healthy as I could’ve been. When I voiced all of my concerns to the doctor, she kindly informed me the baby should be okay and we’d keep a close eye on him or her moving forward. The only thing left to do was to tell Wicked I was pregnant and then figure out the best way to move forward. Not that I’d give up my baby, but whether or not Wicked was going to be with me to raise our child or not.
After thinking of the baby for so long, I’m more than ready to not only be a mom, but I’m perfectly capable of raising my son or daughter on my own. I don’t need Wicked or anyone in the club to help me. I can either move back home or stay here in Cedar Bay, move out of the clubhouse, and get a second job if I have to. I love working at the Pit Stop and will gladly get a second job at one of the club’s businesses if I have to in order to take care of my child. Wicked can live his life and forget all about the two of us. It’s not like he hasn’t already done so in a lot of ways.
On top of ignoring Wicked and hiding out from him, I’m also hiding out from my brother. Like I said, he’s very protective of me and would rip Wicked to shreds if he knew I wasn’t happy or something was going on. He already knows something is going on with me because I’ve been withdrawn and have been lost in my head more often than not over the last few weeks. So, he’s tried so many times to corner me to find out what’s going on. I’ve even heard him threaten to call our dad and have him either come down here or call me and find out what’s going on. That’s the last thing I want. If I thought Brick was bad in the overprotective asshole thing, my dad is a million times worse. Steel is my dad and he’d kick Wicked’s ass first and ask questions second. He doesn’t give a shit when it comes to protecting his ‘little princess’.
“Quinn, what are you doin’ in here?” Wicked asks, his voice startling me to the point I almost fall in the pool.
“Wicked, what do you want?” I ask him, not sure why he’s even in here.
Most of the guys leave the pool room to us. The only time they really come in here is to spend time with their ol’ lady and kids when we bring the kids swimming. Thankfully it’s an indoor swimming pool so we can swim all year round and not worry about getting sick because our rooms are so damn close to the swimming area. While I’d love to make use of the hot tub in here, right now I’m not able to.
“I’ve been lookin’ for you, Quinn. Seems I haven’t seen you in a while. Even when I go in search of you, you’re not in your room or anywhere else. Did I do somethin’ wrong?” he asks, sitting down on the edge of the pool with me.
“You could say that,” I hedge, my voice already wavering with emotion.
“Is this about the party when that girl was flirtin’ with me?” he questions, bringing up the night I was going to tell him about the baby but he was already drunk as fuck and spent his evening with a group of people including a woman who kept draping herself all over him.
I spent my night playing pool with my brother until I couldn’t take it any longer and finally went to bed in an empty room where no one would find me. Typically our empty rooms are locked and none of us go in there for any reason. That night, I practically moved my things into one of those rooms and have been hiding out ever since.
“Wicked, you act like we’re together when it’s convenient for you. If there’s not a party going on with people from the town here. I’ve put up with it for over two years now because of everything going on here. Starting the new club, you becoming the Vice President, everything. Now, things are changing and I’m nothing more to you than a glorified friend with benefits,” I tell him, the first tear escaping and sliding down my cheek. “I’ve given you every single piece of me over the years Wicked. My heart. My soul. Every second of my attention that wasn’t focused on me. I can’t do that anymore. Wicked, I’m pregnant. I’m almost three months along now and have been trying to figure out how to tell you. At the very least, you deserve to know the truth and I won’t ever keep our son or daughter from you. However, I’m fully prepared to raise this baby alone. I don’t need or want your help and won’t force you to do anything.
“I’m going to talk to Goose when I go to work in a few hours about getting a leave of absence. I might head home for a while to figure out what I want moving forward. The entire reason I even came to Cedar Bay was because of you and there’s nothing holding me here. Not any longer. If you want to live your life as a single man, then I’ll give you that space to do so. I just won’t sit back and continue giving you everything I have and getting barely anything in return. Hell, you can’t even commit to me, Wicked. I’m not your ol’ lady and we’ve never even talked about me becoming that for you. Instead, you bring me to your room late at night recently and then the next day I’m back to being the girl you grew up with in the club. I’m done with it.”
Wicked doesn’t say anything for a few minutes. He doesn’t look at me or anything as I stare down into the pool. I imagine myself sinking under the water and letting it close in around me. The water will block out everything in the world and I can take a few minutes to breathe and gather my thoughts. Instead, I remain sitting where I am because Wicked isn’t going to run me off and make me feel like a piece of shit because I’m pregnant or calling him out on his shit.
“Quinn, baby, I don’t know what to say. I don’t mean to treat you like that. If I did, I wouldn’t have asked you to come down here with me. I’m not sure what’s goin’ on in my head but my intention really isn’t to push you away. Quinn, you know I love you. You’re not just someone I fuck. Honestly, I can get pussy anywhere and you know that. You’re my girl and I thought you understood that.
“I’m sorry about that girl, Quinn. I don’t even know her fuckin’ name. That night I was drunk and everythin’ is pilin’ up higher and higher. We got Claw out there still and don’t know what the fuck his next move is gonna be. No one can find him or who he’s workin’ with. We’re all gettin’ stretched thin here and somethin’ needs to change. Not between the two of us. Well, I mean things do need to change, but not in the way you’re thinkin’. I’ll do better, Quinn. I promise you of that,” he says, grabbing my hand and holding it in his while turning to look at me. “I can’t believe you’re pregnant. We haven’t been tryin’ for a baby or anythin’. How did this happen?”
“I’m pretty sure you know how this happened, Wicked. Words don’t really mean too much Wicked. I’ve heard them from you before and things get better for a few weeks. Then it all changes again and it’s like I’m once again forgotten. I haven’t even told Brick what’s going on because I know he’s gonna beat your ass when he finds out. He’s already pissed about that girl being all over you. So, I’m not gonna just accept your words this time Wicked. Things either change between us, or I make some personal changes and figure out what to do on my own,” I tell him, getting up and leaving him to sit alone in the pool room.
Heading to the room I’ve been using, I let myself in and softly close the door behind me. I need to get ready for work and maybe talk to my mom. Wicked knows about the baby now so I can finally talk to her about things. For now, she won’t talk to my dad about it, but it’s just a matter of time before he finds out. I might be a daddy’s girl, but him knowing about the baby right now isn’t a good idea. Not when things are completely up in the air between Wicked and me.
With another tear escaping, I sink down into the bed I’ve been using and pick up my phone. Ignoring the messages and missed calls filling my screen, I call my mom.
“Quinn, how are you doing baby?” my mom asks, answering the phone, her voice instantly washing over me and calming me down.
I can’t stop the sobs from bursting out. There’s just something in my mom’s voice that makes me release all of the pent up emotion and everything I’ve been holding in since learning about the baby and not knowing what’s going on with Wicked.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” she asks, moving around as I listen to the sounds in the background of her phone.
“Mom, I’m pregnant,” I finally say, my voice breaking and tears falling faster as I try to compose myself.
The phone line is silent and I don’t know what to think. I thought my mom would be okay with the situation. However, her silence is telling. At least to me.
