AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I haven’t wanted to bother him because I know that law school can be hard. That’s one reason why everyone doesn’t go, but I’ve been giving him space because honestly, I don’t know if anything will ever happen between us again. I try not to think about it though because if I do it inevitably gets me down and I’ve been trying to live my life as best as I can. Even though I’m tired, I drag myself out of bed with the intention of turning off my monitor. I won’t be able to sleep with my computer screen flashing the screensaver all night long. When I sit down in the seat I know that I’m going to check his profile. It’s just a habit that’s hard to break.
It only takes me a few clicks to get to his profile and when I do, I still. I even think I break out into a cold sweat. His relationship status has gone fromSingletoIn a Relationship. I feel like I’m going to vomit. While I’ve been pining away for him, giving him space, thinking he’s too busy to have a relationship, he’s gone and started a whole new one with someone else. He was just too busy to want to explore anything with me. I guess since I’m out of sight, I’m out of mind. It makes sense now whywe’ve gone so long without speaking. He’s got other priorities and I’m just not one.
It could be the exhaustion, the fact that I don’t have a great support system here, just a small group of work friends that I randomly socialize with outside of work, but I suddenly feelveryalone. I feel tiny and small and alone and that no one would really miss me. I look at the clock on my nightstand and realize it’s too late to call or text anyone. Most people I know are asleep by now on a Tuesday night. I pull out my phone anyways and send a text message to Erica. We’ve been texting and talking as much as we can but she’s busy with grad school in South Carolina.
He’s in a relationship now.
I shut off my monitor no longer caring about anything online. I crawl back into bed and throw the covers over me. My phone vibrates in my hand before I can set it on the nightstand.
Who?
Erica replies which means she must be up late. Probably working on something for school.
Brad. I checked his profile and he’s in a relationship now.
Sorry Nik
I think you should delete him.
Unfriend him at least. It’s not healthy. You don’t date anymore because you wait for him.
He’s moved on. Clearly.
Way to just cut me off at the knees.
Her brutal honesty, cutting straight to the point is exactly why she’s one of my best friends. If I called up Lola or Meg they’d try to sugarcoat it, which I appreciate but at the same time, I want real honesty. I’ve been tangled up in this emotional mess for far too long and feel like I can’t see out of it anymore.
I’m honest and you know that. It’s also what you need to hear.
I think it’s time to finally let him go.
She’s right. I know she’s right. It’s time.
I know.
Try and get some rest. Everything will look and feel better in the morning. If not I can drive down there this weekend and we’ll blow off some steam.
I throw my phone down on the bed. I don’t need to say anything else to her right now. We’ve known each other too long for her to get mad at me for not saying good night or bye. Her school and my work make it impossible some days to have a conversation. I lay down in bed and think about what she said, I think about what I saw online. I do the one thing I know to do. I open up my phone, pull up his contact information, and go to the delete. My thumb hovers over the red button. It feels so final, to delete him from my phone.
I take a deep breath and hit the button before I change my mind. Contact deleted. I scroll through my contacts looking to see that he truly is deleted and he is. He’s gone. I lay there and cry again for what I feel like I’ve lost. I’ve lost the only person I’ve ever really felt connected to.
January 1, 2008
I lay down in my full-size bed and look around the room. Back in my hometown, in my parent’s house, living in my old room. I haven’t technically lived here full time since sophomore year of college, so three years ago. Now I’m back here and have no clue what to do. Last week the contract ended on my job and since they deemed my position no longer needed, they didn’t renew it. I had to pack up my tiny studio and figure out what to do. After talking to my mother and some of my friends, the best decision was to come home to figure it out. I had some time considering I’d saved almost everything that I made over the course of the year. I’m not completely desperate for money.
The only friend I’ve got in town is Lola, who is taking graduate classes at school. She’s been messaging me to go out with her and catch up because I haven’t seen her in months but I haven’t gone yet. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve moved home, lost my job and I’m basically at square one that makes me not want to go out to dinner and make conversation. I’m probably just being dramatic but I mean, I’m living in my parent’s houseand I’m anadult. This is exactly what Ididn’twant to happen in my life. Instead of going out tonight, I’m looking at jobs, trying to figure out what kind of work I can get into. Having a criminal justice degree and not going into law, politics, or being a police officer kind of left me screwed on the job front.
I puff out my cheeks and debate what I want to do next. I look around my room and I see my mother has left it exactly how it was when I was last here. What catches my eye is the sorority sash I wore at graduation. It’s laying folded and neat on top ofmy dresser. I instantly think of Brad. I’ve been so self-controlled, I haven’t given him a lot of thought since I found out he had a girlfriend. It also helps, I guess, that he hasn’t spoken to me since. You know the saying, outta sight, outta mind. Well I guess he lives that to the letter.
Screw this. I’m getting out of here for the night. I whip my phone out and dial Lola. She picks up on the first ring. “Let’s go out tonight.” That’s all I need to say to her before I’m out the door.
THE PHONE CALL HEARD AROUND THE WORLD
November 24, 2009
The sound of the paper shredder groans as I shove yet another photograph through it. I see our smiling faces shredded into tiny particles in the waste basket underneath and it gives me a feeling of satisfaction. Meg hands me my glass and I take another sip. When I called her and finally told her that Derek the dick and I broke up, she immediately drove an hour to get here, bringing her paper shredder with her. We may have had a few glasses of wine before busting it out and shredded every known printed photo of him and me together.
Honestly, I don’t know why I waited so long. I think three months into that relationship, I knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere. I especially knew that when I found him with his pants around his ankles and his tongue down a girl from work’s throat. That’s what I get for dating someone who’s only twenty-one and has the maturity of a thirteen-year-old. The cheating and dumping scandal was two weeks ago but I hadn’t been able to talk to Meg to update her so when she found out she immediately flew into action. Three years ago, we would have raced out to the barto drink, dance and forget about all the douchebag men in our lives, but since she’s sporting a seven-month baby bump under her sweater, the only club she’s going to is Lamaze.
