AllFreeNovel
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As I step off the last step and peek around the wall, I see her staring out the backdoor into the yard. Her arms are crossed over her chest, and I know that stance. It’s the same one she got when I saw here in the funeral home, or when I ran into her again as she was taking the girls to Sugar Rush. She’s lost in thought, worried, fearful even.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Her body jumps in reaction to the sound of my voice and she looks back over her shoulder.
“Nothing.” I instantly know she is lying. She’s unable to look me directly in the eyes and she’s biting nervously on her lower lip.
Joining her by the backdoor, I look out into the yard and see the moon’s reflection highlighted on the water. A single dock, with a long path leading out to the water and a circular ending, enough space to sit on and hang your feet in the water.
We both remain quiet, and my chest feels tight.
“You heard, didn’t you?”
“She’s not lying.” Zoey doesn’t look at me, and I try not to let the irritation her avoidance causes overtake me. “They aren’t your responsibility.”
I twist my neck, cracking it. Feeling the tension build and trying my best not to react.
“My girls are my girls. You shouldn’t have to feel like you need to buy them things and give them their own room.”
My patience snaps and I grip her elbow, opening the door to lead her outside.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m not doing this in there, where they might overhear. You wanna say these things, you want to fight against us because of something my mother said. A woman that has barely been a part of my life since birth, go ahead. If it’ll make you feel better to say all this shit and create a hundred new reasons why we shouldn’t do this, fine, do it.”
I hold out my hands as if to say the floor is open.
“What do you want me to say?”
"You had so much weighing on your mind only seconds ago, so have at it. Let me hear it. But I won’t stand in there and risk the chance of Riley or Regan overhearing this bullshit.”
“It’s the truth.”
“Are you blind,” I ask, realizing how harsh it sounds but unable to pull back the frustration I feel. “I know those girls aren’t my responsibility, I never once felt like you were pushing them on me. I’ve been the one chasing, I’ve been the guy trying my hardest to get any amount of time with the three of you I can get.”
I feel a few raindrops hit my head but I don’t care.
Zoey wipes at her forehead and then turns toward the door when I step in front of her to block her path. The rain increases, and she looks up to the sky as a few bigger drops hit her cheeks.
“You know I’m right, and that’s why you’re upset.” She redirects her attention, her gaze connecting with mine. “You could find a nice girl, who hasn’t been married, who doesn’t have kids, and you could build a family with her.”
I stare at her, noticing the shiny glimmer in her eyes. She’s saying these things but I know her well enough to understand that inside, she’s hurting. Hearing my mother speak the way she did. Hearing her bring attention to the fact Riley and Regan are not my daughters and somehow Zoey is playing house, pushing them on me, hit something deep within her. But none of that could be farther from the truth.
“I don’t want another girl.” My throat feels like it’s on fire. “I may not have made those two girls but they are mine. I love them like they’re mine. I don’t care if they share my blood, because they hold my fucking heart, all three of you do.”
Zoey lowers her gaze, looking toward her feet. The rain is coming down harder still, and at this point the two of us are standing there, on the back deck, our clothes sticking to our skin.
thirty-four
. . .
Zoey
“What are we doing?”
“What do you mean, what are we doing?” I can tell Jay is irritated with me, but I feel what I feel, and to have his mother voice her opinions freely and loudly for anyone to hear, hit me harder than I thought it could. I was angry and hurt, like he felt my children would somehow ruin his life.
“This,” I clarify, “us, now, what are we doing?”
Jayson lifts his hand and drags his palm over his face, “Damn it Zoey, I thought I made it so clear.” He shakes his head. “We’re building a life. I am trying to give you something you’ve never had.”
