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Normal is a state that has felt so far out of reach, I feared I would never touch it again at certain points over these last few days. But when I wake up from my nap and head downstairs in time to help out with dinner, things feel normal again.
I love these meal times with the guys. It’s nice when everyone is gathered and comfortable, and I’m so grateful for the lack of tension in the air.
It seems like there are a lot of reasons tensioncouldrob me of the comfort these meal time gatherings provide, but unlike me—about as sturdy and reliable as a wet noodle right now—the Granville men are pillars, setting aside petty squabbles and behaving like a family when it’s called for.
That’s so nice. I guess it’s probably nothing to them; it’s what they’re used to.
My mother has never set aside a petty grievance for anything once in her whole life, so it’s alien behavior to me, but I love it. I want to relocate to their planet.
Milo and I make dinner while Jet plays on his laptop at the island. Jonathan sits at the other side, messing around on his phone and periodically taking a break to make good-naturedly antagonistic comments about my bedhead or how well serving him suits me.
I don’t feel threatened by it today, though. I check in with Milo after the first comment, but he seems much more relaxed after our encounter upstairs.
I don’t know if it was messing around or just opening up and talking to each other that helped so much, but this thing between us feels less fragile than it has lately. He’s even flirting with me again which makes me immensely happy.
The sideways smiles, the sparkle that returns to his blue eyes. I’m happy again, let’s just see how long it lasts.
It makes me a bit fearful thinking about my intense mood swings. I hadn’t put much thought into it because I’ve been entirely preoccupied just keeping my head above water lately, but since I haven’t started my period yet, I am a bit worried there could be more contributing to my mood swings than just reacting to a trauma.
What if I’m pregnant with Jonathan’s baby?
I don’t know how soon pregnancy hormones start messing everything up.
I know Milo said we would deal with that if we had to, but God, I don’t want to put him through that. It’s bad enough he has to swallow me going to his son and letting him—actuallyasking him to—be my first. Jonathan fathering a baby he would have to raise is just too much to ask.
It’s reassuring that he’s even open to dealing with all that just to have me, but I’ve never prayed so hard for a period in my life.
Milo’s firm hand on my waist jolts me from my thoughts and weakens all the muscles in my legs. I don’t immediately know why he’s touching me, but he merely pulls me aside so he can reach into the drawer I’m blocking.
I feel a bit shaky, but in the good way.
God, I’m so wildly attracted to him.
His hand is still on my waist. He looks me in the eye and I feel a knot of emotion lodged in my chest.
He must feel me craving him because he leans in and gives me a tender little kiss on the corner of my mouth. “Thank you for making dinner with me tonight.”
Thank you for turning my insides to complete mush.
I smile, but definitely keep those words trapped firmly inside my head.
“Anytime,” I say lightly.
“Now that you’re living here, I imagine we’ll be making dinner together a lot.”
Living here.
That’s still crazy.
“Is Kennedy coming back to school tomorrow?” Jet asks. “We can carpool if she is.”
Milo nods, glancing over at me. “Think you’re up to it?”
I nod, tucking a chunk of hair behind my ear. “Yeah, of course. I meant to go back today, I just… couldn’t.”
“That’s all right.”
The way he says it makes me feel like it is. “It will be good to go back, though. I think the routine will help snap me out of… my funk or whatever.”
