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“What do you think they’re saying about us now?” Ellis laughs.
“Probably wondering if we’re going to make out some more,” I say. Ellis’s body tenses up next to me, and she turns to face me. She rests her chin on her fist and watches me for a moment. I hold my breath, waiting to see if she’s about to crush my hopes and dreams for us.
“About that…” she says, and I close my eyes. I don’t want to see the pitying look on her face when she shuts me down. “Come on, Josiah. We have to talk about it.”
“It’s okay. We don’t have to. I know you’re not interested in me the way I am you.”
She doesn’t say anything. The silence stretches on and on and on. Finally, she giggles.
“Are you serious?” she asks. “I’m the one who kissedyou! Obviously I’m interested!”
I open my eyes and study her, trying to figure out if she’sbeing serious. “You are?” I ask, daring to hope for the first time in years.
“Yes,” she says. She tucks a hair behind her ear and bites her bottom lip. I want to reach out and caress her face, pull her in for another kiss, but my hands are shaking. But who cares? I’m about to reach out to her when she says, “But…” She pauses for a minute, thinking and gathering her thoughts and drawing out my agony.
Just say it,I want to scream. She has me on a rollercoaster of emotions. I don’t think I’ve experienced so many highs and lows in the span of one minute in my entire life. “But I want to take things slow,” she finally finishes.
“Slow. I can do slow,” I say, taking her hand in mine and breathing in and out to calm my racing heart.
“I mean, like, really slow, Josiah. I don’t want to rush into things and get all wrapped up in another relationship and forget who I am again. I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do long term. You know I want to shift gears with my career a little bit, and I don’t want to throw all of that out the window for some man again. Not that you’re just ‘some man.’ You know you’re so important to me, but you know what I mean!”
Her cheeks are red, and she flails her hands around in agitation. She’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I grab her hands again to try to catch her attention. She stops instantly, looking up at me with those wide, blue eyes that have always felt like a punch to the gut. “I know what you mean, and I respect that. I’m not trying to rush you or get you to put your wants or needs aside for me. I just want us to give this a shot. A real, honest-to-God try. Don’t you think we owe it to ourselves to see where this might go?”
“I do,” she says.
She smiles up at me, and it’s soft and warm and beautiful. I’m five seconds away from grabbing her and pulling her intomy lap so I can kiss her again, but the sound of the family coming out of the kitchen freezes me in place.
“We have plenty of time,” she whispers up at me, and I nod my head. We’ll have forever if I have anything to say about it.
Ellis claimed that she wanted to try another physical activity on her search for a hobby, so I invited her to come play softball with the adult league that Caleb and I play with every once in a while. It’s all just for fun, and no one gets bent out of shape if our team gets destroyed by our opponent. She’s never played before, but we’re so bad that it won’t matter.
She seems excited while we’re stretching and warming up. I throw her a few practice pitches, and she hits about half of them. Not bad for a first-timer. Not that my pitches are actually a challenge to hit, though. I’ve never had a very good pitch.
Our opponents finally arrive to the field, and we all watch them as they climb out of their cars and unload all their gear. We’ve never played this team before, and just by looking at them, I can tell they aren’t all here just for fun. These people look intense. They all have matching team jerseys, while we just show up in whatever athletic wear we feel like putting on for the day.
And they’re all buff. Their muscles have muscles. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in good shape, but I don’t look like I’m about to enter a body-building competition like these guys. There are four women on their team, and all of them look like they could take me in a fist fight…and it would be a walk in the park for them. Caleb is the only guy on our team who could even remotely stand against them, and I bet he’d still struggle.
Ellis comes back to our team’s dugout and sees the teamentering the field to begin their warmup. She drops her phone on the bench, her eyes wide with panic. Her mouth opens and closes a few times, trying to say something.
Finally, she points at the Goliaths on the field and says, “You said this was just a fun game. They look like they’re about to sign contracts with the MLB!”
I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her into my chest, kissing the top of her head. Her body tenses up momentarily before relaxing into me. I try not to be offended by her reaction. Everything is so new. We’re still taking it slow and figuring out where we stand with each other. But it’s hard. I know where I want all of this to go. I know that I’d lock this down for good if she were ready. I drop my arm and remind myself to be patient. She’s worth waiting for. I’ve already waited for well over a decade, and I’d wait another decade if that meant she was happy and comfortable.
“I cannot play against them!” she says in an almost hysterical voice.
“I’m sure it will be fine,” I laugh, trying to ease her nerves. “Maybe they’re just sponsored by a gym.”
“Josiah, look at them, and then look at me. They will pummel me.”
Caleb is snickering next to me. I cut him a warning look, and he holds up his hands in surrender as he backs away to give us a minute.
“Ellis, this is just adult league softball. It’s meant to be fun, and I’m sure they’re aware of that. It’s not that serious.”
She nods her head and takes a few deep breaths as she listens to my words, but I don’t think she believes anything I’m saying. She backs up slowly toward the bench and curls herself up in the corner as if she’s trying to make herself invisible.
An hour later, I’m learning the hard way that Ellis wasright about these guys. I don’t think they know the meanings of the wordsfunorfriendly. They’re destroying us. We haven’t even had anyone make it home. What makes matters worse is, they don’t even look like they’re having fun doing it. They look almost angry. Angry at what? I’m not too sure. Maybe it’s the fact that our team isn’t any good, so we’re not giving them a big enough challenge. Or maybe this is just the way they are all the time.
If they’re going to make our team so miserable, they could, at the very least, have fun doing it. Or better yet, they could just lighten up so thateveryonehere could have a good time. Instead, they’re yelling at each other, taunting our team members, and just all around being bullies. Earlier, one of their players slid into second base and completely took out our second baseman while doing it. He limped off the field and has been icing his leg on the bench ever since.
