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My heart races as he holds me captive with his forceful grip and ravages my mouth. I can taste the aggression on his lips, feel the heat of anger and ruthlessness hidden beneath the guise of an affectionate act.
I can feel the violence in him escalating, and for the first time, I’m starting to question my ability to rein it in.
When our mouths finally part, he leaves me breathless, but not in a swoony romantic way.
Breathless in the way a vampire would leave a human’s carcass bloodless once it was done feeding and had no further use for it.
It’s a taste of what it could be like if he didn’t care to keep me in one piece and he took too much from me without concerning himself with my survival, but the thought whispers across my consciousness…
Hasn’t he taken enough?
Before I can fully process the hollow feeling that thought gives, his bruising grip on me eases a bit. He pulls me close, but this time when he wraps his arms around me, it’s a hug. It’s the warmth I desperately need after that greedy, possessive, soul-sucking kiss, so I wrap my arms around him and hug him back with my eyes closed.
We stand there like that for a long time, just holding each other.
It feels good, but I can’t shake the mantels of dread and fear he draped around my shoulders before this.
I wanted to be his queen, but I didn’t think the trappings would always be this heavy.
He lets me pull back when I’m ready, but before he lets go, he leaves a soft, tender kiss at the corner of my mouth. “Let’s go home.”
___
I didn’t walk far, so it’s a short ride back to our place.
When we get there, though, it feels like I’ve been away longer. Just not long enough.
I’m not ready to go back inside yet. I want more time with Hannah. I want to lie in a field of daisies with her and breathe the warm California air instead of this bitter cold Bostonian weather. I want sunny skies and big fluffy clouds, not raindrops and darkness.
I feel Dare looking at me.
I also feel tears welling up in my eyes, and while I don’t think it’s enough to fall, it probably is enough to notice.
Not wanting him to attribute my sadness to anything else, I say quietly, “I miss home.”
My voice sounds ragged with emotion. Hearing it out loud, I don’t know who that sad girl is, but I feel terrible for her.
Feels a little worse that it’s me.
I’ve been on a roller-coaster ride tonight, that’s all it is. Ups and downs, old traumas revisited, and new feelings acknowledged—despite my best attempts to shove them down.
And sure, I’ve been a little lonely lately. I’m sure that doesn’t help. College is a lot different from high school, and not living with Mom is weird. Dare and I have different schedules, so we’re figuring out how to juggle it all. He has more to juggle than I do because he has already made friends. I don’t get to have those, so I spend more time alone with no one to talk to.
Dare reaches for my hand. My mind quiets a little as he turns over my wrist and gently traces his fingertip along the sensitive skin. It feels nice, and my eyes drift closed.
“I’m sorry you’re homesick. We can take a trip back soon if you’d like to.”
I don’t know if I want that or not, but I nod anyway.
If I could go home and do whatever I want there, of course I would want to go. If I didn’t have to worry about his reactions to things, since I know he’ll be watching my every move.
If I felt free, then yes, I would love to spend some time in Baymont.
But I’m afraid it will only bring more stress, more potential danger, and I don’t want that.
Dare drops my hand to open his car door, so I open mine and climb out, too.
Dare heads to the kitchen to grab the bottles of water I never got us earlier, and I head upstairs to take a shower so I can wash off the grime of the night.
