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I never stopped thinking about you.
“He does still look really good.”
“Emma.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
“I’m just sayin’.” She laughs and I catch the look she and Lucy share. As if the choice is so easy. Like I don’t have two littles to think about and like I didn’t just roll out of the worst relationship I could imagine. Correction, I’m still trapped in the hell that is known as Carson.
“Yes, fine, he looks good. He’s got charm by the pound, and still knows exactly how to get to me without much effort. His smile is even better than I remember but the truth still stands. I don’t have it in me to dive into anything new. I’m exhausted you guys.” I look between the two of them. “Emotionally I can’t take it. I wish I could bounce back from this; I wish I could say to hell with it all and give in to the things he still makes me feel but it wouldn’t be fair. To him or to me, I wouldn’t be giving it my all.”
Neither of them tries to argue because though they’ve been right here with me, they can’t say they know exactly how I feel. Thankfully neither of them made the wrong choice and married the wrong man. My heart breaks for Riley and Regan, they deserved a loving father and instead they got a pathetic drunk.
After Emma and Lucy leave, and I’ve had my fill of wine, I gather my lavender bath salts and walk into the bathroom. Turning on the faucet, I sprinkle it into the water and swirl them around in the water.
Grabbing a towel, and my robe, I lay them both over the edge of the counter and walk back into my bedroom.
Pausing next to my open closet door, I catch a glimpse of the blue shoebox tucked up on the top shelf. Reaching up, I grab the edge and pull it down before carrying it into the bathroom. Sitting down on the side of the tub I lift the lid and immediately am met with the familiar scent I’ve always found comforting. Ahidden bottle a Jayson cologne tucked beneath all the little notes and dried up corsage from prom.
I lift the bottle to my nose and close my eyes breathing it in. There is barely anything left, a bottle I took from his dresser a week before he left for college. I’m not even sure he knew that I had it, but I’ve held onto it all these years.
At first I had it on my dresser, smelling it daily and remembering him, it made me feel closer to him even though we were hundreds of miles apart. Then the times became fewer as the smell only made me miss him more.
When we decided to break up, I was half tempted to throw it away, but I’m glad I didn’t. Carson never knew, as it was one of the few things I decided to leave at my parents.
I spray it into the air and the moment the scent filters through my room I feel the tears build in my eyes.
Maybe it’s the alcohol, or maybe it’s regret, but suddenly I find it hard to hold back. Slipping into the water, I do something that I haven’t done in months. I cry, not the ugly, snot nosed cry but more of a cleansing. It’s time to let go of the burning ache inside.
nine
. . .
Jayson
“I’m not so sure she isn’t a ticking bomb ready to explode,” Mattie rocks back in the chair, kicking his feet up onto my desk. “The ex is an ass, Jay. I’m talking drunk ninety-five percent of the time, stepped out on her more times than most could count. He was banging some nineteen-year-old while Zoey was in the hospital giving birth to his daughters.” My stomach tightens and coils with irritation. “From what I heard he didn’t even want her to have the girls. He tried to persuade her to get rid of them after she found out she was pregnant.”
“Sounds like a real piece of work,” I mumble feeling like a dick now for hitting her with everything I did. “And I go barging in like she doesn’t have enough shit going on. Why did I let you get to me?”
“Hey, don’t blame me.” He chuckles. “I didn’t tell you to storm the castle and demand her hand.”
“I didn’t demand her hand.”
“I am Tarzan, you my Jane.” He pounds his chest, his smile growing wider. The asshole is greatly enjoying my torment.
“Dick.” I try to sound annoyed but the truth is I’ve missed my cocky little brother. Believe it or not he makes me braver. Him pushing does drive me to do things I’d normally refrain from but not all of it is bad.
After a few minutes of playing mad, I can’t help but point out the obvious. “So Zoey’s talking about me?” I smirk when he nods his head.
“She called an emergency Wine-Down-Wednesday, on a Saturday night.”
“A wine down what?”
Her chuckles, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “It’s something that Zoey, Emma and Lucy do. Normally it’s a Wednesday night event, held at Zoey’s place because of the girls’ bedtimes. They have dinner, get the little ones to bed. Then they break out the wine and the three of them bash on guys,” he arches his brow as if to tell me something. “They talk about their lives both the good and the bad. Emma told me they ordered an oversized purple dildo and had it mailed to Carson at his work after they hit the tequila pretty hard a few weeks ago.”
The thought makes me smile.
“Last night though, after you showed up laying it all at her feet, she left the shop and sent out an emergency text.”
“Does that happen often?”
