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Even though I know it’s a little crazy because I’m definitely alone in this room, I say softly as if he can hear me, “I felt safe with you when you held me. I’ve never felt that before. It was nice.”
I’d never tell him that anyway, but I feel a little lighter saying it out loud in my own company.
Knowing I felt safe with him even when I wasn’t opens up possibilities I had quietly given up on.
Maybe someday, when I meet the right man, I’ll be able to feel safe with him.
Chapter Seven
Sophie
Dark dreams keep me firmly in their clutches all night long. After a fitful night’s sleep, I wake up with a massive headache and eyes that feel achy behind the lids from lack of proper rest.
I get right up rather than stay in bed like I’m tempted to.
I know if I linger in bed, memories of last night will catch up to me.
Mom’s in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. “Good morning, sleepyhead.”
Her words cause me to frown mildly. I was in such a hurry to get out here, I didn’t grab my phone when I left my room, so I can’t check it for the time. My gaze flickers to the small black microwave on the counter. It reads 10:13.
That can’t be right. I left the party early, so I didn’t get to bed super late. I shouldn’t be so exhausted if I got that much sleep.
Retrieving a mug from the cupboard, I pour myself a cup of coffee. I’m not a fan of the taste, so I leave plenty of room for the flavored creamer to top it off and make it more palatable.
“Did you have fun at the Halloween party last night?”
My stomach bottoms out at her conversational question.
The headache seems to intensify, so I grab a second cup to get myself a glass of water. I swallow a couple of ibuprofen and gulp down the water hoping at least it’ll cut through the headache.
Mom’s an early riser, so she’s always early to bed, too.
“Not really,” I murmur without offering any details.
I know she’ll likely ask, though.
“No? Did you mingle and try to talk to the other kids?”
Sighing, I stir my coffee to mix in the creamer. “I don’t want to talk about the party, Mom.”
“I just want to know if you gave it an honest try to have a good time, or if you went with the mindset you’d hate it and hid in some corner the whole time. If you don’t give things a chance, you’ll end up missing out on a lot of experiences, honey. You can’t be so close-minded.”
“I am not close-minded,” I snap, looking at her over my shoulder. “Maybe I’m just not as social as you. Have you ever thought of that? Just because you’re outgoing and enjoy meeting people and going to parties doesn’t mean I have to. We’re different people, and I shouldn’t have to keep doing things I hate to please everyone else.”
My heart hammers in my chest, and my stomach feels rocky. I don’t like snapping at my mom, but I’m so sick of being pushed into things I’m not ready for.
“I just don’t want you to waste your college years like you did the high school ones, honey. You had friends, and you did enjoy going out. You shouldn’t stop doing those things just because you had a falling out with those guys. Some people aren’t meant to stick around in our lives, but if you keep nursing your heartache over the ones it didn’t work out with, you’ll miss out on moving on with your life and meeting new people, some of whom just might stick around.”
I shake my head, annoyed, but I know it’s not fair. Mom doesn’t know what led to that “falling out.” I never told her. I never told anyone until Silvan asked about it last night.
It doesn’t matter. What matters is that Mom is so relentless that, in the end, I always end up trying to prove myself to her.
But I’m done.
After last night, there’s no way I’m putting myself in another situation like that just for it to turn out the same way again.
“You know I just want you to be happy, honey,” Mom says softly, ratcheting up the guilt roiling in my stomach.
