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He chuffs in reply to mimic me. “You are the last person I can ever imagine just sitting around. I’ve seen you out on the field.”
I give him my best smirk. “Yeah, it’s kinda hard to hide out there.”
“Eh, I don’t know Nik. I still think I’d recognize you even if there were thousands of people on the field.”
I blush at his comment because while I may not be good at dating, or expressing my feelings well with Brad, I do know how to flirt. Plus, I’ve known Andy so long it doesn’t even feel like flirting anymore.
“Stop before you make me blush.”
He smiles, flashing a dimple on his right cheek. My poorbruised ego from earlier is secretly enjoying the attention. I momentarily frown, thinking again about earlier.
“Hey, now. You ain’t gotta frown.” Andy slings his arm around my shoulder and gives me a squeeze. “We’re back to our antics now and I’ll make sure we don’t go so long without seeing each other again.”
I shake my head and smile—still the same down to earth, funny guy that I remember. Just as I’m getting into the groove of flirting, Erica pops up out of fucking nowhere and scares the shit out of us.
“Yeah, well you should go to spring formal together since Nikki here doesn’t have a date yet.”
The choking sound from my throat gets both Erica and Andy looking at me. Andy takes his arm off my shoulder and pats me on the back. I wonder how much of our conversation she heard.
“Are you all right?” he asked me.
“Yeah. Just swallowed all my pride right then.” I give Erica a pointed look. “Apparently, Erica is my new pimp.”
Andy laughs good naturedly. “Well, I don’t have to be told twice. I’m sold. When’s the formal? Cause I’m there, gorgeous.”
I start to tell him the date but before I can even get it out, his lips are meeting mine and he’s kissing me. One peck, two and then a third. He pauses to pull back enough to look at me. Our eyes meet and he must see what he’s looking for because he leans back in and we continue kissing. I guess this is one way to get over the sting of rejection.
MONDAY BLUES
April 2005
It’s a fine art on how to get yourself into exact situations like the one that I find myself in now. I fidget with the strap of my bookbag and shift from foot to foot. It’s been three days since I’ve seen Brad in his dorm room and now I find myself standing nervously outside of our mutually shared Advanced Crime Analysis class. The class starts in less than two minutes and I can see that everyone has filed in apart from me. I swallow hard, thinking back to the other night. I refuse to feel embarrassed about it anymore but the sting is still there.
Brad and I have messaged each other so often I found it extremely noticeable that we didn’t speak the rest of the weekend. Granted, I stayed offline, but the last time I checked my phone still worked just fine. I could have texted him but honestly, I was too upset to feign small talk or anything else with him. Plus, what kind of person did it make me that he shoots me down and then I go out and make out with someone else a few hours later. I can’t even blame it on alcohol because I was one hundred percent sober.
I felt guilty all Sunday but after I spilled my guts to Meg shereassured me that I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m single, he’s single and right now for all I know it’s a one-sided infatuation that will go nowhere.
I take a deep breath, square my shoulders back, plant my hand on the door handle and with all the strength I can muster, pull it open. I make my way to the back row towards my seat. We don’t have assigned seats but this far into the semester everyone has their unspoken claimed seat. I chant over and over on a loop to myself:it’s not me. It was him. I’m a confident and talented woman.I also mumble to myself that I now have a very handsome date to spring formal thanks to Andy.
My eyes look everywhere but at my destination. I smile at some of the other people in the room that I’m acquainted with. One girl asks me when my next event is for twirling but now I’ve run out of real estate and I find myself standing in my row facing my empty chair. Brad looks up from his notebook and gives me an easy smile. There’s no hesitation and for that I’m thankful. I might be feeling unsettled on the inside about the other day but I’m not letting a single glimpse of that out. I beam a smile right back at him and take my seat.
I take out my textbook and get my stuff ready for the class. I’m not shocked when Brad begins to speak, but I am relieved. I certainly wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence between us.
“Did you have a good weekend?”
My hand pauses, my hand hovering over the paper with my pen.Is he joking or is he being serious?I mentally shrug because I’m not sure. I choose to believe the latter so I just go with it.
“It was fine. I ended up going to the Mu Gamma’s set mixer Saturday night then I spent Sunday doing stuff that needed to get done before the week started. I’m sure you know how that goes.”
He nods his head in thought.
Good manners that my mother ingrained in me for years has me asking him how his weekend was when honestly, I don’t know if I want to hear. Am I being a little petty?MaybeBut hey, I’m not being rude and that’s the important thing.
“Yeah. It was fine.” He answers quickly but he seems lost in thought.
The Professor enters the class and as the lecture starts, I dive in and give my focus to the topic. I might be writing notes and trying my best to listen to the lecture but I’m acutely aware of Brad sitting beside me. I can see his desktop beside me. I can see him twirling his pen, hear his deep breaths and his small sighs. I don’t know what’s going on with him but I refuse to look over.
In the last few minutes of the class, I catch Brad’s hand moving towards my desktop out of the corner of my eye. I turn my head and look down, following the motion of his hand. He’s got a small piece of paper and he’s placing it on my desk. I look down at it.
