Page 172 of Surrender


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I breathe a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Ilona.”

She nods and puts Silvan’s plate on the table in front of him, then heads back to the kitchen.

I grab my silverware to cut into my food so I can mix it all up when the strong scent of pesto wafts to my nose and instantly makes me feel ill.

Unable to keep from grimacing, I sit back, trying to put distance between the plate and my nostrils and press a hand against my stomach.

Richard’s dry tone brings my gaze up. “What’s wrong now? Silvan told us you like chicken. Are you afraid we were mean to the basil?”

I crack a smile and shake my head. “No, it’s not that. I just… I don’t know, I feel a little sick. Does the pesto smell really strong to anyone else?”

Richard’s gaze flickers to Silvan.

I’m moments from throwing up, but I refuse to do it, so I grab a water goblet and take a few sips to keep it down.

Then Silvan’s mom asks, “Could you be pregnant?” and I nearly choke.

No!

I open my mouth to deny the possibility, but I can’t. Silvan has come inside me so many times, I think I have more of his DNA in my body than mine.

My hesitation is all the confirmation they need, apparently.

“Oh my goodness. Should we get you a test? I can send someone out now, and you’ll have it by the time dinner’s over. Ilona,” she calls.

I shake my head. “I can’t be. I mean, it’s not impossible, but I wouldn’t know this soon…”

“You might,” she says, bright-eyed. “With Silvan, I didn’t know right away, but I was young and didn’t really know what tolook out for. With my second pregnancy, I was ill from the very beginning. I knew within days.”

I blink in surprise. “Isn’t Silvan an only child?”

Melanie’s eyes widen, and she looks over at Richard. “Yes. Yes, what I meant was—”

He cuts in with a decisive, “She lost it.” He holds my gaze for a beat, then says, “It’s a painful memory she doesn’t like to revisit.”

No questions. Got it.

That makes sense to me. I’m sure if I miscarried, it would hurt to talk about, and I’m not nearly as sensitive as Melanie.

She clears her throat. “Have you had any soreness in your breasts? Felt extra tired? Perhaps a little more emotional than usual?”

I have no idea.

I mean, yes, but I attributed those things to falling in love with her son and the physical aftermath of our bedroom activities. We had alotof sex this weekend, and he very much enjoys playing with my breasts. I figured that’s why they were a little sore when I was getting dressed for dinner.

Obviously, I cannot say that.

“Oh, this is so exciting,” she says. Too eager to wait for Ilona to come back, she gets up and goes to the kitchen to get her.

Once she’s gone, Silvan looks at his dad. “I didn’t know Mom had a miscarriage.”

Richard spears a piece of chicken. “You were young. And, as I said, she doesn’t like to talk about it.”

I look over at Silvan, shaking my head. “I can’t be pregnant. It’s too soon.”

He reaches over and takes my hand. He doesn’t say anything, but I can tell he’s not anxious about it like I am.

His mom comes back moments later, telling Ilona to get several pregnancy tests so we can be sure. “Make sure you get the early detection ones!”

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