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“I mean, not like…” My heart races. I’m going to die of awkwardness right here and now. “I want us to be— I don’t want…”
His tone isn’t as teasing as before, but he tries for reassuring since I’m being a whole wreck. “Relax, stray. You’ll have a fucking coronary. It’s not that serious.”
Tell that to my fluttery heart and sweating palms. “I know you like to be mean to me for fun sometimes, but I don’t want to be mean or really hurt you in any way—not that I evencan, but I just… I appreciate all you’ve done for me, and I genuinely like you. I enjoy this playful relationship between us, and I don’t want anything to mess it up.”
“I’m a pretty sturdy guy,” he assures me. “It’ll take more than a little thing like you to shake me.”
“I wasn’t suggesting... I just wanted to tell you in this immensely awkward way, apparently…”
He smirks again, his blue eyes glinting with amusement. “That you like me.”
I roll my eyes, annoyed at the fact. “Yes.”
“You should’ve jotted down ‘do you like me? Check yes or no’ on a piece of notebook paper and slid it to me. Would’ve been easier.”
He may not be rattled, but I certainly am. I don’t know if it’s because he genuinely doesn’t care, or he’s not getting what I’m saying because I’m saying it so clumsily.
“I’m also super in love with your dad,” I blurt, watching his face with my stomach aching to see how he takes it.
Nothing seems to change. He nods wordlessly, but doesn’t appear to be surprised.
“And I’m not pregnant,” I add, though I feel like I buried the lead.
I still can’t tell what he’s thinking.
Tears burn behind my eyes, completely horrifying me. I’m always a little emotional at the start of a cycle, and I’ve been incredibly emotional over the past few days. My emotional state is not entirely back to where it should be, and even if it were, I wouldn’t know how to handle a situation like this.
Jonathan sees the tears shining on the surface of my eyes and drops his devil-may-care fucking around attitude. “Hey. Don’t cry.” He sets his book and the beer down on the end table, then reaches his arms out for me. “Come here.”
I feel relieved when he pulls me into his strong arms, pushing my face into his chest and holding me tight.
“We’re fine,” he rumbles in my ear. “We’re not breaking up or anything. There’s no reason to get upset.”
“This feels like a weird gray area and I’ve never… been here before.”
He strokes my hair. “I have. Don’t stress about it, okay? We’re good. I’m not mad. I’m not hurt. You don’t have to feel bad about anything.”
I feel stupid admitting it, but I might as well. “I wasn’t sure if maybe you liked me a little bit, and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings if you did.”
He laughs lightly, giving me a squeeze, then pulls me back to look down at me. “You’re so goddamn inexperienced. I oughta beat my dad’s cradle-robbing ass.”
Startled laughter bursts out of me. It’s a teary laugh, my eyes still wet with tears, but at least none fell down my face. “No ass-beating allowed. You guys have an in-home gym for that.”
“You like me and I like you,” he says, shrugging. “What’s the problem?”
“I just wasn’t sure…”
He knows what I wasn’t sure of, so he doesn’t make me finish.
“I knew you were invested in my dad, Kennedy. I knew that from the moment I walked in on you two making out like teenagers in the foyer. I’m not generally a jealous guy, and I knew where your loyalties were when I let you into my bedroom that night.”
Generally.
A frown flickers across my face, but before I can overthink that word that stands out a bit more than the rest, he continues.
“If I let any wires get crossed, then that was on me. Not saying they did, of course.”
“Of course,” I murmur dryly since his tone seems to invite me to agree with his unwavering impenetrability.
