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"If we're being totally honest, I think I would have noticed if I’d paid closer attention. Once I saw the way you look at her, I realized it’s her that’s the subject of so much of your art. But I let myself get wrapped up in it all and pushed those thoughts to the side before I truly realized the scope of your feelings, and I fell—hard.” Rubbing my hand over my face in frustration, I roll my eyes at my own willful ignorance before getting to the truth of it. "Once it started, I couldn't stop it. Didn't want to.Don'twant to."
"I understand, man. I'm not mad, I promise. Beth is a person who can make her own choices, and she seems happy with you. She chose to be with you, even knowing there’s an expiration."
"That's the thing, man. I think she would have chosenyouif she'd known it was an option. She truly has no idea you're even remotely interested in her. And you seem to be blind that she has it just as bad for you. Meanwhile, you've both got drawings of each other in your houses, and pine over each other when you think no one is looking."
"Wait. She haswhatin her house?"
"Nothing, never mind. I didn't tell you that. Her shrine isn't as obsessive as yours, but it's definitely present."
"I don't have a shrine," he argues, but I shut him down with a look.
"That massive canvas hanging on your living room wall that you bring to every exhibit because you know it's your best work, but you refuse to part with it? She might not be able to tell who that woman is, but I figured it out the moment I saw her standing in front of it. Your ‘fertility sculptures’ study? I call bullshit on that… And how interesting is it that the majority of your figure drawings have perfect curves and luscious, wavy brunette hair? Or that everything you paint has that same shade of dark bluish-grey, canvas upon canvas of stormy ocean landscapes? Despite the fact that you hate the beach, or sailing, or everything else to do with the ocean."
He stares at me silently.
"The thing is, you're both obsessed with each other and now that I've managed to find myself close enough to both of you to see it, I feel awful for getting between you. Yet at the same time, I can't regret it because I've never felt this way in my life. It's both amazing and terrible, like I've doomed myself to the most pleasure and pain I'm ever going to feel in this life or the next. It's excruciating knowing I'm going to have to walk away from her, but I can't imagine life without having experienced it." I snort. "Jesus, listen to me. I'm so full of shit."
Ezra gives me a sad smile. "I think I get it."
"Maybe you do," I agree quietly, nodding. "I've been thinking,though.” I look into his eyes, letting him know how serious I am. “My dating her doesn't have to deter you from dating her."
"Cal, I hope you're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting."
I cut my eyes in his direction. "What is it that you think I'm suggesting?"
"That I swoop in and console her when you leave, which would be taking advantage of her in a far worse way than a student-teacher relationship would be."
"I keep telling you that doesn't count. They're adult classes, Ez. It's not illegal or taking advantage."
He hums in disagreement.
"Also, I am absolutely not suggesting you take advantage of her in any such way. What I'm suggesting is a little more… outside the box."Ezra looks at me warily, and I can practically see the gears turning in his head. “What if you started spending time with us, and the three of us did some things together?”
"I really do not want to third wheel a date with my best friend and the girl I've been pining over for years."
"Ha!" I say loudly, pointing at Ezra victoriously.
He jumps at my outburst. "What the hell, man?"
"You admitted it!"
"I've already admitted it, jackass."
"You've acknowledged it, barely. This is the first timeyou've said it out loud. It's a breakthrough and should be celebrated."Ezra rolls his eyes. "Anyway, you wouldn't be a third wheel. You'd be…partof it," I say cautiously, watching his reaction.
Ezra looks confused, but then after a moment, his eyes widen. Staring at me in disbelief, he shakes his head. "That's ridiculous, Cal. What makes you think Beth would want something like that?"
I shrug. To be honest, I’m not one hundred percent positive. But we’ll never know if we don’t at least try to approach the subject. “Spending some time together would be the best way to find out.”
"Did she say something that would make you think that would be appropriate?"
"You're always so worried about what's appropriate."
"She's not that kind of girl, Cal."
“That kind of girl?What does that even mean? And how would you know? Would you shame her if shewasinterested in an arrangement?"
"No, of course not, I just—"
