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“Did you think I would let you sit in this giant glass monstrosity alone?” Meg strolls in the door wheeling her suitcase behind her.
I look through the door and out into the driveway, dumbfounded at what I’m seeing. “Where’s Ryan and the kids?”
“At home. I spent yesterday with all of them and then this afternoon got on a flight. I wasn’t going to let you sit out here all alone in this big house with just your thoughts. That asshole dida complete mindfuck on you the moment he got you away from all of your friends.”
I sigh because what she says isn’t a lie. I keep quiet because while I might think really horrible, shitty things about Todd, I try not to voice them. I don’t need that karma out in the world. I think about all the horrible things I used to say in college and cringe, this is why I’ve got the karma I already do.
Turning on her heel, Meg steers her way through the house and comes to a stop in the kitchen. Sitting her bag by the wall and taking a seat at my kitchen island. “Wine?”
I nod and walk over to the cabinet, pulling the glasses down, setting them on the countertop, busying myself with getting the wine out. “How long can you stay?”
“Just a few days. I wish I could stay longer but you get how it is.”
What she means is, I know she has a life back home that she has to get to. Her oldest is finishing grade school and the toddler just turned two. I hand her the requested glass of wine and sit down on the stool beside her. She takes a sip and then sets the glass back down on the island.
“Can we talk about all the shit strewn on the lawn?”
I wave my hand dismissively. “That was just the last remnants of Todd’s crap laying around. If he wants it he can come get it off the lawn. He’s not setting foot in this house ever again.”
“Amen to that. I’m glad you took out the trash,” she pauses being dramatic, “In more ways than one!”
We both laugh and then when I’m done I let out a big, deep sigh. “Meg, I don’t know what to do. Once I get the divorce over with, I’m at a loss at what I should do. I feel like I’m at a crossroads.”
“Oh, sweetie.” She reaches forward and clasps my hand in hers. “That’s the beauty of this, now you can do anything you want. Youcan go anywhere, do anything and it’ll be because you chose it. Not because a man who wanted to control you picked it for you.”
“I was just about to eat. Do you want some lunch?”
“I’d love that, and then we can talk about everything you want out of life.” I give her a smile—I’d like that. I’d like to put my dreams out there in the universe and manifest them into happening. Deep down I know one of them but I don’t know if I can voice it. Maybe not tonight but maybe one day.
“I can’t believe you have to leave in the morning. The last three days have flown by,” I tell Meg as I stand in the doorway and watch her pack her suitcase.
“I know, I barely get any adult time so it feels like I blinked and three days disappeared. I do miss the kids though and I’m sure Ryan is pulling his hair out at this point juggling both of them and his job.”
I laugh at just the thought. While I don’t get to see them much in person over the last few years, we do talk on the phone a lot and video chat. I’ve seen poor Ryan frazzled in the background chasing after the kids. Meg zips up her suitcase and moves it from the bed to the floor. She sits down on the bed and sits back on her hands and takes me in.
“You’re hovering. The last time I saw you do this was in college. You were nervous about graduation and kept asking me about your outfit. You’ve got that same look. What’s going on up there?” She taps her index finger to her temple.
I walk the rest of the way into the room and sit down on the bed beside her. Over the last few days we’ve talked a lot about how I want to see my life and things that I’d love to do now that I’m about to officially be single again. When she went to bed lastnight, I stayed up and made a list of all the things I want out of the next year. I wrote down the scary things too, the things I’ve been too afraid to say out loud. The things that I’m worried about Meg and Erica and all our friends will judge me on.Ok, maybe notjudge, judge is a strong word, but they’ll all definitely have strong opinions on it.
“I know we’ve talked about a lot of the things that I want to do now. We’re going to list this house and I’m going to move back to town because I miss being in a small town. I miss seeing all of you and seeing family.”
Meg nods enthusiastically. “You don’t have to sell me on that idea. I would love for you to be close again and to see each other regularly.”
Before she can keep talking I cut her off. “I want to make contact with Brad.”
That simple sentence stops her from continuing to speak. Her mouth even drops open a little before she quickly closes it. Her mouth goes flat and her brows furrow. “I don’t know, Nikki. I mean, when is the last time you guys have even spoken? Isn’t he married?”
I nod yes, he’s still married. I quickly try to clarify myself. “I don’t mean to talk to him with the intention of breaking up his marriage. I would never do that and you should know that. About two years ago, I randomly got a friend request from him. I think he got hacked and got a new profile but either way, I accepted it and we’ve been friends online since. We don’t speak but he’s wished me Happy Birthday and I’ve done the same. It’s just cordial and friendly.”
Meg shakes her head clearly still bewildered. “I don’t get it. Why reach out to him?”
I rake my hands through my hair. “I just, I just wonder if he thinks about me.”
Meg’s face takes on a look of horror. “Oh no. No, Nikki. You cannot reach out and do that to him. What if he’s happily married with four kids and a dog?”
“He’s married but they don’t have any kids and they only have a cat,” I quickly tell her.
She gives me a look that conveysare you serious right now?“Just hear me out, ok?”
